AUTHOR.CALHO: If I didn't write it, I would be hitch hiking cross country to Maine and then Alaska in that order. While taking frequent breaks to spread leaflets. And sit in diners. And write on things because I wasn't at a computer. I may still do that in a few years. Writing this also helps me forget about and better understand the limitations of being human, and keeps me busy enough to allow me no free time to burn the world down.

THEMATIC.ABOUT : Collapse often. The things that hold people together and hold them apart and scatter brains. The things that make thoughts go boom. The things that ooh and aah and [expletive deleted]. Sometimes poking around the margins where responsibility ends and the only one to look to is the Original Equipment Manufacturer and say "but, I already pressed 9 for more options and the menus are exactly the same. Can you just replace it?" The answer will be: "please hold." Sometimes hanging out in dark corners. Sometimes following the train tracks. Looking for ways out and ways in and all the while sharing the things seen and heard and done and drawn and written and scorched and healed and teased and caged and dreamed along the way.

8/4/10

Golfcart Flamingo Logo

=_= very tired. The state of perpetual collapse that plagues my absolutely fucking retarded family life had me so angry and out of sorts I literally could not function and then the wonderful flip side of that situation was that I've been erased by someone I thought was a best friend (more about that later) so I had the unique pleasure of getting fucked from every direction at once. So its back on the smokes, collar up, stiff upper lip, and into that fucking wind.

This is what I managed to accomplish in a few hours of dedicated work when the bewilderment calmed down.



Three more to go. Dear god, if you're out there... please don't shit on me again today. I like getting work done. You aren't helping so just stay the fuck out of my way, okay? Thanks.

///El-P - "The League of Extraordinary Nobodies" '...and we haven't even gotten to the part where it's a joke..."

7/30/10

dear (______):

Dear State Farm Insurance Co:

STFU. I don't care how approachable dimples mcsquints pretends to be. I fucking hate him. Mainly because he is a sad mash up of every possible race on Earth. Also because NO ONE WALKS AROUND RANDOMLY TALKING ABOUT INSURANCE. Worst campaign ever.

Hate you.

7/27/10

You've Got To Get Mad

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's no one anywhere that seems to know what to do with us."



Click here to play in new window if video does not play in embedded player.

The first time I heard this monologue was as the lead in to a track by Evol Intent. It's very stirring. In fact the monologue, to me, was so much more intense and meaningful than the token gesturing of the lyrics that followed I wished that, instead of lyrics, they simply allowed more of the monologue to play. The music track is below, synced (not by me) to the visuals. You might have to click through and view it directly on the youtube website if it doesn't play here.



Click thru

Sometimes seeing and hearing things like these and knowing what my own vision is for music and film, I long for a chance to go back in time and make myself put down the calculators and math books and just do the things that came naturally. I wish I could manipulate music and art well enough to create animated films or produce albums or write music. I'm sure I will at some point, but a head start would have been nice.

At any rate, hearing the monologue was so stirring in part because I feel like I am definitely in agreement. I don't think the people being gutted and ground up and swallowed and shat out into darkness in this country need to write to congress or go to sit ins or vote for people that will represent them for five minutes before succumbing (of no fault of their own) to the massive under currents of commercial/industrial pocket padding politics. If people being shafted by the education system would simply express their disappointment, their anger, at being farmed, and express it with a sustained voice and intensity there would be a positive response. Same for people getting shafted in the work place or anywhere else.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but so many things really need so much more than a drop of oil. The problem is that people are so content to get their drop of oil, their quick pay off, and then they forget that their problem hasn't been solved. Their problem hasn't even begun to be addressed, but staying angry takes so much effort and why stay angry when you can take your hand job to the bank and buy yourself a big tv and fall asleep again until your conditions become unbearable or swallows another member of your family or short changes you once more.

You've got to get mad, and you've got to be willing and committed enough to stay mad, and that's why I love that song, but I love the monologue even more.

///Amon Tobin - "Verbal (Topo Gigio Remix)" The original song, featuring MC Decimal was good, but this version takes that song and makes it an anytime anywhere "listen to it twice in a row 'cause once is never enough" kind of song. The way the bass comes up and swings and swims around your ears you almost feel like you're lying in a river as wide as lake Ontario heading for a waterfall that crashes against rocks so loudly you can't hear it.

