I made a drawing yesterday. It was good. By good I mean I liked it and art is done for you. The drawing was small and took very little time to compose. Better than good, it was a pleasure to assemble and even more pleasurable to see outside of my skull. A nice thing about it is that now that it's free I can compose more.
The thought occurred though, holding the sheet of paper up to a light bulb so that I could see it backward and see if the proportions worked correctly, was that I allowed my canvases to grow bloated. I allowed the canvases to exceed my ability to fill them. With time of course, any canvas can be filled. Tortuously. Screamingly. With terrific agony. I'm not there yet. I was there and it got very ugly for too long and I gave up.
Everything doesn't have to be bigger, better, bigger!, better!. It reminded me that I select the canvas. The canvas does not select me. The sensation was comforting. "Why has my art gone to hell?" Maybe it is you that has gone to hell to doodle? Feel free to back up. Circle round. There is no gun to your head. Don't forget to stop and enjoy what you can do with a smile.
///Error 641-33067
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
Showing posts with label note to self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label note to self. Show all posts
12/5/14
3/29/14
Reel
Sometimes I wonder if it's real. Outside and inside at the same time. Odd shifts. I can explain them, but explanation goes so far. I still want, to the point of near desperation, to cut you apart and examine the individual pieces. It can be done. There is never a good time for it. It has to be a final project or at least somewhere near final. Very close to final before another change.
The hardest part is finding a reasonable candidate. We can do it. It is far from impossible. Especially if it is the beginning of a stout library. There's no foul there. Storage space must be brought into consideration. On top of that is figuring out how to pay for capacity because storage space is worth gold by volume, plain and simple and the library will be extensive.
The other question being the simple fact that availability will be a major issue. Think it through. There's no impossible in "can't." There is some cant in can't though. Cannot get too canted because nothing flies right canted. All the control surfaces get way off and then holding the stick upright leads to poor action. We're gonna need a lot of jars. Like a fuck ton. Jars are cheap though and so is water. Things are going to rot, but that's fine. Lids contain stank. That's really good. It's not beyond our capacity so that's good too. Temporary storage. I still need more practice and it is an unfortunate obstacle.
You have to be better about taking out the trash though. If you can't take out the trash how can I possibly trust you to store things properly? You can't. We both want this though and how hard do you work to make shit happen when it's only you on the line? That's not fair to me. At all. Fuck progress, stop short changing me. It's not fair, plain and simple, Mr. plain and simple, and you know that.
All I'm saying is, sit the fuck down, have a smoke, and think about it for a minute. How retarded would it be to buy two dozen mason jars at once? For two, you haven't really thought out the actual land routes or air routes yet. For three, you have not worked out the cash because last I checked gas still costs money. And for four, your exit strategy is ill formed at best. I'll throw a five in there because you're actually listening now so it's pretty much a one: you still have a lot of work to do. I know it's very... open ended... but you know what I'm talking about. Talk to me when you've actually got some shit laid down.
It's hard, difficult, to think with you shouting. It's not easy to know if it's real. Hard, but challenge accepted. I'm not sure about you. I don't like it. Othering. Too much othering. To be honest, I'm disappointed in you. You can do better. It's flummoxing. Diagnostics failure? Yes, for chryssakes, yes. How many different ways do I have to paint it? We were born different. We weren't. I'm nothing like you. I know. We are the same. No, we are not. Yes we are. NO, we are not. That is unacceptable.
///Goldie - "Dragon Fly" next to Fury, top ten. new music is great but i am happy to rewind the classics. songs i hope to someday play for my children. when theyre ready. when we get there.
The hardest part is finding a reasonable candidate. We can do it. It is far from impossible. Especially if it is the beginning of a stout library. There's no foul there. Storage space must be brought into consideration. On top of that is figuring out how to pay for capacity because storage space is worth gold by volume, plain and simple and the library will be extensive.
The other question being the simple fact that availability will be a major issue. Think it through. There's no impossible in "can't." There is some cant in can't though. Cannot get too canted because nothing flies right canted. All the control surfaces get way off and then holding the stick upright leads to poor action. We're gonna need a lot of jars. Like a fuck ton. Jars are cheap though and so is water. Things are going to rot, but that's fine. Lids contain stank. That's really good. It's not beyond our capacity so that's good too. Temporary storage. I still need more practice and it is an unfortunate obstacle.
