Commercial Pitch A43-1 "Great Day"

Has your day gone incredibly well?  Have you set out successfully, avoided traffic, made it home in reasonable time and been fairly productive while at your work site?  Do you feel fairly confident in your abilities to produce results that justify your employment and pay and are you satisfied with what you have accomplished and ready to relax the night away?  Well, have we got the product for you!

From the makers of "It turned out my car keys fell under the car and were not locked inside", "I locked my front door after all", and "The stove was not on while I was away," comes the absolutely ground breaking "Today went so well I can't wait to relax!"

With each order of Tow Sow Lax you will receive a full sleeve of 25 medical grade razor blades and an easy change safety handle.  That's twenty five blades that a surgeon would be exceptionally impressed with.  These blades are so sharp they can cut through balsa wood simply by dropping them edge on.  Along with the 25 blades you will also receive one magnifying monocle with comfort grip foam eyepiece so that you never have to worry about it slipping away from your furrowed brow.  Also included is one 1000 lumens, rechargeable head lamp.  That's right, 1000 lumens that will follow your gaze wherever you direct it that will easily charge in hours from any USB port to full strength within hours!  Any USB port!  That means your wall charger for your phone, your computer, your monitor, your laptop, anything that has a compatible standard sized USB receptacle.

With all of that you don't need to ask what's more!  We'll tell you!  Included with your sleeve of 25 medical grade razor blades, easy change safety handle, comfort grip magnifying monocle, and 1000 lumens quick charge head lamp, comes a full assortment self adhesive, self sanitizing bandages in 8 different colors to fit whatever your style or mood may be.  Not only are they self adhering and sanitizing, but they are also water resistant and breathable!  With all of this included we will throw in with every order our patented easy open jar of foot glass.  With two different sizes of dispensing holes you can sprinkle along your walk paths in your apartments whatever sized shards of glass you want!

When you come home and feel absolutely stricken with a sense of general well being and feel like today went so well that you can't wait to relax, Tow Sow Lax is there for you.  Sprinkle a little in the kitchen before leaving for work, sprinkle a little near your bed when you wake up, pour a bunch into the carpet on the stairs to your laundry room, apply some to your slippers or your bath mat.  Come home after work, kick off your shoes, and let that good feeling melt away in eye watering stabs of agony and disgust.  And for a few cents more on the dollar we will throw in our extra Tow Sow Lax for tires and sneakers.  Don't have time to take off your shoes or slippers?  Going for a bike ride right after work instead of into your home?  Tow Sow Lax XL will have you sitting for hours going blind from brilliant light trying to find that tiny glimmer of glass between swiping blood from between your toes only to find you cannot see a damn thing once again and have in fact forced it deeper into your flesh.

Tow Sow Lax!  Keep on digging (tweezers sold separately, shipping and handling extra, cash and checks are not accepted).