Subject : women with children (a.k.a. young'ns)
Posted Date: : Mar 15, 2007 2:32 AM
alright... so walking through the old food court today around 2 in the afternoon after a hard days shopping for some sexy man pants (for myself) and some tighties (for mr. wangthony) and a duffle (for my shotguns) I realized something that other people have probably noticed too: the vitality of younger mothers with their children. I mean seriously... the food court is a pretty shitty place most of the time... especially the one at the mall near my house. Every five to ten seconds someone is thrusting some free sample in your face and the dumb thing is 4 out of the 7 places to eat are all asian food so they basically sell you the same thing at varying price points.
I usually hate it but today was different. really kind of weird in a fun way. instead of the usual dark, dingy, fat people, consumerist, gluttony that usually hangs in the air i felt a kind of lightness... like standing between two statically charged sheets of plastic... or maybe to state that better... like entering a pet store and finding all of the critters had something to say to you about how good you looked. alright well, anyway, the point is, what was different was that the place was full of mothers and their little kids running around and playing with eachother and taking care of eachother. the whole place just effused life.
I always thought pregnant women were pretty hot. yes ive seen pregnant porn... its not very good most of the time. pregnant erotica is more the ticket. but this was on a whole separate level. I think pregnant women are hot because of that feeling i cited before... that sense of utter, glowing, vitality that colors their faces and their voices, even when they're puking or complaining or just feeling awful. It comes out even more when they're in a good mood. It's like walking through a rainy day and suddenly finding yourself in the presence of a sun shower though seconds before everything was cold dark and rotten.
i wanna have kids some day. two of them. a boy and a girl. right now i want to see my girlfriend become my wife and have my kids. i want to see her smile at them and wipe the ice cream off their faces when they decide to use their hands to eat from the bowl instead of their spoons. i want to see her getting rest when she's full with them and taking off from work. i want to cook dinner for her when she cant and change the channel for her when they're born and growing and stealing the tv remotes to use them for space ships.
women with children (inside or outside their bodies) are beautiful. they are beings capable of producing transformative experiences with their mere presence, but to put it differnetly, they are love personified on so many different levels and through so many different relationships and interactions that it would be silly to list them here, so i will shut up and think about my future and hope that it incudes one in a few years. im sure you've probably heard the above before from someone else... so just let this be confirmation to you and stick your snide commentary about "heard it before" up your nose, swirl it around, and when you pull it back out i hope your frontal lobes are dangling from the end of it.
disclaimer - they are not all beautiful. there are some that are frieghtening, repelling, and just plain gross (for reasons that need not be enumerated here). so here's to hoping that the latter (the most recent statement) is //not// in my future... cuz that shit will be difficult to deal with keeping in my mind my dreams and ambitions. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyit.
on another note... my next and last year of college is shaping up to SUCK ASS. thankyou. that is all.
///pink floyd - "wish you were here" just a lazy, rainy, maryland thursday by the marsh and the train tracks kinda song. i havent thought of the deeper meanings of the lyrics. i havent even heard the song recently, but i keep thinking about that chorus fragment... because well... i wish my country mouse was here right now and i wish i was in pittsburgh and ... im just feeling full of wishiness (sans washy. i dont get washy... i get wistful... jerk).
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
3/11/07
starside 03/11/07
Subject : starside
Posted Date: : Mar 11, 2007 4:04 PM
heading out to the maryland colony to visit my little sister and make some cash.
the only thing that makes riding the greyhound interesting is just thinking about it as a space shuttle. a really crappy, really square, really smelly, but moderately inexpensive, space shuttle, and you are the intrepid... uhm... business man being sent out to the stars to double check some standards and regulations issue for your company that didnt have the loose change to send you first class. now thats interesting. like that jetsons movie.
so here's the plan. disembark monday morning. cut down some trees. chill out.... play some games... maybe watch a movie.... eat... sleep... and repeat until friday afternoon.
embarassing moment of the week: i had so much trouble having an orgasm today that i ended up masterbating from around 4 am till like 7.30. either i really suck at masterbating or something is wrong. i probably just need to give the nerve endings a break.
happy/sad moment of the week: anne's spiraling success. its getting out of control. the only way for things to continue at this pace is if she just started finding thousand dollar bills laying around on the sidewalk. its happy because she's worked hard and is already getting to see some benefits... but its also sad... because im not seeing any returns on my efforts yet... and probably wont for another year. ah well. i can wait. im a patient person. and if it takes too long i can at least learn how to cheat the game a little from watching it so long from the sidelines. hopefully cheating wont end up meaning acquiring a drug problem.
funny moment of the week: i was typing some drunken text messages and i dont know how many of them even got sent... but the thing was that i've been missing anne while shes in florida and at the time i was typing the messages i couldnt think of the words i was trying to say. i knew how i felt but there was a tangle of non responsive brain matter between feelings and typing fingertips. so i eventually just admitted i couldnt find the words... and for some reason i felt ashamed. but god damn it, did i try. there are six or seven saved messages that look like a two year old got their hands on refrigerator magnet letters and spilled the box... on a jigsaw puzzle.
///meat beat manifesto - "what does it all mean" a pretty cool song to listen to when youre gettin 'r done. you know moves are never fake. society is a drag so why not drop it?
