broken thoughts cohere poorly 12/15/06

Subject : broken thoughts cohere poorly
Posted Date: : Dec 15, 2006 8:15 PM

im hedging about what to write.

i had a crazy dream about dry humping t-girl vampires. it was pretty fucking scary. i also looked up what a post op vagina looks like and it is fucking ugly. nothing like the real ones girls have.... which i guess is hard to define since the ppl that have post op vaginas are technically girls. you know what the fuck i mean though so i wont expound any further. weird dream. it happend while a friend of mine was playing the orchestrated rendition of coldplay's second album. it was good music when i was awake but apparently fucked with my brain on a subconcious level. either that or the fact that i missed dinner. ah well.

i was thinking about something earlier. i was thinking about the idea that...

hmm. some big football player dude just saw me watch his lady friend walk into the bathroom. no sexual thoughts crossed my mind, but seeing the schtuppy hardened look on his face when i glanced back kinda made me wish i had so that i could have a smug moment of self satisfaction. as it stands, the only thing i got out of it was the over riding sensation that he's an idiot. i guess ppl get that sometimes from my writing, you know, except directed towards me. well im not going to tell you to go fuck yourselves... its normal.

i think ive reached fuck quota for this entry so ill try and direct my vocabulary into new realms of fucking awesomeness.

so anyway... i was thinking about something today. oh yeah. i saw time magazines pictures of the year and one of the pictures was a party bus going to a prom at the high school that inspired the TV series the OC. It enfuriated me. i ripped the page out of the magazine and flushed it down the toilet that i was sitting on while i read. i moved on to maxim. if im gonna read shit it better be properly labeled.

in other news... ive been making some strides in getting over the anxiety of influence. ive been told my poetry tends to skew toward wallace-stevens-esque-ness with C.D. Wright sprinkles. I've been avoiding reading their work like the black plague, but I did end up reading one of C.D. Wrights books. I might look up wallace sometime too. being a vessel of tradition ain't so bad so long as i dont let it trap me. oh yeah... fuck this train of thought... what i really wanted to say was this:

i pulled out the 400 pages of notes i wrote in highschool when i was trying to put together a galaxy to host the space opera that i was beginning to envision in middle school. i saw star wars way back then and i was like: man this is awesome, but what about... what if... how come... and the questions lead me, in my writing, to decide i would make my own saga. my own fucking epic. so im gonna try and work on it some more over christmas break. its one of the projects that has literally been nagging the back of my head for years. one thing though... if its ever adapted for cinema... cuz im gonna write the screenplay anyway once its done... but if it ever is... or if it makes it to animation... i get to pick the soundtrack