Universal Bodies

I had this thought today while running off to make lunch before 6 P.M. rolled around. It was kind of an irrational thought, so rationale being what it is and people being who they are, I had to go back over it and rationalize it or at least understand why my first compunction was this "wait, what a minute" moment.

Beginning, I thought that I had to figure out why making lunch before six was such a big deal. My own busted food schedule aside, I figure it would probably help the rest of my body organize itself if I did adhere more closely to a strict three ring circus of various food stuffs and the thought of organizing that part of myself lead me to lean toward thinking that further organization would probably bleed from that, through my mouth and then back out of my mouth again into positive work gains. Too technical. Losing interest. Start over.

What struck me was (without all the junk that lead up to it) that the spacing of meals is pretty much universally accepted. You eat when you wake up because you haven't eaten while you were sleeping. You eat around the middle of your day because you've been doing stuff and were probably too busy to cut something up, jam a stick from it's gullet to it's anus and throw it over a spit, or gather something, or you haven't eaten since you got up because it's taken you all day to find and kill enough somethings to skewer, fill a basket (and your tummy), or snag in a net of some sort. Then you eat again before you go to sleep because after you ate earlier you had to do other things that made you tired and things that make you tired also tend to make you hungry and you don't want to be kept awake by the sound of your stomach digesting itself.

So by and large everybody eats a few times a day because when you're not an animal with a stomach that can digest anything (fresh, rotten, bones, pure cellulose, tree bark, whatever) it takes energy to pick and choose and being able to pick and choose and possessing delicate (by comparison) faculties also means you have to spend the time and energy to do so and protect your fragile microcosm. It's easy to understand.

In rushing to make lunch I realized that it doesn't matter what you call it or why. Your body knows what's up. You can cram food into your face at 7 P.M. if you want, but your body knows that what it's eating should actually be dinner and will be processed as such. Your mind can convince you that you should eat again before you go to bed, but depending on what you ate you probably shouldn't and your body knows that. You can make breakfast at dinner time, but it's still, in principle, dinner, no matter what you want to call it. Granted it is all bound by your sleep cycle, so if you sleep for ten hours whatever you eat in the three equidistant spaces of the next fourteen hours will be breakfast lunch and dinner. And that's important. So I guess it wasn't as horribly irrational as I originally thought. If I missed the lunch window I would be feeding myself an extremely early dinner and would run the risk of having to eat again before bed and wake up not hungry enough to eat breakfast and basically start on the slippery slope of a digestive apocalypse. Gastrocalypse, I call it.

Then I started thinking about how simple it is to understand something as universal as why and when people eat and it really got my goat that people can understand the need to put food in their mouths, but they can't understand something else as equally simple and universal as basic human rights. Or maybe human rights are not as simple as eating. Oh wait they are. If you deprive someone of food, you should be able to understand what that deprivation does to you and by extension what it likely does to another object of similar mechanical and chemical make up and necessities even if you don't count that object as a person. I mean if kicking a dog with the wrong part of your foot hurts your foot a little, you should be able to assume that a dog, made out of similar material as you, probably felt it too. Not that I would ever kick a dog. I love dogs. Slightly more than people sometimes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's baffling the body of things that are universally understood and the body of things that are still, however many generations and iterations of human beings later, up for debate and challenged and I don't think that my own work will help to make those things that should be universally understood about the collective human organism and illustrated and painted and constructed about it will help to further clarify or cement those universals. My body of work to date is teeny tiny, though larger than it's ever been, and if I want to help (and I do, just a little) I have to not die yet. I'm in the first few thousand hours of work toward mastery well enough to make clear every attempt at expression and the induction of clarity and there's still work to be done if people are going to eat three meals a day with any kind of universality.

Slightly selfishly, if I were to die, I feel like I would be ashamed of my body of work. I feel today like I've only begun to fill a thimble and I need several buckets if I'm ever going to put out the fire inside me, let alone across the borders and city limits of my body's ends.

///Susumu Hirasawa - "Condition Boy" ...delusions of an alternate and terribly grand universe are

get sorted

Well, I'm lost. I realized it today. Well actually I realized it yesterday when I went to bed at 5:30 in the morning. That was a pretty good indicator that I'm not really driving in any particular direction with any sort of conviction. On the other hand, it could be an indication that I'm driving in every direction with complete conviction. Either way the sum of detectable movement is a big fat zero.

Qualifier: it is a happy zero. I haven't accomplished nothing in my efforts to accomplish everything. I simply haven't produced anything measurable by fiscal standards, and who's really keeping track of that? Everyone, you say? Well I don't care all that much. Like Lady GaGa apparently said (I heard from a friend of a friend who read something who was told about the thing to read by a friend's friend) money is boring. The only reason why I want to make money is so that I can pay for things that will free me up to do other things. If food and housing were free, the only jobs I would do were the jobs I wanted to do and I wouldn't have to worry about getting paid because the jobs that I actually want to do are jobs that I would literally do for free. Seeing someone enjoy the product of your labor should, and for me actually is, so enjoyable that I rarely do the things I enjoy for money unless its necessary.