7/26/10

Forever and a Day and Bits and Inception

I feel like I've been away from you forever, but this guy has been hard at work producing results through A/B php learning. Well, I made up the part about A/B learning. It wasn't even a nerd joke. I don't know enough about A/B testing to make a joke about it, let alone a joke that stretches its meaning to other boundaries. Why am I even wasting time discussing that? Next song!

So I've learned a lot of php. Not the core packaged functions (I assume there are some basic functions that deal with arrays and maths and sciences and religions like in js), but mostly learning how to construct and pass information, which I can then apply to whatever codex's are available for php projects. All of that is basically a very long winded way of saying I can now manipulate wordpress as a content management system and a blog hosting system, kind of the same way I can manipulate blogger templates.

I took a long ass time to figure it out mainly because I never did it with more than filling out test questions and completing bullshit exercises in mind, but taking the plunge and doing it from the ground up taught me the ins and outs pretty thoroughly as I hoped it would.

What to show for it?

This to show for it: Bits for Flames . A fine skeletal specimen. I don't know why they call frameworks skeletons. It's more of a nude. Well not even that. I'd call it a unpolished nerd waiting for mtv of the early 90s to come along and... not sure what exactly.

And now we move on to the graphics... the part I've been waiting for. Hah, waiting on myself to get to, now that's frustrating: when you are the only person standing in your way.

Picture time:



So the good news is I'll have more time freed up to work on writing. The bad news is the immediate future will be consumed with editing and uploading the story content to Bits. The better news is that once that is done I'm gonna be back on OEM digesting my life and documenting my failings with new verve. Verve is also a word that gets under utilized. So jam it into a sentence tomorrow if you get a chance. Throw in a fist pump too. Or finger guns.

And by the way, Money Never Sleeps looks like its going to be good. Plus I'll tell you if Inception was good or not. You've already seen it, I know, but I'm still going to tell you what you should think, because I can't tell myself what to think. No, that doesn't sound right. What I'm trying to say is: as someone with a checkered mental past, I'll give you my take on a movie about a checkered mental present. That's better.

Since retro movie posters are all the rage, I'll make an Inception themed retro poster. I sort of want to get in on it, but at the same time I feel like it's becoming one of those things thats already exhausted itself. The problem with the internet is that it takes forever to digest the sheer amount of "stuff" out there and at the same time once you find the stuff worth seeing or of interest to you, you're already too late to participate meaningfully because 80% of the internet is populated by critics and 20% by doers. 80/20 comes to bite me in the ass again.

I'm pretty far from my starting point. I'm gonna shut up now and get back to it so we can talk later about something more fun and interesting and depthy. If Anne Coulter ever comes to my front door and says anything even remotely derogatory I'm going to break his nose. For the record. The late nights just keep on rolling.

///Mum - "Sunday Night Just Keeps On Rolling" riding your bike through the night on empty streets with a burly Atlantic breeze beating across the back of your neck and the click of manhole covers beneath your wheels and the u-lock bouncing off the aluminum frame and the bike chain spooling around the drive gear and buzzing through your derailleur all come together and conspire in the orange street lights under pollution lit clouds to sound like this song. Minus the little kid at the end of the youtube video. I hate kids. They get into everything.

7/23/10

dear (______):

Dear Anne Hathaway:

Your eyes are just too damn big. I can't really concentrate on anything else when you're on screen. It's not a good thing.

Sorry.

Sorry-ish.

It's nothing personal.

7/21/10

"Weed Is For Slackers..."

...a good friend of mine once said a long time ago. I wasn't arguing. I think the fist she drove into her open palm for good emphasis was directed mainly at the "across the hall" neighbor (who ended up working for Microsoft somehow) and their fragrant escapades.

