182 days since i slept on an actual mattress. hmm. i do miss it.
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
4/13/10
exchange clothes
almost done reworking the frontispiece. lets try it out sometime.
182 days since i slept on an actual mattress. hmm. i do miss it.
182 days since i slept on an actual mattress. hmm. i do miss it.
dear (______):
dear aol:
i am going to punch you in the mouth hole until it fills up with tooth parts and bone parts and stops making noises at me.
i am going to punch you in the mouth hole until it fills up with tooth parts and bone parts and stops making noises at me.
4/12/10
this is why everyone at your job hates you
yes. ive narrowed it down:
you're a nagger.
and you're so used to sighs of exasperation that it is now how you actually breath regardless of the situational context.
case in point: you rebuffed me for my kitchen practices. i told you that its a bit ridiculous to do so being that ive been washing other peoples dishes since i could reach a sink and could understand that getting beaten was worse than washing dishes every night. then i told you no one has gotten sick from anything ive done in the kitchen. then i told you i would do it your way anyway, and aside i finished the thought with: since i really have no say in this niggling matter anyway.
you, two days later, come up to me on my way to the kitchen where i spend large chunks of my days making your meals and still washing your dishes say that you spoke to my father about the washing thing and handling meat and he said that i dont know when people have been sick. and he was sick just recently on his day off.
of course you dont understand that PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO EAT METAMUCIL EVERYDAY are probably going to have issues with their shitting. and people WHO DONT EAT VEGETABLES ON A REGULAR BASIS will be prone to getting the shits from all the fats and meat by products and processed meats and sugars and greasy sauces THEY SUCK DOWN CONSTANTLY.
but now in your mind clearly my kitchen practices are to blame and you just wanted to take me aside and tell me that after i already told you i would change how i was doing things to accomodate your concerns.
really now.
and then you expect me to believe that every single day when you come home whining about how everyone at work seems out to get you fired its because that some how your nagging, last-wording, exasper-sighing, mole-hill-mountaining, just-cant-sleep-at-night-knowing-someone-thinks-im-wrong self that haunts the house is somehow different from the person showing up at work?
no. not possible. that is why everyone at your job hates you. you've done it so much you dont even realize your doing it anymore.
no one wants to work with the equivalent of marge simpson crossed with the analytical skills of al bundy and the ego of tim the toolman tailor.
///amon tobin - "big furry head" listening to her talk, i can feel my mind trying to bend itself into understanding what is motivating her to say and do the things she is saying and doing and it bends and bends until it cracks in two and clumps of my brain gush out of the side of my head like wet cotton candy, pureed spam, and chewed gum and then the world spins like a top at the edge of a table before flinging itself down around me.
you're a nagger.
and you're so used to sighs of exasperation that it is now how you actually breath regardless of the situational context.
case in point: you rebuffed me for my kitchen practices. i told you that its a bit ridiculous to do so being that ive been washing other peoples dishes since i could reach a sink and could understand that getting beaten was worse than washing dishes every night. then i told you no one has gotten sick from anything ive done in the kitchen. then i told you i would do it your way anyway, and aside i finished the thought with: since i really have no say in this niggling matter anyway.
you, two days later, come up to me on my way to the kitchen where i spend large chunks of my days making your meals and still washing your dishes say that you spoke to my father about the washing thing and handling meat and he said that i dont know when people have been sick. and he was sick just recently on his day off.
of course you dont understand that PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO EAT METAMUCIL EVERYDAY are probably going to have issues with their shitting. and people WHO DONT EAT VEGETABLES ON A REGULAR BASIS will be prone to getting the shits from all the fats and meat by products and processed meats and sugars and greasy sauces THEY SUCK DOWN CONSTANTLY.
but now in your mind clearly my kitchen practices are to blame and you just wanted to take me aside and tell me that after i already told you i would change how i was doing things to accomodate your concerns.
really now.
and then you expect me to believe that every single day when you come home whining about how everyone at work seems out to get you fired its because that some how your nagging, last-wording, exasper-sighing, mole-hill-mountaining, just-cant-sleep-at-night-knowing-someone-thinks-im-wrong self that haunts the house is somehow different from the person showing up at work?
no. not possible. that is why everyone at your job hates you. you've done it so much you dont even realize your doing it anymore.
no one wants to work with the equivalent of marge simpson crossed with the analytical skills of al bundy and the ego of tim the toolman tailor.
///amon tobin - "big furry head" listening to her talk, i can feel my mind trying to bend itself into understanding what is motivating her to say and do the things she is saying and doing and it bends and bends until it cracks in two and clumps of my brain gush out of the side of my head like wet cotton candy, pureed spam, and chewed gum and then the world spins like a top at the edge of a table before flinging itself down around me.
