AUTHOR.CALHO: If I didn't write it, I would be hitch hiking cross country to Maine and then Alaska in that order. While taking frequent breaks to spread leaflets. And sit in diners. And write on things because I wasn't at a computer. I may still do that in a few years. Writing this also helps me forget about and better understand the limitations of being human, and keeps me busy enough to allow me no free time to burn the world down.

THEMATIC.ABOUT : Collapse often. The things that hold people together and hold them apart and scatter brains. The things that make thoughts go boom. The things that ooh and aah and [expletive deleted]. Sometimes poking around the margins where responsibility ends and the only one to look to is the Original Equipment Manufacturer and say "but, I already pressed 9 for more options and the menus are exactly the same. Can you just replace it?" The answer will be: "please hold." Sometimes hanging out in dark corners. Sometimes following the train tracks. Looking for ways out and ways in and all the while sharing the things seen and heard and done and drawn and written and scorched and healed and teased and caged and dreamed along the way.

11/9/17

Dear (_____)

Dear cigarettes,

You got me again.  Another pack gone with nothing to show for it but discolored phlegm, chest pain, and a hole in my wallet where $10 used to be.  Fuck you.  I'm not going to quit quitting.  I know that you never really do finish quitting and that every week you can say no is maybe another day you might get to live when everything starts shutting down and the soul waves a finger "alright, let's wrap this thing up!"  I know childhood trauma already ate decades off the end of my life.  I know my line of work, my station in society, my genetic make up, and just day to day survival stress shaves years off what's left.  If I can avoid it, I'd like to not suffocate inside my own body.  I'd like to die doing something much more interesting.  So I'm not going to quit quitting just because I feel like absolute shit and burned more of my life away.  You'll come knocking again.  I'll turn up the radio and go sit in another room.  The porch light may be on, but don't wait up for someone to come to the door.

Later 'gator.
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