Posted Date: : Mar 11, 2007 4:04 PM
heading out to the maryland colony to visit my little sister and make some cash.
the only thing that makes riding the greyhound interesting is just thinking about it as a space shuttle. a really crappy, really square, really smelly, but moderately inexpensive, space shuttle, and you are the intrepid... uhm... business man being sent out to the stars to double check some standards and regulations issue for your company that didnt have the loose change to send you first class. now thats interesting. like that jetsons movie.
so here's the plan. disembark monday morning. cut down some trees. chill out.... play some games... maybe watch a movie.... eat... sleep... and repeat until friday afternoon.
embarassing moment of the week: i had so much trouble having an orgasm today that i ended up masterbating from around 4 am till like 7.30. either i really suck at masterbating or something is wrong. i probably just need to give the nerve endings a break.
happy/sad moment of the week: anne's spiraling success. its getting out of control. the only way for things to continue at this pace is if she just started finding thousand dollar bills laying around on the sidewalk. its happy because she's worked hard and is already getting to see some benefits... but its also sad... because im not seeing any returns on my efforts yet... and probably wont for another year. ah well. i can wait. im a patient person. and if it takes too long i can at least learn how to cheat the game a little from watching it so long from the sidelines. hopefully cheating wont end up meaning acquiring a drug problem.
funny moment of the week: i was typing some drunken text messages and i dont know how many of them even got sent... but the thing was that i've been missing anne while shes in florida and at the time i was typing the messages i couldnt think of the words i was trying to say. i knew how i felt but there was a tangle of non responsive brain matter between feelings and typing fingertips. so i eventually just admitted i couldnt find the words... and for some reason i felt ashamed. but god damn it, did i try. there are six or seven saved messages that look like a two year old got their hands on refrigerator magnet letters and spilled the box... on a jigsaw puzzle.
///meat beat manifesto - "what does it all mean" a pretty cool song to listen to when youre gettin 'r done. you know moves are never fake. society is a drag so why not drop it?
3/5/07
music frustrations 03/05/07
Subject : music frustrations
Posted Date: : Mar 5, 2007 11:22 AM
I realized i've been hiding something from others who visit me here and that thing is that i am an enya fan. i've never been to her live show, but if i did i would definitely try to go back stage and have her sign a full length poster of herself so i could hang it on the back of my door as well as the box set of her entire collection that i will mount on a shelf over my television. not really, but if i was an absolute fanatic i would probably have her sign my neck or something.
one thing that i have found frustrating is that when you are a fan of a certain groups music there is a perpensity for reaching back into their collection and finding what you would consider their best album, and then only listening to it and a select few others. Meanwhile new work constantly comes out and you are stuck in your little time warp of pleasure until the pleasure tank runs dry. all of the sudden you have an entire library of music you just dont feel like listening to anymore and you are completely out of touch with the scene you loved so much. i've mentioned this anxiety before, but now i realize there is this second way of finding yourself marooned in musical space time.
it seems the only solutions might just be to force yourself to let go of what you've got and always look to get more. it sounds kind of greedy. it kind of makes me wonder if thats why people with "perspective" on life gained through incessantly traveling the globe and seeing all there is to see (there are always new things to be seen somewhere) give me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. are they really traveling to help themselves see the world under an unbiased and perfectly informed lens or are they just gluts and liars, afraid of any form of constancy for the fear of being called closed minded? i dont see anything wrong with being a little closed minded if it means you get to enjoy what you do have, you get to enjoy the circumstances of your life, for a little while before you run off questing for more. sometimes there just isnt more out there to be had. yeah something new is always happening, but just because its new doesnt mean its different from what is here, and what is now.
///enya - "marble halls" because no one should have to go to sleep without being sung a gentle lullaby now and then.
Posted Date: : Mar 5, 2007 11:22 AM
I realized i've been hiding something from others who visit me here and that thing is that i am an enya fan. i've never been to her live show, but if i did i would definitely try to go back stage and have her sign a full length poster of herself so i could hang it on the back of my door as well as the box set of her entire collection that i will mount on a shelf over my television. not really, but if i was an absolute fanatic i would probably have her sign my neck or something.
one thing that i have found frustrating is that when you are a fan of a certain groups music there is a perpensity for reaching back into their collection and finding what you would consider their best album, and then only listening to it and a select few others. Meanwhile new work constantly comes out and you are stuck in your little time warp of pleasure until the pleasure tank runs dry. all of the sudden you have an entire library of music you just dont feel like listening to anymore and you are completely out of touch with the scene you loved so much. i've mentioned this anxiety before, but now i realize there is this second way of finding yourself marooned in musical space time.
it seems the only solutions might just be to force yourself to let go of what you've got and always look to get more. it sounds kind of greedy. it kind of makes me wonder if thats why people with "perspective" on life gained through incessantly traveling the globe and seeing all there is to see (there are always new things to be seen somewhere) give me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. are they really traveling to help themselves see the world under an unbiased and perfectly informed lens or are they just gluts and liars, afraid of any form of constancy for the fear of being called closed minded? i dont see anything wrong with being a little closed minded if it means you get to enjoy what you do have, you get to enjoy the circumstances of your life, for a little while before you run off questing for more. sometimes there just isnt more out there to be had. yeah something new is always happening, but just because its new doesnt mean its different from what is here, and what is now.
///enya - "marble halls" because no one should have to go to sleep without being sung a gentle lullaby now and then.
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