breaking into the porn industry 11/24/05

Subject : breaking into the porn industry

Posted Date: : Nov 24, 2005 8:53 PM

how exactly does one become a porn star... as a guy....?

do you have to go find some start up website and audition. do you just mail in head shots or do you mail in head shots and money shots on paper bullseyes with ruler increments so they can assess all aspects of your appeal. do you just have to have a weird uncle no one talks about who lives out in hollywood california and is continually buying things he doesnt need with money he shouldnt have but somehow does? i dunno...

im just curious... its one of those things i suddenly feel i must know. like why the sky is blue. does someone just say hmmm.... i believe my penis is sufficiently large... i need to be a porn star. cuz i mean that is completely subjective. and what about those fat bastards with wee pricks... how the hell do they keep finding there way into my porn movies with decent looking chicks! personally it is offensive. the women get screened and the boys dont? baah! must not pay well... i need to know... i need answers... these are the deep questions my friend... the deep questions that puzzle my brain at night.

remember, kids... 11/24/05

Subject : remember kids... always turn off the lights

Posted Date: : Nov 24, 2005 8:48 PM

yesterday i came within a hairs breadth of killing myself by christmas lights.

i made a very nice ball of christmas lights and hung them for romantic effect over the center of my room. the set up was a little ghetto. I used a wire from my collapsable hamper to make a nicely sprung spherical shape then wrapped the lights around the wire and then wrapped the wire in a corse clothe sheet often used to cover hospital beds, then draped the whole ball of nonsense from the actual light bulbs in the fixture at the center of my cieling.

genius, no? no.

it wasnt bright enough in the room so i turned on the actual light fixture that came with the place. I left and came back to my building 20 minutes later and as soon as I got out of the staircase on my floor it smelled something like someone left a space heater on all day. hot metal. I walk around the corner and come into my room and see that the smell is in here too.

A few hours later im poking around my room because im bored and i see that a piece of the christmas lights leading from the central ball is out. I look closer and see that the entire ring where the ball is tied up to the light fixture is kind of brown.

I untied the ball from the light fixture and on the inside it is charred black. All of the wires have melted and are crossing eachother and shorting eachother out. The paint was beginning to peel and cinder. Had I just gone to bed My cieling probably would have caught fire while I was sleeping... or if i'd stayed out any longer my building couldve burned down.

now i havent had any epiphanies because of this and i will continue to stay out late and do irrational fun things... ill just make sure i turn off the lights before i go. remember kids... before you do anything, be it bang a woman as large as your bed, masterbate to thoughts of your neighbor while at your window, have a naked dance off with your invisible friend, or leave your room because you just ripped ass and it smells like someone died... always always always turn off the lights first!

to shave or not to shave 11/12/05

Subject : to shave or not to shave the testicle

Posted Date: : Nov 12, 2005 5:04 PM

In training myself up for my future career as a kept man the issue of cleanliness will always come up.

A kept man must ask himself how far he is willing to go to land a spot in that special 54 year old jet setting blonde's back pocket. The answer must always be "madame, if you want to do me in the rear a strap on in the can is not going far enough... make it two please" especially when this 54 year old jet setter with a fetish for domination wants to buy a nice new Masserati to keep her little cabana boy entertained when she's not around. So when the time comes to shave the kiwis or not to shave, clearly the only answer must be to cup those puppies and take it slow and easy.

Practice makes perfect, and so with a razor in one hand and some lather in another i practice, because i must! Because it's nice having some cushion down there to reduce chafing of the sack, but it's also nice to have a 54 year old woman with gobs of money who loves your little shaven walnuts so much so that she bankrolls your entire life (as long as she gets to fondle them at her convenience).

The training continues!

contentment 11/10/05

Subject : contentment.

Posted Date: : Nov 10, 2005 11:06 PM

so the outlook is bleak. true.

I still enjoy life. I'm not saying everything sucks bleh! all im saying is that with none of the usual things to really look forward to i just focus on the pleasures i do have... like masterbating. whether i have money or not i can still masterbate to my hearts content... and writing... i can still write whenever i want and im glad that i am a literate mutha fucka. so not having money isnt the end of the world. its just not the beginning of a new one.

and when the day ends and everything is over and done with... i'm okay with that.

everyone and their mama 11/07/05

Subject : everyone and their mama has a six pack

Posted Date: : Nov 7, 2005 10:08 PM

everyone and their mama has a six pack. Yes. Thats right. Absolutely everyone on myspace and their mother has a six pack. If your picture features you with no shirt on while you "floss" your hot six you are essentially saying "this is all i have to offer the rest of the world" please love me. Do you really think your 320 by 480 pixel image of six lumps on your body will make everyone say... "holy shit this dude is awesome, i wish i could be his friend in real life. ill just have to friend him and leave comments as though ive known him since he was born." ... well i guess if you are posting images of your rippling bod this is probably exactly what youre hoping for. confirmation.