4/10/10
pic of the night 3
this is what i did yesterday instead of sleep. im not sure im unhappy that i didnt hit the hay.
4/8/10
creative pointers
when it comes to creative pursuits, just as in sports, there are the people who can do it without trying. there are the people who can only do it when someones foot is in their ass to get it done... ...NOW.... and then there are people who have to make at least a semi-conscious effort to produce who also gain no benefit from extreme deadlines. the practicers. or to draw the sports analogy a little tighter... the everyday starters. the guys and girls who dont miss a day, who dont have spectacular highlights every game, but who impress with consistent performance on a day to day basis. the people who you can build a team around.
not that im that guy. i kind of fluctuate between vomiting out work and working consistently. and my consistent work is sometimes consistently good and sometimes consistently bad. i guess im a streaker, more or less. but thats beside the point. speaking of which... heres the point
creative pointers...
i thought about our talk the other day and i think you might be righter. or at least more correct than you were yesterday. which is to say: ill be helpful if i can. if what im about to do counts as helpfulness. i think it does. i feel like it does. it should. well anyway
so im at a point where i know for a fact that im procrastinating. i should be working on a background and general design for the front page of a story blog site i would really like to see materialize as well as do some work on the production company a friend of mine is trying to start up (design wise... we havent even started to consider the legal paperwork and what exactly a production company does when its not tagging its name all over movies). how do i know im procrastinating? easy.... i have all the elements i want to work with... i have the programs installed... i have the web space... aaand for some reason im trying to figure out if i want to take a nap before i get started.
okay.... well that was the worst pointer ever.
was that a pointer?
i dont think i pointed you to anything even remotely useful.
well ... how about this
to rev up motivation for doing one thing it often times helps me to talk about what exactly i am doing even though i know what im doing, but when i get stuck with no one to talk about my poor time management with except myself i get trapped in a loop of thinking ab...
... bored with that. well not bored... but you get the idea. if you get stuck drawing, go paint. if you get stuck painting, go craft something. if you get stuck crafting, go write. if you get stuck writing, go kill yourself. if you get stuck killing yourself, go draw.
and thats my helpful tip. pointer.
and thats my helpful creative pointer.
///Air - "talisman" i dunno if i pointed you this way yet... but this is one of the greatest rainy day songs ever. it swings with a dark jazziness that slides down your consciousness like water down a window pane in light rain while the streets shine and the gutters talk. gorgeously composed and ... thick is the word that comes to mind. thick but not over whelming. you can hear the whole song, whereas some songs are so thick you can only real hear one part or section at a time unless you have like music in your blood or something. anyway. ill tell you what the other one is next time around.
not that im that guy. i kind of fluctuate between vomiting out work and working consistently. and my consistent work is sometimes consistently good and sometimes consistently bad. i guess im a streaker, more or less. but thats beside the point. speaking of which... heres the point
creative pointers...
i thought about our talk the other day and i think you might be righter. or at least more correct than you were yesterday. which is to say: ill be helpful if i can. if what im about to do counts as helpfulness. i think it does. i feel like it does. it should. well anyway
so im at a point where i know for a fact that im procrastinating. i should be working on a background and general design for the front page of a story blog site i would really like to see materialize as well as do some work on the production company a friend of mine is trying to start up (design wise... we havent even started to consider the legal paperwork and what exactly a production company does when its not tagging its name all over movies). how do i know im procrastinating? easy.... i have all the elements i want to work with... i have the programs installed... i have the web space... aaand for some reason im trying to figure out if i want to take a nap before i get started.
okay.... well that was the worst pointer ever.
was that a pointer?
i dont think i pointed you to anything even remotely useful.
well ... how about this
to rev up motivation for doing one thing it often times helps me to talk about what exactly i am doing even though i know what im doing, but when i get stuck with no one to talk about my poor time management with except myself i get trapped in a loop of thinking ab...
... bored with that. well not bored... but you get the idea. if you get stuck drawing, go paint. if you get stuck painting, go craft something. if you get stuck crafting, go write. if you get stuck writing, go kill yourself. if you get stuck killing yourself, go draw.
and thats my helpful tip. pointer.
and thats my helpful creative pointer.
///Air - "talisman" i dunno if i pointed you this way yet... but this is one of the greatest rainy day songs ever. it swings with a dark jazziness that slides down your consciousness like water down a window pane in light rain while the streets shine and the gutters talk. gorgeously composed and ... thick is the word that comes to mind. thick but not over whelming. you can hear the whole song, whereas some songs are so thick you can only real hear one part or section at a time unless you have like music in your blood or something. anyway. ill tell you what the other one is next time around.
