AUTHOR.CALHO: If I didn't write it, I would be hitch hiking cross country to Maine and then Alaska in that order. While taking frequent breaks to spread leaflets. And sit in diners. And write on things because I wasn't at a computer. I may still do that in a few years. Writing this also helps me forget about and better understand the limitations of being human, and keeps me busy enough to allow me no free time to burn the world down.

THEMATIC.ABOUT : Collapse often. The things that hold people together and hold them apart and scatter brains. The things that make thoughts go boom. The things that ooh and aah and [expletive deleted]. Sometimes poking around the margins where responsibility ends and the only one to look to is the Original Equipment Manufacturer and say "but, I already pressed 9 for more options and the menus are exactly the same. Can you just replace it?" The answer will be: "please hold." Sometimes hanging out in dark corners. Sometimes following the train tracks. Looking for ways out and ways in and all the while sharing the things seen and heard and done and drawn and written and scorched and healed and teased and caged and dreamed along the way.

3/5/07

music frustrations 03/05/07

Subject : music frustrations
Posted Date: : Mar 5, 2007 11:22 AM

I realized i've been hiding something from others who visit me here and that thing is that i am an enya fan. i've never been to her live show, but if i did i would definitely try to go back stage and have her sign a full length poster of herself so i could hang it on the back of my door as well as the box set of her entire collection that i will mount on a shelf over my television. not really, but if i was an absolute fanatic i would probably have her sign my neck or something.

one thing that i have found frustrating is that when you are a fan of a certain groups music there is a perpensity for reaching back into their collection and finding what you would consider their best album, and then only listening to it and a select few others. Meanwhile new work constantly comes out and you are stuck in your little time warp of pleasure until the pleasure tank runs dry. all of the sudden you have an entire library of music you just dont feel like listening to anymore and you are completely out of touch with the scene you loved so much. i've mentioned this anxiety before, but now i realize there is this second way of finding yourself marooned in musical space time.

it seems the only solutions might just be to force yourself to let go of what you've got and always look to get more. it sounds kind of greedy. it kind of makes me wonder if thats why people with "perspective" on life gained through incessantly traveling the globe and seeing all there is to see (there are always new things to be seen somewhere) give me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. are they really traveling to help themselves see the world under an unbiased and perfectly informed lens or are they just gluts and liars, afraid of any form of constancy for the fear of being called closed minded? i dont see anything wrong with being a little closed minded if it means you get to enjoy what you do have, you get to enjoy the circumstances of your life, for a little while before you run off questing for more. sometimes there just isnt more out there to be had. yeah something new is always happening, but just because its new doesnt mean its different from what is here, and what is now.

///enya - "marble halls" because no one should have to go to sleep without being sung a gentle lullaby now and then.
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