is to forget about righting the ship. its going down. theres nothing you can do about it. you know that feeling you get of being the only one bailing out the water? thats not you feeling like you're the only one bailing out the bilge. that is you and you are in fact the only way bailing out the water. so put down the bucket. take a breath. and make friends with the guy in charge of the life rafts.
or better yet... especially if the guy in charge of the life rafts is a total dick... and you dont have children or women to barter or a gun or even so much as a harpoon cannon with which to spear yourself to a passing dolphin that will swim you to safety, just let it go. if its a decent cruise there'll be plenty of trash or dead children to cling to. theyre almost as good as floatation devices once they stop thrashing. find yourself a nice fat kid (they struggle less) and stay close to him till things die down. instant save. and you didnt throw out your back tossing water either.
nice. i know. if only someone gave you that idea sooner. i myself only thought of it just now. even better than that? find rope or an extension chord. tie two fat kids together. that way when the sharks come to pick over whats left of what was supposed to be your serene vacation theyll fill up on fat kid and leave you alone and also leave you plenty of fat kid to spare till the coast gaurd comes. when they ask you questions just tell them they tied themselves together and thats how it was when you found them. people do crazy things to survive. dont make yourself a foolish exception.
or do. i guess it really depends on who you're friends with.
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
5/6/10
pictures and links and interesting things
okay so i feel bad. mainly because i feel like this thing doesnt contribute anything to society. well, to society that exists beyond the four walls of my room.
would links help? dull the doldrums. do you remember reading about that in the phantom tollbooth?
yeah, it was a good book. so how about this. ill put links to things that are interesting to me sometimes instead of just telling you about it, ill show you fuckers. and then youll be sorry. youll all be sorry!
or not. probably not. so pictures, links
, and was there a third thing? there wasnt was there. there feels like there should be a third thing.
oh yeah the third thing... im gonna go back through the receipts and tag all of the artists i mention at the ends of posts so that well no that has no bearing on what you will or will not be able to see. oh well. how about this: you know that time i said it would take a tiny bit of work to make this account of human collapse even more fun to look at? i barely do. its hazy. no im kidding its clear as fucking day light on the belly of a beached albino sea cow. yeah, ill do it. and then we'll really be in love.
///The Roc Project Feat. Tina Area - "Never (Past Tense)" only because there was a 120 minute mixtape once upon a time that had this song in the mix. it isnt particularly good. there's very little i would count as special about it. but the song that was mixed in after it was amazing. sadly it was a live mix on the vaunted, now dissolved and refaced, 99.1 whfs. back when the radio still had something interesting going for it besides the prairie home companion. remember that show? it started off as trancemissions and then turned into zoltar's closet. shit was tizzight. anyway... this song was not great but the one after it that i remember to this day, but couldnt tell you the name of if you held a gun to my head, was soooo good. so i keep this song around to make absolutely sure i dont forget its conjoined hotter sibling.
would links help? dull the doldrums. do you remember reading about that in the phantom tollbooth?
yeah, it was a good book. so how about this. ill put links to things that are interesting to me sometimes instead of just telling you about it, ill show you fuckers. and then youll be sorry. youll all be sorry!or not. probably not. so pictures, links
, and was there a third thing? there wasnt was there. there feels like there should be a third thing. oh yeah the third thing... im gonna go back through the receipts and tag all of the artists i mention at the ends of posts so that well no that has no bearing on what you will or will not be able to see. oh well. how about this: you know that time i said it would take a tiny bit of work to make this account of human collapse even more fun to look at? i barely do. its hazy. no im kidding its clear as fucking day light on the belly of a beached albino sea cow. yeah, ill do it. and then we'll really be in love.
///The Roc Project Feat. Tina Area - "Never (Past Tense)" only because there was a 120 minute mixtape once upon a time that had this song in the mix. it isnt particularly good. there's very little i would count as special about it. but the song that was mixed in after it was amazing. sadly it was a live mix on the vaunted, now dissolved and refaced, 99.1 whfs. back when the radio still had something interesting going for it besides the prairie home companion. remember that show? it started off as trancemissions and then turned into zoltar's closet. shit was tizzight. anyway... this song was not great but the one after it that i remember to this day, but couldnt tell you the name of if you held a gun to my head, was soooo good. so i keep this song around to make absolutely sure i dont forget its conjoined hotter sibling.
