There's no answer for permanently fractured hearts. Caught between the teeth of time and facts and wanting more than anything to be able to wish her a happy birthday without drumming up history. More than wishing her a happy birthday, I want to be absolutely certain I don't hurt her. To do that, I cannot offer a basic, basic, hallelujah. Learning we would not be the same was one of the most terrifying, absolute, and violent days of my life. I was already crying inside, taken every avenue to try to keep pace with her happiness and success.
Darker and darker and darker and darker. The craziest part was our sense of adventure and curiosity for the world and cinema and oddball jokes and clowning and learning and reading and people watching were in line.
thinking backward, the love never dies. Part of me shouts to the starlight "HAPPYBIRTHDAY". I hope it matters.
I have nothing to offer her that will accelerate. The answer to the question of future is blank. I love you. Time is an illusion. Just gift me time I think. Time is real. Poor man, rich man, whatchu been in at. What do you care about?
I put my body on the line and took risks.
What do you care about!!!
I can't have children, okay? I can, but I'm far too warped to raise them. Okay!? I'm debt slagged as fuck, I can't raise kids, I don't know what a good chair is, I don't know how to do proper, I can cook and don't know what good food should cost, I don't have marketable skills, I hate customer service, and I have a useless degree and on top of that I still don't have the paper that confirms what I have actually learned. Okay? God is a lie, I'm antisocial, fucked in the head, and I would love to be. I'm a social butterfly and an addict and a hermit. I can't be trusted with a gun, the only family I recognize are my immediate siblings, I fucking hate people and the best world is a world where every city is glassed. I'm an almost always nude and I love the outdoors and when we're at home, why are you wearing clothes? It's weird! Why can't I touch you? Yes, it's your meat, I'm terrible with respecting boundaries once you're in everything should be open for all. I'm not self conscious but I am conscientious. That's the tip of it. None of that answers what I asked.
What do I care about? Fitting myself into life as invisibly as possible. Caring about us goes about as far as: did you kill yourself today (y/n), was it a good day (y/n), can you engage with the world tomorrow (y/n), have you slept and eaten (y/n), did you hurt anyone (y/n)? From those basics we can get more complex, but that's essentially it. A very (I hate the word) easy checklist.
I laugh because who is supposed to live with that?
There's no answer for fractured hearts.
I wish there was. Try to keep the shards in a box away from where they may be knocked over or caught up in the soles of feet and heels of hands and fingers or get into food.
The easy signs of trouble were violent in their simplicity.
We'll see.
I've told myself the ache will fade Whispers along bedtime stories and therapy. Imagine the... it would have continued for years afterward. Pulling apart, love cannot solve base problems no matter how big or small and thorough a heart is.
What I hope most of all is that the first attraction wasn't a try to see how the other side of the tracks live. I hope most of all that she didn't think of me as ...
She gave a damn, and I will burn my circuits and song my circus. It hurts. I don't mind the reminder, knowing what it feels like to fall in love. Knowing that falling in love is the sudden stop that will crush you.
Believe an end is just a beginning.
Believe love is real.
Believe that someone else saw something in you that you couldn't see yourself and the tides of fortune overwhelmed what could have been.
I Love You.
///Lemon Jelly - (Nice Weather For Ducks)
Darker and darker and darker and darker. The craziest part was our sense of adventure and curiosity for the world and cinema and oddball jokes and clowning and learning and reading and people watching were in line.
thinking backward, the love never dies. Part of me shouts to the starlight "HAPPYBIRTHDAY". I hope it matters.
I have nothing to offer her that will accelerate. The answer to the question of future is blank. I love you. Time is an illusion. Just gift me time I think. Time is real. Poor man, rich man, whatchu been in at. What do you care about?
I put my body on the line and took risks.
What do you care about!!!
I can't have children, okay? I can, but I'm far too warped to raise them. Okay!? I'm debt slagged as fuck, I can't raise kids, I don't know what a good chair is, I don't know how to do proper, I can cook and don't know what good food should cost, I don't have marketable skills, I hate customer service, and I have a useless degree and on top of that I still don't have the paper that confirms what I have actually learned. Okay? God is a lie, I'm antisocial, fucked in the head, and I would love to be. I'm a social butterfly and an addict and a hermit. I can't be trusted with a gun, the only family I recognize are my immediate siblings, I fucking hate people and the best world is a world where every city is glassed. I'm an almost always nude and I love the outdoors and when we're at home, why are you wearing clothes? It's weird! Why can't I touch you? Yes, it's your meat, I'm terrible with respecting boundaries once you're in everything should be open for all. I'm not self conscious but I am conscientious. That's the tip of it. None of that answers what I asked.
What do I care about? Fitting myself into life as invisibly as possible. Caring about us goes about as far as: did you kill yourself today (y/n), was it a good day (y/n), can you engage with the world tomorrow (y/n), have you slept and eaten (y/n), did you hurt anyone (y/n)? From those basics we can get more complex, but that's essentially it. A very (I hate the word) easy checklist.
I laugh because who is supposed to live with that?
There's no answer for fractured hearts.
I wish there was. Try to keep the shards in a box away from where they may be knocked over or caught up in the soles of feet and heels of hands and fingers or get into food.
The easy signs of trouble were violent in their simplicity.
We'll see.
I've told myself the ache will fade Whispers along bedtime stories and therapy. Imagine the... it would have continued for years afterward. Pulling apart, love cannot solve base problems no matter how big or small and thorough a heart is.
What I hope most of all is that the first attraction wasn't a try to see how the other side of the tracks live. I hope most of all that she didn't think of me as ...
She gave a damn, and I will burn my circuits and song my circus. It hurts. I don't mind the reminder, knowing what it feels like to fall in love. Knowing that falling in love is the sudden stop that will crush you.
Believe an end is just a beginning.
Believe love is real.
Believe that someone else saw something in you that you couldn't see yourself and the tides of fortune overwhelmed what could have been.
I Love You.
///Lemon Jelly - (Nice Weather For Ducks)
No comments:
Post a Comment