Sequencer

It's been a very long time.  I have no apologies (I do).  The growing distance was daunting and becoming a thing alive all it's own.  Retreating crash zoom, but we're safe again.  Contained.  Able to love and much more importantly to pick up threads of circuits and lay them new against the board and chips that have melted, over heated beyond recovery, and reached the end of their service lives and that's good.  It's a beautiful thing to open the panel and watch sunlight dazzle every which way against the gold and green and know every thing, multicolored, bent, pinched, blackened, and water seized can go directly to the heap for recycling or trash.

What kept me?  What kept you!  We've been here forever.  If you didn't want me to slam reverse for ten feet and then floor it while you sped ahead to the first hairpin, you shouldn't have said the first one to cross the finish line wins.  You could've mentioned...  ah whatever, it's a joke, but I'm not funny.

Control is not my strong point, but I try to make it a stronger point and that's something.  I'm beginning to understand anew that I will never reach a point where we all agree on anything on a consistent basis.  I'm not okay with that.  Are you?

I saw him again today.  I am not happy about it.  I have to be more careful.  I think I may have slipped up before and mentioned him by name to a friend again after I told him it would never happen again.  He was not happy about it.  If I'm not careful we will have to pay for it.  I will be.  Let's kick things forward.  Snap the key off in the ignition.  What are you waiting for?  You creep me out when you stand still.  You look like you're not breathing.  You look like you're drowning and I can't swim, hon'.  I'm sorry.  I should know by now and I don't.  It's not going to be alright.  Can I snap a photo of my face on the water atop your head?  I'll get the angle right so my phone is not visible and it'll be me with Thursday's overcast over my shoulder.  I'll make it look good this time around.  Not like the first time you made my skin crawl away from my ribs like a window shade when I had to touch your face to be sure you were still there and not a fried up bit of my retina.

Let's enter the sequencer.  Let's wind it up.  If not now, when?  Forget the God damned mission for a minute.  Never forget, but do not let it overwhelm you.  These are very key pieces.  These are very important stages in construction and becoming and missteps will cost, but not more than ghost steps.  Engage the sequencer and do not fear yourself.  Fear is the mind killer and aboard a destroyer as capable as yours, fear cannot be afforded safe passage.






///El-P - "A Christmas Fucking Miracle"   they can never take away what you were born with