AUTHOR.CALHO: If I didn't write it, I would be hitch hiking cross country to Maine and then Alaska in that order. While taking frequent breaks to spread leaflets. And sit in diners. And write on things because I wasn't at a computer. I may still do that in a few years. Writing this also helps me forget about and better understand the limitations of being human, and keeps me busy enough to allow me no free time to burn the world down.

THEMATIC.ABOUT : Collapse often. The things that hold people together and hold them apart and scatter brains. The things that make thoughts go boom. The things that ooh and aah and [expletive deleted]. Sometimes poking around the margins where responsibility ends and the only one to look to is the Original Equipment Manufacturer and say "but, I already pressed 9 for more options and the menus are exactly the same. Can you just replace it?" The answer will be: "please hold." Sometimes hanging out in dark corners. Sometimes following the train tracks. Looking for ways out and ways in and all the while sharing the things seen and heard and done and drawn and written and scorched and healed and teased and caged and dreamed along the way.

8/1/14

Shove Off

Often times, many times, too many times, you cannot shove off where you left go.  It's just fact.  There are no two ways about it.  It's not that not alright, you know?  Sure, it's rotten.  We all get that.  It's not all rotten.  You cannot advance without memory.  You can not advance without recall, dispute me!

They're different.  They are very different things.  Hypothesis and road up to where the pages were included, had you possession of the expansion boxed set.

It's unusual?  Maybe I never picked it up while growing up.  It feels very weird as I've come to understand my body...  am I now finally full grown?

Twenty nine.  The number feels okay, reasonable.  Going backwards my last/earliest memory is looking at the park next to preschool.

Weight is the question.  Topped out around 155 +- 5, third year of college jumped to 160 +- 10 then ten years later topped out around 195 no matter what I do.   Am I now growing into my body?  After all this time?  Laughing indignation?  I do not get it.  I don't get it.  I don't fucking understand it.  Why did it take so long.  How come no one warned me?

Feels reasonable.  Seems reasonable.  I'm pretty sure puberty is not supposed to last 16 years.  That doesn't sound right.  I've noticed my footfalls are heavier with the extra weight.  I have to think farther ahead to not step on or run into things.  Am I officially stocky?  Dear God!  Am I stocky?  Am I permanently 5'11", no less than 190 lbs, arms and legs damn near equal in length?  Well, I'm not okay with that!  It's unsettling.  Why couldn't I have had an abnormally long ring finger or something.

It is a nuisance: having to understand your body and check back to understand the trouble codes on the high line.
at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)