Admissions, Missions, Poor Planning, Hobos, and Caught Out

So I didn't plan this particularly well.  Not as well as I could have.  Given my circumstances and propensity for utter restlessness.  I'm in a position where I'm dying to hit the road and run, but I just finished a six pack and I know if I go outside right now and try to do anything, my judgement will couple up with my reckless streak and I'll end up punching a hobo in the face in a train tunnel by the river and possibly getting shanked.  Nobody wants that.  Especially not the part of me that likes to not get knifed.  All I can think about, well not all, but most of what I can think about is getting out in that humid cool air and sucking lung fulls of it.  Then again I have to keep in mind the mileage I put on last week and make sure I rest my hooves enough to do it all again this week.  So maybe, not poor planning.  Maybe out smarting myself while out out smarting myself.  Or just poor planning.  That's easier to say.  I'm about ready to jump out of a second story window.

More importantly though I had to go in and delete some blogs.  Projects I had a vision for that never panned out.  Sometimes because they were joint efforts with other people and the other people never put in the effort and they metastasized into additional solo projects I couldn't support on my own along with the things I was already doing on the regular (and subsequently killed some of the regular efforts I was bending myself to in the brief time I tried to do both).  It is kind of tough to admit.  Sometimes things just don't work out anywhere near where I expect them to, which is why I am reluctant to do anything with anybody anymore.  Not that their real lives tend to take precedent.  Or maybe they do.  I have no real idea why anyone stops.  I know why I stop and start.  I just don't see those same reasons being relevant to others.  Not that I'm unique or anything like that.  I'm just unique in my limits and strengths.  No, I'm kidding.  Experience has taught me that is the case.  My perceptions of myself, however, may vary.

They went down easy though.  I downloaded the ones with enough content to want to reread them at some point.  Revisit the prisoners of the digital infomatic time capsulator 9000.  I glossed some of them as I downloaded and reviewed and decided yay or nay for axing.   What was lost is not worth going over explicitly.  What survived is a pair of joint efforts with the real j chen.  One not touched in forever and the other edited more recently than I expected, but still a year out from today.  I owe it a call back at least.  Wait and see, maybe.  A wait and see kind of deal.  The other survivors were all things with names I could pick up and immediately begin rebuilding or re-purpose, restructure, and give new life to, in light of new efforts forthcoming.  There's still Fingerslip (the long gestation writing space), there's Hateitalready (which will be repurposed from a place to rant about new products I hate already into an infrequent comic I've been putting off forever, but have wanted to do for easily three years now), there's Simplelongingundertow (which will be about sex and strictly so), and then the Encyclopediamechanica (a store house for made up tech stuff I want to have available to myself and searchable primarily for story construction and resolution of timeline continuity issues, but available to the public because sometimes the best parts of stories are the gadgets and I want that to be documented... assuming I can write and produce something worth reading and reviewing and delving deeper into [adding a richness perhaps I otherwise could not achieve on a short story budget... I dunno]).  Thems the survivors.

The mission becomes not letting myself get as caught out as I have been.  Focus.  Hocus focus were to be the names of my cats if I got a pair, but I didn't.  I have been a little bit caught out.  Caught between reading and reading up on old movies by watching them and reading up on old stories and rewatching (more like studying and breaking down) films I have enjoyed and disliked and plot lines I have enjoyed and passed off as trash and scripts.  A lot of time has been spent plotting and planning to the point of compulsion.  A lot of time has been spent, yes, dreaming still.  That is probably one of my top five primary functions.  Dream composition.  Now it's time to start making the faces and planes and points and lines intersect.  They're all there, even though I'm not always.  I had a thought about the sky being the limit, which is patently false.  What I came to was that the sky is not the limit, but the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can get to working toward putting yourself in a position where that might actually become the case through some luck, coincidence, and connection.  I glass ceiling implies a glass floor somewhere.

Anyway, the point is, what do I have to do to get laid in this town?  And more importantly.... you know, I don't think there's a second part to that.  At what age do you just forget about getting laid altogether.  Cause that shit is distracting.  Can I skip to that age?  That spot in the timeline where it's not even that you forget about it, but it's that your genitals transmogrify from a point of expression and emotion and even, sometimes, source of soul and self into little more than say a plumbing fixture or decorative coaster.  What I do know is that one of these days along my life span I am going to wake up with super powers and the world better hope I die before that day comes because I will be the worst superman ever.  Can superman even do crack?  Does he have to do supercrack to get an equivalent high?  I know there was that one superman movie where he got drunk, but seriously, if he went to a bar he would have to drink the entire bar to get drunk.  Unless his powers only apply to mechanical elements.  musculo skeletal systems.  Worst super power ever.  Or just not a great movie.  I don't know.  The point is, stuff is going to get did.  Because the stuff not getting done is gone.  Also because if things don't get done I will feel terrible and listless and end up down at the docks again fighting hobos.


///Aphex Twin - "Waxen Pith"  think time