You have to be better about taking out the trash though. If you can't take out the trash how can I possibly trust you to store things properly? You can't. We both want this though and how hard do you work to make shit happen when it's only you on the line? That's not fair to me. At all. Fuck progress, stop short changing me. It's not fair, plain and simple, Mr. plain and simple, and you know that.
All I'm saying is, sit the fuck down, have a smoke, and think about it for a minute. How retarded would it be to buy two dozen mason jars at once? For two, you haven't really thought out the actual land routes or air routes yet. For three, you have not worked out the cash because last I checked gas still costs money. And for four, your exit strategy is ill formed at best. I'll throw a five in there because you're actually listening now so it's pretty much a one: you still have a lot of work to do. I know it's very... open ended... but you know what I'm talking about. Talk to me when you've actually got some shit laid down.
It's hard, difficult, to think with you shouting. It's not easy to know if it's real. Hard, but challenge accepted. I'm not sure about you. I don't like it. Othering. Too much othering. To be honest, I'm disappointed in you. You can do better. It's flummoxing. Diagnostics failure? Yes, for chryssakes, yes. How many different ways do I have to paint it? We were born different. We weren't. I'm nothing like you. I know. We are the same. No, we are not. Yes we are. NO, we are not. That is unacceptable.
///Goldie - "Dragon Fly" next to Fury, top ten. new music is great but i am happy to rewind the classics. songs i hope to someday play for my children. when theyre ready. when we get there.
10/5/12
Musicality
I'm trying to find the music in common sense. Not just that, but I'm trying to find the fun. I believe one of my greatest fears is writing ending being an occupation. Do what you love and everything else will come is largely a lie. Taking bobby pins out of my hair.
I don't know what I want to be, but I know I can't be an astronaut or a race car driver or a stuntman. Well maybe stuntman. Childhood dreams still haunt me, but at least I know (my third pick) I can be a writer given the right circumstances. I can be a bass junkie. That works too.
I know we had a lot of conversations about this
so I will stop there.
All we ever wanted to be was loved. That's a lie. Trying to find a good way to coda this. And I can't find one. The scrap yard has been busy today. Train noises. Bright lights. I feel I am aging inside beyond my years and I don't like it. Precipitation begging the clouds, but sometimes you have to look up
My condition is getting worse. Ghosts in the back room. And all I have to look forward to is the worsening of my schizophrenia. Fuck. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It hurts. I just want others around me to be happy and to kill them at the same time. I suppose in another life things worked out slightly differently because at this point it is a game of edges. I cannot imagine how things would have worked out otherwise. If I got the help I needed when I needed it instead of, no offense, Jesus.
the highs keep getting higher and the lows lower. There's only so much equipment a frame can carry. But all in all you just try to stay on the human side of things.
Double tracks pending.
///DJ? Acucrack - "In Yer Mind" all the pills
I don't know what I want to be, but I know I can't be an astronaut or a race car driver or a stuntman. Well maybe stuntman. Childhood dreams still haunt me, but at least I know (my third pick) I can be a writer given the right circumstances. I can be a bass junkie. That works too.
I know we had a lot of conversations about this
so I will stop there.
All we ever wanted to be was loved. That's a lie. Trying to find a good way to coda this. And I can't find one. The scrap yard has been busy today. Train noises. Bright lights. I feel I am aging inside beyond my years and I don't like it. Precipitation begging the clouds, but sometimes you have to look up
My condition is getting worse. Ghosts in the back room. And all I have to look forward to is the worsening of my schizophrenia. Fuck. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It hurts. I just want others around me to be happy and to kill them at the same time. I suppose in another life things worked out slightly differently because at this point it is a game of edges. I cannot imagine how things would have worked out otherwise. If I got the help I needed when I needed it instead of, no offense, Jesus.
the highs keep getting higher and the lows lower. There's only so much equipment a frame can carry. But all in all you just try to stay on the human side of things.
Double tracks pending.
///DJ? Acucrack - "In Yer Mind" all the pills
11/20/11
Note Dump
Finally got all the notes off of the old phone. It took me two days. Proprietary technologies.