5/4/10
flat earth round earth
so ive been meaning to read rich dad poor dad. but my current thinking has lead me to believe that whatever is actually in the book itll boil down to flat earth round earth.
flat earth round earth is basically the argument im working on (not really, unless thinking about it all the time can qualify and pass for argument these days. how about monologistifying to myself about. daily. hourly. all right im talking to myself and arguing. there. i said it) but a lot of things fall into the flat earth round earth argument structure. perspectivising. creative writing has ruined my vocabulary. or maybe just english...
so the whole flat earth round earth thing is this: if you live in a world that says the earth is flat you gain nothing from knowing that it is actually round. in fact you would experience increased success and opportunities for success if you at least behaved as though the earth were indeed flat. fast forward to today... the opposite is true but thats only because the consensus is that the world is round.
so where does the modern predicament come in? good question. does a person get farther by fitting into common tracts of experiences? yes. i would argue yes. if your experience is simple to understand in terms that are common to descriptions of experiences in popular media then you do get farther. the more specialized and unique you are the greater your chances for failure.
for a minority of people the devil really is in the details. because they dont fit into common tracts of experience and complications blossom and abound and make progress difficult if not impossible. but in a structured society i guess there is only so much tolerance or should i say "tolerance" for deviation. i.e. if someone has mommy daddy issues, there are only so many kinds of mommy daddy issues covered by common popular experience or media portrayals that will allow people to access, identify, and respond to those specific mommy daddy issues in a meaningful and positive way. when those experiences fall outside those boundaries responses turn negative (like a kid tasting radically different food. their response isnt a like or hate it response as much as it is a unfamiliar [and thus gross] familiar response). when that happens you are living on a round world in a flat universe.
its not that people dont know how to respond as much as it is a response simply is not forth coming that is meaningful or positive (in that meaningful responses are generally posit...) well i just got way too technical. i guess what im trying to say is for every unique world changing personality there are entire country populating amounts of people just as unique or fucked up who will never experience that golden ratio of fucked upness to relatability. thats what im trying to say. flat earth round earth.
basically im seeing life in 4 dimensions and i somehow need to get back to one. enter chemicals.
but before i go, rich dad poor dad. that book. in that book i believe i will read about how planning and temperament and education and savings and taking a longer perspective in general will make a rich dad and that rich dads make rich kids who become rich dads... but i severely doubt that i will read anything that will turn poor dads into rich dads. not that poor dads would know what to do with money to begin with (an argument for another time) buuut rich dad poor dad is basically flat earth round earth framed around money instead of human experience.i think. i assume. possibly. i dunno
i just do not know. im never going to read that book.
the measure of information i know for certain i could probably write in one sentence. that information is coming soon. one sentence. next post. promise.
///amon tobin - "el wraith" twisting turning gripping my brain till it pops into two pieces and then four and then eight and then sixteen and then five minutes and fifty nine seconds are gone and im back to seeing me.
flat earth round earth is basically the argument im working on (not really, unless thinking about it all the time can qualify and pass for argument these days. how about monologistifying to myself about. daily. hourly. all right im talking to myself and arguing. there. i said it) but a lot of things fall into the flat earth round earth argument structure. perspectivising. creative writing has ruined my vocabulary. or maybe just english...
so the whole flat earth round earth thing is this: if you live in a world that says the earth is flat you gain nothing from knowing that it is actually round. in fact you would experience increased success and opportunities for success if you at least behaved as though the earth were indeed flat. fast forward to today... the opposite is true but thats only because the consensus is that the world is round.
so where does the modern predicament come in? good question. does a person get farther by fitting into common tracts of experiences? yes. i would argue yes. if your experience is simple to understand in terms that are common to descriptions of experiences in popular media then you do get farther. the more specialized and unique you are the greater your chances for failure.