Not that you would ever doubt me (or that I would ever doubt myself... EVER...) this is where Bits is at right now. I have not been slacking:



I'm ironing out the php and creating page templates from scritcha scratch so that they do exactly what I want them to, every single time I ask them to. It makes it a little bit easier since I plan on doing all of the graphics for it, but also it'll be a nice thing to put on my resume when it's done. The wealth of knowledge I'm gaining from this project is enormous. At first it was like trying to bite into an uncut watermelon straight off of the vine, but through ceaselessly kicking that mother fucker I've broken it up into pieces that sort of fit in my mouth (or at least fit in my hands comfortably enough to chuck them at the birds outside my window when I get really frustrated, which is almost as satisfying, but I digress).

I now know more about sql, php, js, and web hosting than I ever thought I would. The best thing about it is that sitting down at my terminal feels less like walking up to the black mouth of a cave belonging to an agitated dragon, and feels much more like going to visit a somewhat grumpy uncle. I guess I'm trying to say that the thing has finally become doable. I can look at the code and csv and the tables and css and I can see what they're doing between the lines.

It's like if Tony Montana did so much coke that he finally became permanently wired and no longer needed coke to become super Tony. Or like Peter Pan smoking so much pixie dust that... I'm not really sure if this is making sense anymore. I've been up way too late.

Onward to the morning star. Well I wanted to do a drawing for you. It was going to be a self portrait. Then I wanted to make a teddy bear face. In the end this is what came out of my head. I'm not happy with it. But more than unhappiness, I don't want to have nothing to show for the past hour of my life, sorry in advance:



Hopefully next efforts will turn out better in that department.

///The Orb - "Vuja De" "It's the way that you hold me."

7/19/10

Post-Meta-Psuedo Garbage Nonsense

Nearly a year and a half after the fact, I think I finally understand it. A while back, I flew into an absolute rage over an interpretive classroom discussion about Paul Auster's novel City of Glass and how everyone was going on and on about post-modern this and post-modern that and how the book was a post post-modern deconstruction of post-modernism. Then began the talk of the meta-text and the meta-narrator and, for all I care, the twice baked potato and the refried bean. For me, the entire thing hit a boiling point of ridiculousness that has irritated me to this day.

The main thing that absolutely grated me was the lack of creative thought going into the delineation of what is clearly one period of literary construction shifting into a new period of construction. Is the next period going to be meta-post-post-modernism? I feel like a huge part of what is confining the ability to meaningfully describe and analyze literary constructions is that the people who are doing it are being grown into a more and more strictly controlled framework of knowledge. Unfortunately as the tags used to describe the framework are simplified from exacting coordinates into smears of qualitative judgments they become strung together into descriptors for increasingly complex scenarios of literary construction and then you end up with a cloud of tags instead of analysis of an authors's work. And then, peering into the tag cloud and seeing that it is full of largely meaningless word associations in the context of describing what, in this case, Paul Auster's novel does, frustration takes root (at least it did for me).

But also, I think, even more than that, language is becoming more and more compartmentalized so that every single individual scrap of information is developing its own term. Its the opposite of 1984 and Newspeak. I guess as the body of discourse grows, it becomes inevitable that the words and terms and phrases needed to navigate it will grow in complexity and number, but when does that turn into picking tags out of a hat and saying: okay, that's that. That's what it is and it's no longer up for discussion.

That's necessary to an extent because otherwise the body of literary production would quickly out grow the ability to describe its functions, but I suppose my major concern back then was the arbitrary nature of the tagging. The descriptive term seemed to be affixed simply because it wasn't anything else entirely, so clearly it must be post. Which is okay in some respects, but once the thing that was like nothing else began to be emulated how can they also be post-*? They can't be post if they are happening now and in the same vein of the thing like no other thing before it, but like many things after it.

To the point though, I finally understand it. The tagging is not necessarily an effort to describe the thing it is affixed to, as it is an effort to DATE and LOCATE the thing and establish it's relative relationship to the other things surrounding and drawing from and contributing to it. And that's why calling something post-* meta-* and "whatever else describes a relationship of one thing to another"-* is important. The volume of things being produced and the ever increasing pace of new voices and shared information and production is why they are largely meaningless as explicit descriptors beyond the simplicity of "this came after that, but before the other thing." Their use and over use is more a symptom of growth and discussion than it is an indication of a lack of questioning contributors or thoughtful contributors more interested in the material being analyzed than sounding vague chic.