To get back to the point, I've been using my pen tablet to make things like this:



I'm not completely sure why. I used to doodle a lot in high school instead of learning stoichiometry and trigonometry. I suppose if I paid more attention I would be getting home from a 60,000 dollar job after doodling equations instead of sitting at home making pictures. I'm not sure I would make a trade though. I mean obviously it would be nice to have a pay check and a car and an apartment, but I'm not dead, I'm not homeless, and I'm not being starved at the moment so I suppose it's not all bad. I'd rather be able to dream and create than be able to dream and unable to creatively articulate.

And you know what else? I'll fix those images right now before I go to bed, because if I don't I'm going to end up putting it off until I'm on my death bed telling a priest that my only regret was not fixing the graphics on this page.

///Susumu Hirasawa - "Jouken Douji" If you thought Anime music was composed entirely of campy Japanese pop tunes and you haven't tried anything I've recommended by Kanno or Susumu, today should be the day you listen to a track that is all kinds of funky intricate and sexy. Like "really awesome piece of slick technology" sexy, not "anemic girl with plastic breasts" sexy. The bass line in this track is hotter than a lot of hip hop bass lines and from what I know of production (admittedly very little), I'd say the production value is higher than the norm for Anime music. Susumu Hirasawa delivers complexity in balance with beauty and gets it right more often than not.

for the record, fear, and friends

i was poking my face bones today wondering if the weight ive lost from being starved was showing up in hollow eye sockets or ripped abs (i know right, shits ridiculous, life is awful, and somehow i have to continue laughing because the ridiculousness just continues to grow by leaps and bounds that are unbelievable even as they are coming out of my mouth and mind) and for the record if i ever do have a daughter she's going to have awesome cheekbones.

also "fear is the little death that brings total obliteration." nice quote.

my nerves are shot. i jump when people say hello to me. i jump when my phone rings out loud.

some new friends are coming over. theyre very short friends. well i guess theyre friends.

the thing is i suppose i want everybody to be a friend which, i know, duh, is not possible and is unrealistic and a lot of other things. you know the crest of understanding, that point at which each person can be understood or framed within the context of their experiences relative to your own?, yeah that thing, i think i cant even really begin to understand the future ramifications of everything happening now at the bottom of the well. well not so much understanding but the lacking of the focus of ... uhm... somethings missing there. no, there was something there, but now there is a definite hmm space. black spot. not even but you know hmm well you dont make friends with salad. but i suppose you could theoretically keep friends with salad once they got older and health conscious.



so much changed in two weeks. not even changed as much as grown into worse things, but theyre still the same things. but none of it really for the better. pessimonster lurks. nah but seriously. to even attempt to pursue an optimistic route is like dancing the jitterbug on top of a trench wall in the middle of 1916. yous is asking for trouble.

i used to be scared of a lot of things. nothing scares me anymore. im sure theres still time to learn new fears. but till then the situation is this. fire burns so dont put it in your hand. knives cut so dont stick them up your nose. noise can rupture your ear so dont turn up the music too loud. that kind of stuff. im not afraid of those things. sometimes i cant even convince myself of the why nots beyond making interaction easier. no vacuums. i havent been very useful over the past couple entries. im gonna fix that. im gonna fix you good. real good. heres some bullshit for you. or chicken soup for your cancer. i havent been nice. but the universe started it. im gonna finish it. when i was little my main goal was world annihilation. ive gotten off track. hahahaha. obviously.

my point is though if i ever get to a point where having a kid becomes the right thing to do which it never will that kid is going to have some fucking ridiculously awesome cheekbones cut from a granite cliff face.

thems cliffs mays nots be made from granite to discalamatize. that sentence was stupid. but entertaining to type. so it stays. im a simple guy to please.

///susumu hirasawa - "hawk in my heart, don't take the moon" from the album virtual rabbit. its one of those songs in another language where it doesnt matter if you know the words or not. you know the feeling. if i knew the words the feeling might be completely oppos... well to hell with all of that. it just takes me mentally to the freedom ive yet to enjoy. its the song that would play right when i finally climb to the mouth of the well and over head there are broken clouds and the smell of something besides my own wastes and the dead water and the bricks that have been skinning my knuckles and knees slides across my cheek and i can really genuinely and spontaneously smile. not to be a total downer or anything. lol. thats what im saying. i know it could be worse. but how much worse is honestly approaching a matter of splitting hairs and a couple hundred dollar bills.

oh yeah, i fixed the link situation that hadnt occured to me up till today. now links open in new windows. yay.