for a minority of people the devil really is in the details. because they dont fit into common tracts of experience and complications blossom and abound and make progress difficult if not impossible. but in a structured society i guess there is only so much tolerance or should i say "tolerance" for deviation. i.e. if someone has mommy daddy issues, there are only so many kinds of mommy daddy issues covered by common popular experience or media portrayals that will allow people to access, identify, and respond to those specific mommy daddy issues in a meaningful and positive way. when those experiences fall outside those boundaries responses turn negative (like a kid tasting radically different food. their response isnt a like or hate it response as much as it is a unfamiliar [and thus gross] familiar response). when that happens you are living on a round world in a flat universe.
its not that people dont know how to respond as much as it is a response simply is not forth coming that is meaningful or positive (in that meaningful responses are generally posit...) well i just got way too technical. i guess what im trying to say is for every unique world changing personality there are entire country populating amounts of people just as unique or fucked up who will never experience that golden ratio of fucked upness to relatability. thats what im trying to say. flat earth round earth.
basically im seeing life in 4 dimensions and i somehow need to get back to one. enter chemicals.
but before i go, rich dad poor dad. that book. in that book i believe i will read about how planning and temperament and education and savings and taking a longer perspective in general will make a rich dad and that rich dads make rich kids who become rich dads... but i severely doubt that i will read anything that will turn poor dads into rich dads. not that poor dads would know what to do with money to begin with (an argument for another time) buuut rich dad poor dad is basically flat earth round earth framed around money instead of human experience.i think. i assume. possibly. i dunno
i just do not know. im never going to read that book.
the measure of information i know for certain i could probably write in one sentence. that information is coming soon. one sentence. next post. promise.
///amon tobin - "el wraith" twisting turning gripping my brain till it pops into two pieces and then four and then eight and then sixteen and then five minutes and fifty nine seconds are gone and im back to seeing me.
5/1/10
life snobs
for a while i was afraid that what education ive pieced together over the years has made me a snob. like a life snob. the kind of person who turns their nose up at everything because of things encapsulated in the following phrases:
"the book was better"
"the original from (insert obscure year) was better"
"i wouldnt buy that if i were you"
"i researched X Y and Z and this is my informed opinion"
"i heard on npr the other day..."
"i read on bbc.co.uk the other day..."
"thats just history repeating itself if you look back to (insert obscure date and event)"
"that was actually a sample from (insert less known band)"
"if you weight the pros and cons of it..."
"i think you are definitely mistaken..."
"well if you think about it, thats what they want you to think..."
"thats how the system works..."
and so on. any one of the above phrases can be exchanged for simpler cruder and more direct and colloquial phrases like "you dumb shit"... and "that is some nigga shit right there" and on and on so the point is.... the point is that normally i would be extremely self conscious about these kinds of things and go home and worry that people think that i must think im some kind of poindexter life snob who knows more than he should about anything and tries to lord it over his peers cuz he has no friends and sleeps with a teddy bear and a dictionary under his pillow.
but the fact of the matter is... haha what an ugly phrase... how about the simpler answer to this conundrum is that all this percieved snobbery is a machination of being American. Simple as that. America encourages simple, muddy, plain as dirt thinking for the masses. Sure schools don't (usually) but the other school, the tv, does and continually. whats more is that any show of discernment, of critical consideration, automatically punts you up to the ugly "elite" class... those people that are too smart for their own good that fuck up the country for everyone, regardless of what your actual income is. im broke as hell most of the time, but im 99% certain that my parents think im some uppity smart ass who doesnt understand the value of a dollar. whatever the fuck that means
so i guess what im trying to say is that the french aint so bad. or the brits. what passes for snobbery now used to just be critical thinking skills and the ability to turn down cheap and instant for slightly more costly and much longer lasting. the desire to turn max profit out of everything has essentially made anything less into snobbery, when in fact most profits should not be measured in dollars despite the thousand dollar bills the tv smacks us with continually. but thats snobbery. dont be a snob. dont make your own sandwiches because they taste better. just shove some mcdonalds in your throat. its cheaper too so you get to put more money in your pocket. no brainer.
everyone has become so obsessed with no brainers when the honest to god truth is the people that keep the brains in their skulls and turned on have a hard time passing in the world of the no brainers. so many things happen and we have to say to ourselves ... wait what the fuck just happened there... but what have to say it internally because if we said it out loud we would sound crazy. if we said half of the things we actually thought about we would probably be called crazy.
