Subject : sorry, but not really
Posted Date: : Mar 14, 2006 1:50 PM
alright alright alright... so talking about tossing salad isnt the most pleasing of topics... so instead lets talk about commas.... those curly motherfuckers that lurk within so many sentences and make it difficult if not impossible to read anything coherrently.
well lets not. how about i just acknowledge that licking assholes is okay .001% of the time and leave it at that. don't agree with me? okay. im not going to try to convince you, but the seed is there... germinating.
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
Showing posts with label buttsex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label buttsex. Show all posts
3/9/06
toss your salad for a quarter 03/09/06
Subject : toss your salad for a quarter
Posted Date: : Mar 9, 2006 9:05 PM
No really. I mean what if someone really said that to you, or me for that matter. What kind of a person would you want poking their face around that most intimate of intimate places. Seriously. Some people have no problem showing off their penis or vagina but the minute someone gets around the crap shoot the tenseness sets in and you could probably squeeze a "thigh master" completely shut between their cheeks. I don't think its so much that its a "dirty" thing to do. As long as the last delivery was made at least 4 hours prior and a shower featuring a full scrub down of every orifice was performed, I would be okay with it... since I scrub everyone of my orifices anyway I think I would probably give this mysterious salad tosser the okay to jump right in. But everyone isn't like me.
I think some people just have an intrisic fear of letting someone touch their most unmentionable of unmentionable bodily areas... which is understandable given the vulnerability involved with being naked, facing away from the action, unable to see whats going on, or who is doing what. There's also no way to anticipate that first moment of contact, and then you have to keep in mind the after effects of poop scenting especially if the proper precautions weren't followed. If someone doesn't want to put their lips on someone elses cowabunghole it probably means that don't want to put their lips on lips that have been on a cowabunghole. Even in the refferal to the region of thebody when people say ass they usually mean those lovely fleshly orbular things called buttcheeks.
ah well... at least i can rest in comfort knowing when that 60 year old vixen swoops out of her multi million dollar loft apartment and im hunkered down working at a coffee shop in the same city and she asks me to toss her salad for a quarter (and hopefully a lifetime of wealth from our subsequent relationship/black mailing) ill be able to stand tall and proud and say "would you like that with ranch, spicey italian, or cream sauce dressing?"
Posted Date: : Mar 9, 2006 9:05 PM
No really. I mean what if someone really said that to you, or me for that matter. What kind of a person would you want poking their face around that most intimate of intimate places. Seriously. Some people have no problem showing off their penis or vagina but the minute someone gets around the crap shoot the tenseness sets in and you could probably squeeze a "thigh master" completely shut between their cheeks. I don't think its so much that its a "dirty" thing to do. As long as the last delivery was made at least 4 hours prior and a shower featuring a full scrub down of every orifice was performed, I would be okay with it... since I scrub everyone of my orifices anyway I think I would probably give this mysterious salad tosser the okay to jump right in. But everyone isn't like me.
I think some people just have an intrisic fear of letting someone touch their most unmentionable of unmentionable bodily areas... which is understandable given the vulnerability involved with being naked, facing away from the action, unable to see whats going on, or who is doing what. There's also no way to anticipate that first moment of contact, and then you have to keep in mind the after effects of poop scenting especially if the proper precautions weren't followed. If someone doesn't want to put their lips on someone elses cowabunghole it probably means that don't want to put their lips on lips that have been on a cowabunghole. Even in the refferal to the region of thebody when people say ass they usually mean those lovely fleshly orbular things called buttcheeks.
ah well... at least i can rest in comfort knowing when that 60 year old vixen swoops out of her multi million dollar loft apartment and im hunkered down working at a coffee shop in the same city and she asks me to toss her salad for a quarter (and hopefully a lifetime of wealth from our subsequent relationship/black mailing) ill be able to stand tall and proud and say "would you like that with ranch, spicey italian, or cream sauce dressing?"
12/10/05
sonny chiba will kick you in the face 12/10/05
Subject : sonny chiba will kick you in the face
Posted Date: : Dec 10, 2005 4:52 PM
so the power company informs me that they will discontinue service to my apartment in 72 hours. aint that a larf! in times of getting screwed up the ass like a 10$ dollar hooker by the massive dong of the power company i really wish sonny chiba a.k.a. the street fighter, were my drinking buddy.
why, you ask?
well if sonny chiba were my drinking buddy and i were discussing this whole situation with Duquense Light Co. with him over a couple of brews he would say: "don't worry, pal. I'll take care of everything." And then he would go out the next morning, because sonny chiba never gets hangovers, and kick everyone at Duquense Light in the FACE! and then he and I and chuck norris would all go out to a bar the next night and celebrate our moral victory over big corporations that spit on us little poor people like so many pebbles beneath their boots of tyranny.
why, you ask?
well if sonny chiba were my drinking buddy and i were discussing this whole situation with Duquense Light Co. with him over a couple of brews he would say: "don't worry, pal. I'll take care of everything." And then he would go out the next morning, because sonny chiba never gets hangovers, and kick everyone at Duquense Light in the FACE! and then he and I and chuck norris would all go out to a bar the next night and celebrate our moral victory over big corporations that spit on us little poor people like so many pebbles beneath their boots of tyranny.
11/12/05
to shave or not to shave 11/12/05
Subject : to shave or not to shave the testicle
Posted Date: : Nov 12, 2005 5:04 PM
In training myself up for my future career as a kept man the issue of cleanliness will always come up.
A kept man must ask himself how far he is willing to go to land a spot in that special 54 year old jet setting blonde's back pocket. The answer must always be "madame, if you want to do me in the rear a strap on in the can is not going far enough... make it two please" especially when this 54 year old jet setter with a fetish for domination wants to buy a nice new Masserati to keep her little cabana boy entertained when she's not around. So when the time comes to shave the kiwis or not to shave, clearly the only answer must be to cup those puppies and take it slow and easy.
Practice makes perfect, and so with a razor in one hand and some lather in another i practice, because i must! Because it's nice having some cushion down there to reduce chafing of the sack, but it's also nice to have a 54 year old woman with gobs of money who loves your little shaven walnuts so much so that she bankrolls your entire life (as long as she gets to fondle them at her convenience).
The training continues!
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