So now you know. Your six parcel does not set you apart from the rest of the males. it does not tatoo an alpha on the side of your neck that will suddenly make panties fly down the toned tanned limbs of the honies. in fact everyone has got them. at least everyone who cares. I don;t have one and i dont care. i barely have a four pack and i'll tell you what, its awesome. no maintenance. i eat what i want and drink what i want and enjoy life without the insecurity of narcissism plucking out my eyelashes one by one as i lose sleep wondering if the ho ho i had for lunch is going to coalesce into a gram of fat particles.

instead of pumping iron in the gym with the other roid head protein (shake) guzzlers or beating myself half dead around a track i sit comfortably at home playing video games and shagging my wonderful wonderful lady. who is smoking hot.

earth to slater, a recent poll actually pointed out that more "attractive" women enjoy dating men who look like men. just regular guys. who wear dirty sweatpants, grow beards, and have little egg bellies. i mean, even if someone did go out with you for your sextuplets what is going to happen when they fade away in the deluge of beer, partying, and sedentary bf/gf life? i suppose to someone like you it probably doesnt matter, shallow hal that you are, it's too bad you haven't been beaten upside the head to adjust your view of everyone and everything that may happen to have breasts and a vagina.

oh well. go, mr. six pack picture. go to the gym and to the track and take pictures of yourself with your web cam for myspace when you get back, but don't dally or the sweat may dry off, and we all know how important that lustrous sheen is when dazzling your lesser viewers. in your mind you are god and well, i applaud you, because one day you're going to stare up at the cracked plaster of your bachelor pad with some myspacer slut lieing next to you that you "scored" with (but not really because she was the one who made all the connections and did all the work and will forget about you before the sun comes up while you will reminisce to your home skillets about how you really gave it to her for weeks upon weeks to come) and you will realize she probably did this to the other 9000 "cool dudes" who messaged her after she left comments on their six pack of "hot" abdominal pictures.

Mr. six pack... i salute you! king of the man bimbos.

the only six packs i care about carrying are the ones that come with aluminum tabs and are bound together in plastic ring caddies. =count it!=

a mutual slump

Subject : a mutual slump

Posted Date: : Nov 5, 2005 4:18 PM

I am very tired of not having money. Demoralizing, disheartening, and depressing is what it's like to have no money. You don't care about much of anything and you don't want to work at anything. But you do work, because that is the only way to get out of the slump of negative dollars.

What about life? I have no wealth, no steady state of capital. I have debt. gobs upon gobs of debt that only work will erase. I tell myself that I am tired of being poor, of being on the higher end of the have nots. I tell myself that my kids are going to have everything that I don't have, but that isn't true. It's just a wish. This is not an emo rant, this is just letting off some of the pressure that stacks up over the years when it becomes more and more clear that you are very likely not going to be "successful, grounded, rich, dateable, married, healthy, a grand parent, a good father, provider, on top, stable." The world isn't out to get me. It also is not out to make amends or make things better either.

Don't tell me life isn't bleak and then tell me I have no way to advance myself upward through the class ranks because its just who I've grown to be. You're lieing to yourself if you think everyone gets a fair crack at anything. Life doesn't suck all the time for anyone, but that does not mean life doesnt suck alot of the time for someone.

Difficult days. Not enough is going to change by the time I graduate and not enough minds will change about who I am, how I work, what I know, and what I believe to make a difference in the paths that have been laid out today. Life is like a box of slant rhymes. Or maybe its like a bowl of soup and some people get silver spoons while other people get stirring rods.

What is there to look forward to? The "mutual slump of body and soul"? New beginnings; don't get too excited about those. they always start right where you left off. There is one thing to look forward to and that is consistency.

They may not leave you, but if they do it'll be for similar reasons.

You'll work hard and it won't count for anything much.

No one will give you anything you haven't earned or won't pay for later.

You will always be the best company you'll know.

Beer will always taste like beer, weed will always get you high, and money will always feel like eels in your back pocket, foreign, uncomfortable, and itching to slip away.