i dunno.... maybe the problem here is that my thirst for knowledge has vastly outpaced my station in life. that could be seen as the problem. if i was a lot dumber. like a lot fucking dumber.... i would be happy as a skunk doing whatever it is skunks do the 23 hours and 55 minutes i dont see them walking across my parents back yard. i would be happy to be at home doing nothing. happy to eat food and wash dishes and mow the lawn and happy to listen to my mom talk about her bleeding fucking toes and my dad talk about how he has to beat the sluts off of his fat disgusting body all day while he works as a phone technician. christ... the root of this entire existential crisis is my education.
at least thats what a no brainer might say. and you know what... in the current setting... in this state of the union... they'd be right. fuck them. my brain is strapped on at all times and it might be the death of me, but god damn it, if thats the case then im ready to die.
///four tet - "Untitled [SAW2 CD1 Track1] (Four Tet remix)" this song has brought me nothing but joy. i came across the four tet remix album in the second lowest pit of my life. it wasnt a shovel. it wasnt water in the desert. it was meaning and reason and design written across the formless mass and black and blue of life's crush. and thats why i still like it. and thats why i still love it.
"the book was better"
"the original from (insert obscure year) was better"
"i wouldnt buy that if i were you"
"i researched X Y and Z and this is my informed opinion"
"i heard on npr the other day..."
"i read on bbc.co.uk the other day..."
"thats just history repeating itself if you look back to (insert obscure date and event)"
"that was actually a sample from (insert less known band)"
"if you weight the pros and cons of it..."
"i think you are definitely mistaken..."
"well if you think about it, thats what they want you to think..."
"thats how the system works..."
and so on. any one of the above phrases can be exchanged for simpler cruder and more direct and colloquial phrases like "you dumb shit"... and "that is some nigga shit right there" and on and on so the point is.... the point is that normally i would be extremely self conscious about these kinds of things and go home and worry that people think that i must think im some kind of poindexter life snob who knows more than he should about anything and tries to lord it over his peers cuz he has no friends and sleeps with a teddy bear and a dictionary under his pillow.
but the fact of the matter is... haha what an ugly phrase... how about the simpler answer to this conundrum is that all this percieved snobbery is a machination of being American. Simple as that. America encourages simple, muddy, plain as dirt thinking for the masses. Sure schools don't (usually) but the other school, the tv, does and continually. whats more is that any show of discernment, of critical consideration, automatically punts you up to the ugly "elite" class... those people that are too smart for their own good that fuck up the country for everyone, regardless of what your actual income is. im broke as hell most of the time, but im 99% certain that my parents think im some uppity smart ass who doesnt understand the value of a dollar. whatever the fuck that means
so i guess what im trying to say is that the french aint so bad. or the brits. what passes for snobbery now used to just be critical thinking skills and the ability to turn down cheap and instant for slightly more costly and much longer lasting. the desire to turn max profit out of everything has essentially made anything less into snobbery, when in fact most profits should not be measured in dollars despite the thousand dollar bills the tv smacks us with continually. but thats snobbery. dont be a snob. dont make your own sandwiches because they taste better. just shove some mcdonalds in your throat. its cheaper too so you get to put more money in your pocket. no brainer.
everyone has become so obsessed with no brainers when the honest to god truth is the people that keep the brains in their skulls and turned on have a hard time passing in the world of the no brainers. so many things happen and we have to say to ourselves ... wait what the fuck just happened there... but what have to say it internally because if we said it out loud we would sound crazy. if we said half of the things we actually thought about we would probably be called crazy.
i dunno.... maybe the problem here is that my thirst for knowledge has vastly outpaced my station in life. that could be seen as the problem. if i was a lot dumber. like a lot fucking dumber.... i would be happy as a skunk doing whatever it is skunks do the 23 hours and 55 minutes i dont see them walking across my parents back yard. i would be happy to be at home doing nothing. happy to eat food and wash dishes and mow the lawn and happy to listen to my mom talk about her bleeding fucking toes and my dad talk about how he has to beat the sluts off of his fat disgusting body all day while he works as a phone technician. christ... the root of this entire existential crisis is my education.
at least thats what a no brainer might say. and you know what... in the current setting... in this state of the union... they'd be right. fuck them. my brain is strapped on at all times and it might be the death of me, but god damn it, if thats the case then im ready to die.