When you get into a group discussion about these things, over simplifications happen and thats when the relational tags begin to be characterized by their interpretive content instead of their connective tissue and you run into things like "that's what it is and that is that", where the things identity is really a matter of opinion and not a matter of course. With relational things it's a matter of perspective. Am I looking north or am I facing south, am I upwind or downwind or in another state altogether. When questions start to point to things like what does it smell and taste like, what does it do, what does it make, what is the sum of its pieces, relational orientations (and by extension the tag system) isn't much help, but is easily misappropriated and taken to task on issues and ideas it might've been meant to solve at its start, but issues and ideas it is hard pressed to positively impact now.

I hope I put my revelation into some meaningful sentences. At least now I know why I was so angry and disappointed almost a year ago. Sometimes it takes a while to see the value in what you would flush away as a token gesture. Sometimes there really is no value and it's a virtual artifact that's simply comfortable to the touch, but once in a while as you turn it over in your hand it becomes clear, at least to you, why it's still circulating from one hand to another.



So Paul Auster, I apologize. You're not a hack. You just filled the plate with more food than people could digest and some of them threw up. You're not around to clean it up, and you shouldn't have to. Governing an audiences reception and analysis of what you do is about as realistic as driving a car by standing on its roof rack and pointing your fingers. The best any of us can do is to let them drive where they may and, if it get's interesting, hold on for the ride.

///Talvin Singh - "Light" Bubbly, but smooth, like a mimosa. Pleasant and unobtrusive and better than that track on Classical Thunder your mom sent you in the hopes that it would somehow feed your brain with genius. Turns out the jewel case made an okay mouse pad once it got good and scuffed from performing coaster duty. Put away the mail order meditation music. Pick up some Singh and enjoy your working, hopefully fizzed, lunch break.

7/18/10

You Know That Feeling You Get...

When you are so frustrated that your throat swells up and it's difficult to swallow and you're not going to cry (because only pansies cry), but your eyes well up because you've been straining and leaning closer and closer to your computer screen in a subconscious effort to physically jam the information you cannot for the life of you understand directly into your fatty brain matter by absolute force of will?

///Nine Inch Nails - "Hyperpower!" That feeling is where I'm at right now in trying to comprehend php as it relates to Wordpress. The wall is going to come down soon. I can almost feel it breaking over my face and making sense like a field of star points arrayed before a navigator.

dear (______):

Dear news media:

The Mel Gibson I knew growing up and being too young to watch Lethal Weapon, but watching it on brand new VHS tape anyway, was the kind of person who would chase you to the top floor of a high rise, empty a .45 into your chest, throw the empty gun at your face, rush across the room and form tackle you through a plate glass window, and then strangle you to death in mid air before you hit the ground. I don't think any less of him because it turns out he really is that fucking crazy outside of film. I mean, I can't be the only one who remember's how ridiculously hardcore the first two lethal weapon movies were?

7/16/10

Width = 400 Pixels

And not a pixel more. I went back through the posts and fixed every single picture posted since I started including pixelgraphs. What this means for you? This means that if you read this in a feed you wont have an image stretched wider than a limo wrapped around a redwood tree, that's what it means for you. Basically a good thing. If, however, the limo were occupied by one of probably millions of millionaire brats it would not be a good thing- it would be a fantastic thing.

Also, from now on, and whenever possible, there will be included a link to referenced song as featured on youtube. Not always possible, but possible often enough that there really is no reason I shouldn't pack that candy in the bag.

///Bowery Electric - "Freedom Fighter" I'm not sure if I'm trying to reach the human in you or if I'm looking for the lesser in us all, but either way, less malcontent at presentation helps the needles go in smooth. I know you don't care all that much, but I'll go into the css and make a blanket fix so that I, you, us will not have to worry about mistimed ignitions of pixelgraphs in the future. Sorry for that slippage, I couldn't help it. Well I could, but I didn't want to. Rest assured the fix is in from here on out and there will be no more pixelgraphic behavioral anomalies.