182 attachments — Download all attachments
147 over 72
1K Download
12106 woodmore rd bowie 20721
1K Download
4345 andover terrace
1K Download
828 north ave
1K Download
Steve martin banjo
1K Download
Forbes to shady to bartlet just past darlington make a right and follow to panther hollow which turns into blvd to bates and left on 2nd and right on hot metal and left on water to 3830
1K Download
Im gonna shove this roll of parchment paper so far up your ass youll be baking cookies until christmas
1K Download
Whats he doing
1K Download
Dogging sunrise
1K Download
I bit my lip and it tasted like summer
1K Download
Everyone out to make what may be a first impression or maybe make up for weekend bullshit
1K Download
You think thats how it works? That we all grow up and we're suddenly friends now that i have the physical tools to take you apart the way i wanted to when i was smaller
1K Download
Plant a fist and see if a man grows
1K Download
It aint a limmerick and i aint irish
1K Download
Do the towel boys get rings too
1K Download
Empire of the god head
1K Download
She is a cheerleader
1K Download
Album titles
1K Download
Dumby rounds still hurt
1K Download
Youre not the last person ill love but you are the last person ill change my life for and thats why ill never be able to forget
1K Download
Dear god just dont let me die sober
1K Download
So much teenage poetry on tap
1K Download
Waiting to say something significant in pace and caught in the sliding revolving door of waiting for something significant to say
1K Download
Gayer than a sunbeam alighting on the arch of a rainbow pouring into a daffodil
1K Download
The clarity of 25 years of age
1K Download
Buying the things made cheap enough for you to buy because they slashed your income so low that you cant buy anything else
1K Download
The thing that feels untouchable walking home with your pants stained with dust from linoleum and not the dirt of real work and all youve done is serve for the least amount of money allowable by law for a company that wont allow you more than one work shirt beaten down and it wouldnt be so bad so shameful and shaming if you didnt have to know your spirit and candor was just as bruised as your knees
1K Download
Condom pocket on the sleeve
1K Download
Your pockets are retardedly small wtf
1K Download
Fuck you, thats some seriously personal shit but thanks for making it awkward enough to bear sympathy
1K Download
Ive finally grown into my nose
1K Download
Your fake nails are coming off
1K Download
I know my coat smells like it hasnt been washed since there were last leaves on the trees. I havent had money for detergent this week so ts.
1K Download
Trying to have sex with her and hearing her friend is dead fallen from a bridge in a suicide and the gory details and how they brought her food but did not call the police
1K Download
Career links on ardmoore off of penn ave
1K Download
Prime and paint
1K Download
Learn how to install glass block
1K Download
Fishermans friend. Buying ridiculous shit with food stamps instead of block and tackle
1K Download
Manson
1K Download
A man is fed alcohol and then sent on the road to rescue someone
1K Download
The only thing he can create with any conviction is an opinion which is not without its value but he is no artisan creator or imaginative talent
1K Download
The countervail
1K Download
Crush groove origin of def jam
1K Download
All the mess and fuss of exploding you by centimeters at the point of a box cutter
1K Download
Peacocks and their hand bags that could service pricks tighter than their own sagging resonalities and broke gate hinged hips on knee knobs turned pin headed with starvation
1K Download
A picture i should know little and littler men picking up smaller and smaller stones into infinity
1K Download
Its just you me the stars above and the hands of god in hell
1K Download
The entire planet goes online its a hollow antenna like entering a water bubble in space one billion dead links and one active
1K Download
The width of failures universe
1K Download
Whoever described to me the weight
1K Download
Zip cups
1K Download
Its like kicking a retarded kid in the face
1K Download
Once in a life time events
1K Download
Dodge beer
1K Download
You are as american as humus
1K Download
Youre a fifteen comment post
1K Download
Youre ruining the joke and its 15 years old
1K Download
Posted up on the block like a mailbox munoz
1K Download
Bug awareness resistance education
1K Download
Always be commenting
1K Download
He can build the shit out of a bookshelf
1K Download
Trailer park boys
1K Download
Feral cognition
1K Download
The sex was a watch makers dream.
1K Download
Just my fists and what's left of my wits
1K Download
Words to be permanently stricken from the r and b dictionary
1K Download
Lyrics for appearances sake
1K Download
Don't ask for rock stars if you what you really want is nerds with extensive internship experience and a clean history and possibly several years as a summer camp counselor
1K Download
The part doesn't haunt
1K Download
The simultaneous deletion and write of memory
1K Download
Hell in high places
1K Download
Jimmy scaleea. Prison coke dealer and turns out a nice guy if you ever got to know him
1K Download
The pieces you left inside of me would be proud of the little hurts and winces and inward breaths tap dancing in my footsteps
1K Download
The bones in my feet are harder than they've ever been. A set of callouses to match working hands and tired fingers
1K Download
There are no fantastically sexy terms for not doing drugs
1K Download
Rubbing sleep from eyes that have not
1K Download
Going back to campus in my work clothes
1K Download
They've taken their shoes off. They've torn their coats.
