AUTHOR.CALHO: If I didn't write it, I would be hitch hiking cross country to Maine and then Alaska in that order. While taking frequent breaks to spread leaflets. And sit in diners. And write on things because I wasn't at a computer. I may still do that in a few years. Writing this also helps me forget about and better understand the limitations of being human, and keeps me busy enough to allow me no free time to burn the world down.

THEMATIC.ABOUT : Collapse often. The things that hold people together and hold them apart and scatter brains. The things that make thoughts go boom. The things that ooh and aah and [expletive deleted]. Sometimes poking around the margins where responsibility ends and the only one to look to is the Original Equipment Manufacturer and say "but, I already pressed 9 for more options and the menus are exactly the same. Can you just replace it?" The answer will be: "please hold." Sometimes hanging out in dark corners. Sometimes following the train tracks. Looking for ways out and ways in and all the while sharing the things seen and heard and done and drawn and written and scorched and healed and teased and caged and dreamed along the way.

2/11/08

a tribute able 02/11/08

Subject : a tribute able
Posted Date: : Mar 11, 2008 9:11 AM

i scrubbed the floor with comet. and had half a mind to mix a glass for my brother's lunch. why should anyone get all the bragging rights anyway. grades came in this week. and had i half the mind to do so i would have burned. motivation into my two little hands back when it could have meant something. its the kind of thing that makes you. me. want to say its no big deal. but turning life around is not so easy as cleaning up spilled blood.

there's little glamour in cutting. ive realized since this morning. because im still just as miserable as the stain on the floor. or the paper towels. i wrapped my arm with. its hard to believe its only saturday. and loneliness is having no one to miss. me. ive been told my feelings are attributable to chemical imbalances. nothing a little elbow grease can't fix. its no big deal. when there's so much to be done. in other worlds.

get down on your knees. and pray to god for help. maybe everything will work itself out between strokes. nothing to it but to do it. right? the hard part about cleaning tile floor. is that the grout stains easily. something to do with the acids in DNA. people will be waking up soon. invading my world. and me. i am not ready.
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