AUTHOR.CALHO: If I didn't write it, I would be hitch hiking cross country to Maine and then Alaska in that order. While taking frequent breaks to spread leaflets. And sit in diners. And write on things because I wasn't at a computer. I may still do that in a few years. Writing this also helps me forget about and better understand the limitations of being human, and keeps me busy enough to allow me no free time to burn the world down.

THEMATIC.ABOUT : Collapse often. The things that hold people together and hold them apart and scatter brains. The things that make thoughts go boom. The things that ooh and aah and [expletive deleted]. Sometimes poking around the margins where responsibility ends and the only one to look to is the Original Equipment Manufacturer and say "but, I already pressed 9 for more options and the menus are exactly the same. Can you just replace it?" The answer will be: "please hold." Sometimes hanging out in dark corners. Sometimes following the train tracks. Looking for ways out and ways in and all the while sharing the things seen and heard and done and drawn and written and scorched and healed and teased and caged and dreamed along the way.

10/17/07

1976 10/17/07

Subject : 1976
Posted Date: : Oct 17, 2007 11:22 AM

1976 views. been gone for a while. dealing with depression and odd issues hither and thither. at the moment i feel like im biding my time in college. waiting for another year to end so i can finally get on with living my "real" life after graduation. but i mean, except for a handful of things that i know i am desparately wanting to do to advance my personal life to a new stage of stability, love, excitement, and rest what i am essentially looking forward to is going to be another time out session. just another pause along the road. i have to get a masters degree to command the pay i will need to live the kind of life i want to, and in order to do that im going to have to take a year off to study for gre's and find a school and all the rest. so its basically just time out part two.

im exhausted with school. i hate homework. i hate forced reading. i hate a lot of things but i love even more so im okay with that sensation i think. i started smoking again. im not really sure why. maybe its because my football team lost so i dont really have to be in peak condition. why the hell would anyone really need to be able to run five miles? so i dont really care about that. and if i have to hold my breath for a minute i guess ill be ass out in the cold on that count. and if i have to do thirty pull ups to save my life, well, same deal. too bad. its a nice pass time, i think. maybe ill get some pipe tobacco and smoke pipes in my white robe every saturday afternoon. make it a pleasant ritual of aromas and scotch. speaking of which i need to get a more plush robe. for my ass mostly. ill admit it. i like having really furry soft things to sit on and rub myself against. its fun. its relaxing. its flippin awesome is what it is.

stealing. i havent stolen anything aside from digital properties in a long time. im trying to keep it that way. im also making minimum credit card payments. i know i shouldnt, but i dont have the money to pay it down so its better than nothing. and furthermore! nope.... thats it i guess. sorry ive been away so long. ive thought about you everyday and i missed your milestones (1666 view). but im back again. and i tentatively wager i will be writing in you more often than i have. <3

///boards of canada-"constants are changing" this song has helped me end more rough days than i can count. nothing like melting into blankets with blustery old man winter giving you chills and a delicate weave of synth fades and tonal scales washing over you like the tiniest, ever unique, crystals of ice.
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