1K Download
Zodiac tesselation
1K Download
That sounds extremely egocriminal of you
1K Download
Like trying to guess how long you've been walking based on the time when you walk by my widow
1K Download
Come hang out in aisle 3
1K Download
No one will get in the way of what i feel for you. And i will be a mother fucker if you think that doesn't include you.
1K Download
Hamburger helper the bacon mix tapes
1K Download
A dream of time travel into a future where i lived on the second floor of a home and scrawled in charcoal on the wooden porch planks.
1K Download
When i ask for my blade you will present i sufficiently and you will, brandishing it at the sword smith.
1K Download
A402
1K Download
Bake it so
1K Download
In the immortal words of hans gruber: hit it again.
1K Download
Dish Towel laundry horse tweezers dish rack? Chalk!
1K Download
7008 fax suffix
1K Download
If you cure cancer you can cause aids
1K Download
Of
1K Download
And for that matter is this bitch calling me a dumb townie like if i foot have the cash for a cab ride from where i was to where im going i just don't deserve to travel at all dumb cunt. You know nothing of where i've been or where i'm going and deserve in yous criticism nothing less than branding
1K Download
Is it a felony to strangle someone in self defense. Is it possible to strangle someone in self defense i suppose that's getting into the stun kill territory isn't it. I think it is. The threat would have to be so grave or of a nature so intense that the only solution was the death of the attacker but how can a situation like that arise with the kind of marching inevitability that would force an action like that
1K Download
Shut up cunt no one cares if my back pack bumps into your body. Grow a presence and it wont matter if people notice you or not you fucking stupid woman
1K Download
A bad thing? Perhaps, but i believe good sir i may be too drunk to care at this juncture but we'll see how we assess things at the next juncture
1K Download
I believe in the pursuit of function and form i've erred on the side of homeless folks
1K Download
Its not about documenting human experience as much as it matters that its the first or close to a first time common experience or even perhaps common thought is being committed to paper and that is part of what makes the cannon more than relevant but very much important
1K Download
A lickist
1K Download
34th st get off walk west or south to 31st. Walk west to 9th st. There is no 32nd street if you're in the right place.
1K Download
And a normalness confirmed and evinced in its very utterance
1K Download
Chicken bone lye
1K Download
Halide projector
1K Download
To elizer its always great to see you
1K Download
Budget banger
1K Download
There was a fascination with end points. With segmentation.
1K Download
Does that make me a sociopath or a computer?
1K Download
Every permutation has a theory but the problem becomes akin to the several string theories
1K Download
Violent for creations sake
1K Download
Studying each interaction and assimilating and modifying behaviors until each interaction is perfectly human and utterly normal
1K Download
An adhoc network of words. Segmented thought that is in every way more complete and encompassing than any grammatical capsule
1K Download
Even the soot nastied sand of a dulled beach has something enough to beg an occassion for visitation
1K Download
I guess its just funny that people talk about yin and yang but we're really just yin and yin
1K Download
I am not a healer im a destroyer in the ranks of entropy and her hench
1K Download
Every person is worth having sex with for reasons yet discovered
1K Download
Sense dulling road glare. Smoking cigarettes
1K Download
Martians in the 50s. Only land in smart places of states. Unaffected. Homeless coworker at grocery store lives in a wrecking yard where i'm rebuilding a panel station wagon. I borrow his hats sometimes. He sleeps over. Wake up in the night to smoke. See the blonde neighbor. Is she a robot. Windy night. See a martian in a mirror at a dark window. Pretend to be dumb and sleep unaffected. Mother is with a friend studying television like a text book. They never did that before
1K Download
You see the beginning and don't care how it ends. You send the end and foot care how it began. You see the middle and think man that was wierd
1K Download
A man who can see the near future except for what is within his reach to affect or within a certain mile radius of him. He has no friends.
1K Download
Sympathy for the treble
1K Download
Microwavable crazy glue. Gives off fumes that will kill you
1K Download
Drometheus
1K Download
The dog star
1K Download
Great moments. Time left on the microwave. Wtf. Oh yeah it was me. Because this is my place. And that is my microwave. And this is where i live.
