Subject : practicing the arts
Posted Date: : Mar 24, 2008 9:55 AM
its strange how as you get older you just stop doing certain things. its not so much that im not interested in them anymore. its just that i feel zero compulsion to do them. like playing with g.i. joes or building paper robots. i used to do that all the time but not so much anymore. i think in general i used to be more creative than i am now. i used to write poetry constantly and write stories too. now its starting to become a struggle to practice the arts i do so enjoy. it doesnt help that im medicated now either. i feel much less focused. i mean the medication stops me from feeling other things that i used to feel in the past but it also stops me from feeling the good things that helped me generate ideas for my work. its frustrating. is it more worth it to take the good with the bad or is it more worth it to take niether the good or the bad. how bad does bad have to be before it outweighs the benefits derived from what was so good. i cant remember the last time i went on a writing binge or felt i could focus easily on a task. maybe its time to make some medication adjustments. im really starting to miss the old me.
///bjork - "i see who you are"
I see who you are
Behind the skin
And the muscles
I see who you are, now
And when you get older later
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
2/11/08
a tribute able 02/11/08
Subject : a tribute able
Posted Date: : Mar 11, 2008 9:11 AM
i scrubbed the floor with comet. and had half a mind to mix a glass for my brother's lunch. why should anyone get all the bragging rights anyway. grades came in this week. and had i half the mind to do so i would have burned. motivation into my two little hands back when it could have meant something. its the kind of thing that makes you. me. want to say its no big deal. but turning life around is not so easy as cleaning up spilled blood.
there's little glamour in cutting. ive realized since this morning. because im still just as miserable as the stain on the floor. or the paper towels. i wrapped my arm with. its hard to believe its only saturday. and loneliness is having no one to miss. me. ive been told my feelings are attributable to chemical imbalances. nothing a little elbow grease can't fix. its no big deal. when there's so much to be done. in other worlds.
get down on your knees. and pray to god for help. maybe everything will work itself out between strokes. nothing to it but to do it. right? the hard part about cleaning tile floor. is that the grout stains easily. something to do with the acids in DNA. people will be waking up soon. invading my world. and me. i am not ready.
Posted Date: : Mar 11, 2008 9:11 AM
i scrubbed the floor with comet. and had half a mind to mix a glass for my brother's lunch. why should anyone get all the bragging rights anyway. grades came in this week. and had i half the mind to do so i would have burned. motivation into my two little hands back when it could have meant something. its the kind of thing that makes you. me. want to say its no big deal. but turning life around is not so easy as cleaning up spilled blood.
there's little glamour in cutting. ive realized since this morning. because im still just as miserable as the stain on the floor. or the paper towels. i wrapped my arm with. its hard to believe its only saturday. and loneliness is having no one to miss. me. ive been told my feelings are attributable to chemical imbalances. nothing a little elbow grease can't fix. its no big deal. when there's so much to be done. in other worlds.
get down on your knees. and pray to god for help. maybe everything will work itself out between strokes. nothing to it but to do it. right? the hard part about cleaning tile floor. is that the grout stains easily. something to do with the acids in DNA. people will be waking up soon. invading my world. and me. i am not ready.
2/10/08
shit is wack 02/10/08
Subject : shit is wack
Posted Date: : Mar 10, 2008 5:27 PM
so im trying to figure out a name for my book that im working on. yes i am working on a book of 300 poems. oh i didnt tell you? hah! thats cuz it was a triple double secret effort that i am only now making public. there will be no illustrations in this book either. i am not an artist. but actually i am trying to be one in a webcomic that i am attempting to kick start with a good friend of mine you might know as the illkahn. but that aside...
im trying to think of a name for my book... something that says: these poems arent necessarily poems, but not theyre not stories either. something that says that what i am about to read will change me, but not necessarily profoundly... maybe just adjust how i see things in the world around me. something that says that what is contained herein is not really political as much as it is introspective... not seriously world opinion as an opinion lost in the world. i was thinking something like forced cadence.... or maybe... quiet down... down time... something with two words is what i am leaning on.
i know that i still want to be an author and i know that i still want to have a masters degree.... im just not sure what i want that masters degree to be in. i am having serious second thoughts about teaching as a career. maybe ill be a professional librarian.... thatll give me time to write and its something i have kind of enjoyed over the years (i work at a library right now). who the fuck knows... not me. that shit is wack. i hate not knowing things. ill keep working though. sorry ive been away for so long. again. hopefully the gaps will get smaller.
Posted Date: : Mar 10, 2008 5:27 PM
so im trying to figure out a name for my book that im working on. yes i am working on a book of 300 poems. oh i didnt tell you? hah! thats cuz it was a triple double secret effort that i am only now making public. there will be no illustrations in this book either. i am not an artist. but actually i am trying to be one in a webcomic that i am attempting to kick start with a good friend of mine you might know as the illkahn. but that aside...
im trying to think of a name for my book... something that says: these poems arent necessarily poems, but not theyre not stories either. something that says that what i am about to read will change me, but not necessarily profoundly... maybe just adjust how i see things in the world around me. something that says that what is contained herein is not really political as much as it is introspective... not seriously world opinion as an opinion lost in the world. i was thinking something like forced cadence.... or maybe... quiet down... down time... something with two words is what i am leaning on.
i know that i still want to be an author and i know that i still want to have a masters degree.... im just not sure what i want that masters degree to be in. i am having serious second thoughts about teaching as a career. maybe ill be a professional librarian.... thatll give me time to write and its something i have kind of enjoyed over the years (i work at a library right now). who the fuck knows... not me. that shit is wack. i hate not knowing things. ill keep working though. sorry ive been away for so long. again. hopefully the gaps will get smaller.
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