///four tet - "Untitled [SAW2 CD1 Track1] (Four Tet remix)" this song has brought me nothing but joy. i came across the four tet remix album in the second lowest pit of my life. it wasnt a shovel. it wasnt water in the desert. it was meaning and reason and design written across the formless mass and black and blue of life's crush. and thats why i still like it. and thats why i still love it.
4/29/10
you know what ive realized?
doing what you love for a living is not really anywhere near as important as making time to do what you love regardless of what your living happens to be.
ive also realized that i will likely never recieve a giant robot for a birthday gift and i will have to build one myself.
ive also realized that i can make this thing look even better with a little more work. well a lot more work, but itll be good work.
ive also realized...
... no thats all. thats it.
i have a very strong urge to weld something. maybe ill build ... no thats a bad idea. i was going to say maybe i should build my own metalurgy thingy... black smithy furnace thing with the anvil and the hammer and the sparks and the bucket of molten metal. but that is definitely a bad idea. the first reason being that i dont have a way to get raw metal. the second reason being that i dont have a way to transport raw metal if i found it. the third reason being that i know nothing about welding.
what else... no thats it. sadly. im busy with book learnin. and book writing. isnt it ever disappointing... like thrillingly upsetting that the people that hold the keys to your future know nothing about you?
well not so much that they know nothing about you as much as they are completely ignorant as to the ramifications of ... well no thats too super villain...
does it ever just punch you in the jaw some nights? knowing that you're holding back because you have to?
i dunno. the prospect of a perpetual caging leaves me with mixed emotions, but then what else is new.
///god lives underwater - "from your mouth" a song that struck me when i was younger that still has a mixture of sounds that rings my guts like metal pipes in a zen garden. it makes me laugh a little bit thinking of my little head in my little hands back then, rocking back in forth on my bed and staring out the shitty bedroom window onto a view of the broken shed/patio roof that always stunk of mold and thinking of how overwhelming the problems seemed then. just a little bit. sometimes it feels so unreal as to become unreal.
ive also realized that i will likely never recieve a giant robot for a birthday gift and i will have to build one myself.
ive also realized that i can make this thing look even better with a little more work. well a lot more work, but itll be good work.
ive also realized...
... no thats all. thats it.
i have a very strong urge to weld something. maybe ill build ... no thats a bad idea. i was going to say maybe i should build my own metalurgy thingy... black smithy furnace thing with the anvil and the hammer and the sparks and the bucket of molten metal. but that is definitely a bad idea. the first reason being that i dont have a way to get raw metal. the second reason being that i dont have a way to transport raw metal if i found it. the third reason being that i know nothing about welding.
what else... no thats it. sadly. im busy with book learnin. and book writing. isnt it ever disappointing... like thrillingly upsetting that the people that hold the keys to your future know nothing about you?
well not so much that they know nothing about you as much as they are completely ignorant as to the ramifications of ... well no thats too super villain...
does it ever just punch you in the jaw some nights? knowing that you're holding back because you have to?
i dunno. the prospect of a perpetual caging leaves me with mixed emotions, but then what else is new.
///god lives underwater - "from your mouth" a song that struck me when i was younger that still has a mixture of sounds that rings my guts like metal pipes in a zen garden. it makes me laugh a little bit thinking of my little head in my little hands back then, rocking back in forth on my bed and staring out the shitty bedroom window onto a view of the broken shed/patio roof that always stunk of mold and thinking of how overwhelming the problems seemed then. just a little bit. sometimes it feels so unreal as to become unreal.
4/22/10
birthday wish #25
in order of cost
1)space ship
2)giant robot
3)race car
4)jet pack
5)my own apartment
6)robot cat
7)regular car
8)regular cat
9)regular dog
10)replica assault rifle
11)dreamcast with a copy of rez
12)aluminum bat
13)bag of golf ball sized rocks
14)case of beer
15)box of smokes
that is all.
///deep dish - "my only sin" very depeche mode esque song. but good in the same way. better even, because you can like it without having to mollify all the character questions that seem to follow an admission of enjoying depeche mode.