4/7/10
pic of the night 2
look what i composed! see i have other skills for stuff and things. yeah i made it. totally, right? i thought it was neat too. well no, not totally from scratch. but definitely a lot different from the original. like totally different. like "it is now my property" different.
who's that lady
that lovely lady
who's that lady
that lovely lady
4/5/10
collected thoughts
ah, ive done it. collected it into a saucer and sipped at it and dissected the taste and synthesized it again into something even more it than it was.
i know why i dont like them. well not even that i dont like them, but why i must refuse to acknowledge them as connected to me in any positive way. ready?
there is no amount of support, no level of compliment, no amount of money, no measurable magnitude of niceness, no increment of politeness, there is nothing any of them can do as long as i am alive that will ever erase what has been done. and because i live with it incorporated into various parts of my heart, soul, mind, and person (as things heal and scar like an arm you can no longer fully extend because of torn cartilage decades ago) there is literally no forgetting. not to say my life is equally endangered as someone with a life threatening physical ailment, but mentally and emotionally its like a virus or cancer, the elimination of which could only be achieved by destroying vital and healthy tissues. and thats why it upsets me. thats why i cant seem to go a month or sometimes a week without having to exert massive energy to hold myself together.
i look forward to old age, when things inside my head start to collapse and wings of the mental archive are buried in the rubble of time. chemicals are like bad white out at best and a blinded surgeon with a two inch scalpel at worst and they only reach but so far. time's reach is unlimited. time swallows everything. i hope time cures me before im in my grave so i can enjoy 100% of the wonder of being alive.
///yoko kanno - "fish ~ silent cruise" such a sweet beginning. beautiful really. beautiful in the way a storm gathers itself before a warm front so slowly for its scale, reaching up and up into the rafters, before sweeping down onto hot concrete and starved fields. beautiful i guess as a blizzard that forgets itself from time to time. i dont know what my dad wanted to achieve, but he has successfully created a person who hates him with every fiber left at his command. a person who may kill him someday. its a beautiful song.
i know why i dont like them. well not even that i dont like them, but why i must refuse to acknowledge them as connected to me in any positive way. ready?
there is no amount of support, no level of compliment, no amount of money, no measurable magnitude of niceness, no increment of politeness, there is nothing any of them can do as long as i am alive that will ever erase what has been done. and because i live with it incorporated into various parts of my heart, soul, mind, and person (as things heal and scar like an arm you can no longer fully extend because of torn cartilage decades ago) there is literally no forgetting. not to say my life is equally endangered as someone with a life threatening physical ailment, but mentally and emotionally its like a virus or cancer, the elimination of which could only be achieved by destroying vital and healthy tissues. and thats why it upsets me. thats why i cant seem to go a month or sometimes a week without having to exert massive energy to hold myself together.
i look forward to old age, when things inside my head start to collapse and wings of the mental archive are buried in the rubble of time. chemicals are like bad white out at best and a blinded surgeon with a two inch scalpel at worst and they only reach but so far. time's reach is unlimited. time swallows everything. i hope time cures me before im in my grave so i can enjoy 100% of the wonder of being alive.
///yoko kanno - "fish ~ silent cruise" such a sweet beginning. beautiful really. beautiful in the way a storm gathers itself before a warm front so slowly for its scale, reaching up and up into the rafters, before sweeping down onto hot concrete and starved fields. beautiful i guess as a blizzard that forgets itself from time to time. i dont know what my dad wanted to achieve, but he has successfully created a person who hates him with every fiber left at his command. a person who may kill him someday. its a beautiful song.
yeah that flag
yeah that flag...
that one in the previous post...
that one you didnt see cuz you are just joining our program now...
that one in that post just before this one that you havent looked at yet...
that was the picture of the day yesterday.
///yoko kanno - "3.14" a small voice sometimes reminds me that there are beautiful things in this world that are also real.
that one in the previous post...
that one you didnt see cuz you are just joining our program now...
that one in that post just before this one that you havent looked at yet...
that was the picture of the day yesterday.
///yoko kanno - "3.14" a small voice sometimes reminds me that there are beautiful things in this world that are also real.