1)space ship
2)giant robot
3)race car
4)jet pack
5)my own apartment
6)robot cat
7)regular car
8)regular cat
9)regular dog
10)replica assault rifle
11)dreamcast with a copy of rez
12)aluminum bat
13)bag of golf ball sized rocks
14)case of beer
15)box of smokes
that is all.
///deep dish - "my only sin" very depeche mode esque song. but good in the same way. better even, because you can like it without having to mollify all the character questions that seem to follow an admission of enjoying depeche mode.
4/21/10
no more excuses
alright i am and sick to death of hearing this. you know what im talking about. youve probably heard it before. the age old adage "kids dont come with instructions."
i am sick and fucking tired of hearing it as a rationalization. i, personally, am not going to have kids. i am way too screwed up in the head to raise another human being who is 100% impressionable for up to 18 years. i mean, i can barely get through 24 hours without engaging in something a normal person should probably not be doing. just a few weeks ago i crashed a borrowed bicycle and bent the rim taking unnecessary risks. every example of child rearing i am familiar with has lead up to the mess of loose parts that sometimes function as a unit known as me so how in the world am i supposed to turn around and be able to say okay here's the plan.
aint gonna happen. but, in the meantime, for everyone else who is going to take that step. that magical whimsical leap into the unknown of raising a spitting image who will somehow simultaneously be an individual and will also somehow be friends while also somehow subordinating themself to you. here's the manual.
child rearing manual:
1)do not beat your kids so hard that they miss school.
2)do not beat your kids so hard that when they go to school they have to explain whats wrong with them without mentioning you.
3)do not drill religion into their heads once they are old enough to decide if they want to be religious or not.
4)beyond initial introductions, do not force them into subjects and pursuits that clearly interest only you.
5)do not beat your kids more than once a day.
6)do not beat your kids more than once a year.
7)do not have kids before you're 30.
8)let your kids have friends.
9)let your kids take risks.
10)do not beat your kids for failing.
11)dont pretend to celebrate birthdays.
12)do not give them hallmark cards after beating them.
14)support everything they take it upon themselves to do and reserve judgement. theyll be judged plenty every time they leave the front door.
15)dont abuse your kids ever. mentally. or physically.
thats it. just that simple. or complex. whatever. im not going to make a good dad. thats why im not going to be one. but if you take it upon yourself to sire a brood of your own, dont fuck it up. america is fucked up enough as it is.
and for the love of christ, kids may not come with instructions, but how about people? if you are not old enough to understand the value of treating people how you would want to be treated you are disqualified from having kids. if you will likely set a consistently awful example for children then you are also disqualified. end of story. find some other way to live vicariously. or just focus on living your life to the best of your ability. thats okay too.
///evol intent - "the curtain falls" i originally got turned onto them when i heard the track 5.30 pm while watching adult swim after going on an acucrack binge. as dark DnB goes you might be hard pressed to find an artist more compelling. well lets not go too far. lets say an artist more consistently listenable.
i am sick and fucking tired of hearing it as a rationalization. i, personally, am not going to have kids. i am way too screwed up in the head to raise another human being who is 100% impressionable for up to 18 years. i mean, i can barely get through 24 hours without engaging in something a normal person should probably not be doing. just a few weeks ago i crashed a borrowed bicycle and bent the rim taking unnecessary risks. every example of child rearing i am familiar with has lead up to the mess of loose parts that sometimes function as a unit known as me so how in the world am i supposed to turn around and be able to say okay here's the plan.
aint gonna happen. but, in the meantime, for everyone else who is going to take that step. that magical whimsical leap into the unknown of raising a spitting image who will somehow simultaneously be an individual and will also somehow be friends while also somehow subordinating themself to you. here's the manual.
child rearing manual:
1)do not beat your kids so hard that they miss school.
2)do not beat your kids so hard that when they go to school they have to explain whats wrong with them without mentioning you.
3)do not drill religion into their heads once they are old enough to decide if they want to be religious or not.
4)beyond initial introductions, do not force them into subjects and pursuits that clearly interest only you.
5)do not beat your kids more than once a day.
6)do not beat your kids more than once a year.
7)do not have kids before you're 30.