4/3/10
useful information and the other chris davis
so we all like useful information. are we in agreement? sure we are. so maybe i should make an effort to post useful information. maybe. maybe. thinking about it. considering it. useful information to me? or you? to us? to us!
no i dont think so. well maybe. its tempting. i could put ads on it and stuff to links of things that are useful. but when you think about it people are simply obsessed with useful things. like really super useful ultra niche things. pointlessly useful things, like a shoe horn on a stick. or... hmmm.
heres some useful information... or not.... its hard to think. my wonderful neighbors are having some sort of reunion or gathering and they parked their buicks and dodge chargers, 20 inch crome rims and all, in everyone elses driveways and theyre smoking black and milds and blasting gospel music and generally driving me insane. i hate south bowie. its times like these i wish i was 10 people.
but if you had the power to divide yourself into 10 people and then sent them off to do 10 different things then you could have the potential to feel an infinite mix of emotions at any given moment. if one person could feel mixed emotions about anything it must then be like feeling nothing to feel an infinite mix of emotions. like mixing a bunch of colors of paint together ... eventually it always makes black. so i guess being the core of a collective mind is like being the most level headed person ever... but then if things settle down it would become like one or several of many mental disorders. speculation is sometimes not useful. maybe this is one of those times.
useful information is good. entertainment is better? maybe. a blog full of speculation is better for me. and useful. useful information is good for you, but not here. well maybe once in a while. maybe not. im on the fence.
suuuuck it belgium. maybe. yeah. suck it belgium.
in other news... i found another christopher davis with a blog about optimism and self starting and other strange things. in short its another business man trying to spread his businessmanly old guy wisdom by way of shitty plugs to things he didnt create. i guess thats why i hate the idea of useful information. im just not going to fill my pages with "useful information" you would find elsewhere anyway. im not going to be a middle man for your bullshit. i have my own bullshit to peddle thank you very much. and you can suuuuck it too chris davis on other blog. suuuck a fat ... hmmm whats something original that hasnt been said before.... suuuuck a fat stick of old spice, prick!!! then go blog about how smelling good makes for better business deals or something. i mean come the fuck on.... slivers of goodness? thats what you call it? slivers of razors blades in my wrists. rage. but not enough rage to actually... well maybe. we'll just have to wait and see.
///aphex twin - "next heap with" get some of that peace in your brain before you do something crazy like sick german shepards on people while beating them with batons and hoses cuz it doesnt matter how many of you there are god damn it, this is a quiet nieghborhood and you cant just park where ever the hell you want to in the middle of the day when people are coming and going from their personal business that does not involve asking you to move your god damn car while you stand in a row with your arms crossed trying to intimidate strangers. kthnx.
no i dont think so. well maybe. its tempting. i could put ads on it and stuff to links of things that are useful. but when you think about it people are simply obsessed with useful things. like really super useful ultra niche things. pointlessly useful things, like a shoe horn on a stick. or... hmmm.
heres some useful information... or not.... its hard to think. my wonderful neighbors are having some sort of reunion or gathering and they parked their buicks and dodge chargers, 20 inch crome rims and all, in everyone elses driveways and theyre smoking black and milds and blasting gospel music and generally driving me insane. i hate south bowie. its times like these i wish i was 10 people.
but if you had the power to divide yourself into 10 people and then sent them off to do 10 different things then you could have the potential to feel an infinite mix of emotions at any given moment. if one person could feel mixed emotions about anything it must then be like feeling nothing to feel an infinite mix of emotions. like mixing a bunch of colors of paint together ... eventually it always makes black. so i guess being the core of a collective mind is like being the most level headed person ever... but then if things settle down it would become like one or several of many mental disorders. speculation is sometimes not useful. maybe this is one of those times.
useful information is good. entertainment is better? maybe. a blog full of speculation is better for me. and useful. useful information is good for you, but not here. well maybe once in a while. maybe not. im on the fence.
suuuuck it belgium. maybe. yeah. suck it belgium.
in other news... i found another christopher davis with a blog about optimism and self starting and other strange things. in short its another business man trying to spread his businessmanly old guy wisdom by way of shitty plugs to things he didnt create. i guess thats why i hate the idea of useful information. im just not going to fill my pages with "useful information" you would find elsewhere anyway. im not going to be a middle man for your bullshit. i have my own bullshit to peddle thank you very much. and you can suuuuck it too chris davis on other blog. suuuck a fat ... hmmm whats something original that hasnt been said before.... suuuuck a fat stick of old spice, prick!!! then go blog about how smelling good makes for better business deals or something. i mean come the fuck on.... slivers of goodness? thats what you call it? slivers of razors blades in my wrists. rage. but not enough rage to actually... well maybe. we'll just have to wait and see.
///aphex twin - "next heap with" get some of that peace in your brain before you do something crazy like sick german shepards on people while beating them with batons and hoses cuz it doesnt matter how many of you there are god damn it, this is a quiet nieghborhood and you cant just park where ever the hell you want to in the middle of the day when people are coming and going from their personal business that does not involve asking you to move your god damn car while you stand in a row with your arms crossed trying to intimidate strangers. kthnx.
4/2/10
pic of the night
delicious refreshing crack
futurama season 1 episode 7
little neptune: "the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients - among other things..."
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