8)let your kids have friends.
9)let your kids take risks.
10)do not beat your kids for failing.
11)dont pretend to celebrate birthdays.
12)do not give them hallmark cards after beating them.
14)support everything they take it upon themselves to do and reserve judgement. theyll be judged plenty every time they leave the front door.
15)dont abuse your kids ever. mentally. or physically.
thats it. just that simple. or complex. whatever. im not going to make a good dad. thats why im not going to be one. but if you take it upon yourself to sire a brood of your own, dont fuck it up. america is fucked up enough as it is.
and for the love of christ, kids may not come with instructions, but how about people? if you are not old enough to understand the value of treating people how you would want to be treated you are disqualified from having kids. if you will likely set a consistently awful example for children then you are also disqualified. end of story. find some other way to live vicariously. or just focus on living your life to the best of your ability. thats okay too.
///evol intent - "the curtain falls" i originally got turned onto them when i heard the track 5.30 pm while watching adult swim after going on an acucrack binge. as dark DnB goes you might be hard pressed to find an artist more compelling. well lets not go too far. lets say an artist more consistently listenable.
4/19/10
so what now?
this is more or less the new format. why'd it take so long? fuck you. thats why. but seriously... it was hard. lots of going in and tweaking this and that and then previewing/refreshing and seeing what changed.
i worked so hard on it ive had dreams in xhtml css markup for two nights running. can you picture that? i didnt even know it was possible to do that. ive had dreams in spanish when i was taking a 6week crash course in it... but yeah, apparently its possible to dream in xml while simultaneously dreaming in bad spanish. happened yesterday.
it was trippy. stress really does force your brain to ejaculate some pretty awesome chemicals while you're sleeping.
so, in the words of that smart ass from flowers for algernon... "is that it? it is." like the mutherfuckin buddha i have achieved blogger template enlightenment. i can now write my own classic style template or manipulate the new version template with something resembling ease. well easier than you can. is what i am going to continue to tell myself so i feel relevant and valuable to some segment of the population. because i am, thats why.
well, anyway... i hope you like it, cuz ive worked on it so hard that i can't like it. still a lot to fix on here with regard to ... well who cares. when i fix what needs fixing hopefully you'll notice. if not, get bent.
///Beck-"lord only knows" one of the better songs to work to in the small hours of the morning before you remember you were supposed to be in bed 6 hours ago. also a great song to walk home to at 3 am. learn the lyrics. sing the lyrics with a friend on that walk home. you'll be glad you did. or not.
i worked so hard on it ive had dreams in xhtml css markup for two nights running. can you picture that? i didnt even know it was possible to do that. ive had dreams in spanish when i was taking a 6week crash course in it... but yeah, apparently its possible to dream in xml while simultaneously dreaming in bad spanish. happened yesterday.
it was trippy. stress really does force your brain to ejaculate some pretty awesome chemicals while you're sleeping.
so, in the words of that smart ass from flowers for algernon... "is that it? it is." like the mutherfuckin buddha i have achieved blogger template enlightenment. i can now write my own classic style template or manipulate the new version template with something resembling ease. well easier than you can. is what i am going to continue to tell myself so i feel relevant and valuable to some segment of the population. because i am, thats why.
well, anyway... i hope you like it, cuz ive worked on it so hard that i can't like it. still a lot to fix on here with regard to ... well who cares. when i fix what needs fixing hopefully you'll notice. if not, get bent.
///Beck-"lord only knows" one of the better songs to work to in the small hours of the morning before you remember you were supposed to be in bed 6 hours ago. also a great song to walk home to at 3 am. learn the lyrics. sing the lyrics with a friend on that walk home. you'll be glad you did. or not.
4/16/10
finally
finally figured out how to redo the whole shabang. yeah thats right. i said shabang. this is going to be more soothing than suckling catherine zeta jones's teat. or at least more soothing than i imagine that to be. michael douglas would probably want to watch. does she have kids? it might turn into a competition. a struggle for the teat while michael douglas cheers from the grand stands. no, the more i think about it the less soothing that sounds. are they even still together? you know what... i should just go to sleep. whatever questions remain will surely be answered there.
more revisions coming soon.
more revisions coming soon.
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