1K Download
Birds trying to shake the meat of the bread free
1K Download
So much pet food
1K Download
Screaming toward a hard fault and dead channels. A red dot reset in the silence of failure and shreds of shattered voices
1K Download
A modern day masculine eunuchcowboy homo
1K Download
A fixed number of orgasms achievable through opposing sexual relationships at which point you switch
1K Download
High country a boy in his dream land
1K Download
It came from the high country
1K Download
Brick top a growing conspiracy of sounds and voices
1K Download
A guilt of sound
1K Download
A mouth to mouth infection of sound
1K Download
Soap doesnt come in flavors, neither does chef boyardee but i do.
1K Download
Spring overture of food friends and drink
1K Download
Shrubbery of words and poetry
1K Download
Money doesnt buy happiness. Just look at the tax system and the problems people articulate with it. Im just as happy or miserable as him why should i pay more
1K Download
Squinting at mulholland drive
1K Download
A look to his eye the kind of look you only need to see from a dog once to know it just aint right in the head and aint never gonna be right
1K Download
Four piece knock out chicken leg wing thigh and biscuit.
1K Download
Start a group gay so i cant hang out with attractive guys? Is it not like hanging out with hot chicks except more awesome? How often do you bang the hot chicks you like to be around
1K Download
Just because in gay does not mean hue secretly been in love with you
1K Download
The grossness of exception destroys personality at both ends of the spectrum
1K Download
Ugly people are nasty first and nice second but they can and are assholes just as often as nice looking people
1K Download
Clemency of ones and zeros
1K Download
While i am thrilled that you aint sacred of no man woman child or beast could you please shut the fuck up. I mean that as politely as possible. You and your man
1K Download
Sedentary complexion
1K Download
Shatter your cheek bone and snap the bridge of your nose free clear of your face like a finger nail snapped pried loose with dull pocket knife
1K Download
Cabbababababbcabacbabacbabi
1K Download
Butter sweet symphony
1K Download
You're singing to yourself while you masterbate
1K Download
Solving problems one iteration at a time
1K Download
Pop a pill yeah.
1K Download
Tickle your mouses belly while it uprocks to wake your compy
1K Download
How awesome is it to type highly into a phone using auto complete
1K Download
Im glad i didnt have nigger in my t9
1K Download
How often i hear nigger blaring on radios in cars outside my window
1K Download
Students of math and science quantum study work students of literature and human considerations a confluence a continuity of thought as requirement rule not exception differences in study methods and success rates dictated by subject matter the nature of the matter being studied the continuity of human experience comprehensible only in continuous immersion unlike the stagger stepped quantum accruiesssence of number based segmented and interchangeable highly interchangeable knowledge compartmentalized versus nonlinear landscape fractal persuits
1K Download
Fried chicken. It happened.
1K Download
That buttery tart pressure on the head of your stomach sliding down your throat like you just sucked on a used band aid
1K Download
They tell me things i dont know. The voices
1K Download
Birth of a race
1K Download
End of a world birth of a race. The fragmented pieces of earth spell a message that states in universal words that everyone should know the world was tested and the universe should now know the survivors as the worthy and strongest beings who succeeded the planet and inherited the galaxy through acts of tremendous selflessness and sacrifice worthy of any species. They realize the earth can't be saved but they can survive if they all separate themselves each one of them being the target of a multi directional world breaking attack
1K Download
Pointless piece of status symbol shit
1K Download
Rest easy knowing full well your music will never be appropriated by christian lyricists
1K Download
Things people would buy with my face on them
1K Download
And im thinking about lighting cigarettes one end touched to another like cigarettes and dreams of one night stands i had in college
1K Download
I called you 5 times and you never call me back. Left a video message of you putting french fries in a cup of peanut butter and then another of your spread legs and wet pussy. You blonde pink edgy bitch. Your friend brunette eats right. Hates the gross food we like. Chastises me in front of you. What are you doing. Staring at someone i have no business looking at. The cat can talk. Tells me to im to vervo. He smells like sewage. Tells me that vervo have him his idea that got him elected. Why do you keep flipping me off? Do we still have a thing going? Itll ad a seven game series. Ive seen you eat them like that every week. A toy gun in the library shooting water at perverts. Jim is dead. I killed him but no one knows. I was jealous. His body was destroyed after i pushed him into the machines gears. I ignore her calls until italk to the cat. Now i go out of my way to see her.they go to a club and invite me but dont tell me its collared shirts only they dont let me out of the car until they stop to pick up girls though i try to jump off while the car moves.its the second time. I walk home past the college campus i used to call home and see faces that dont remember me. Its frustrating but freeing. I give up on them.
1K Download
355 to park avenue make a right on park go to stone street and follow the signs.
1K Download
Diminutous
1K Download
North and austin farmers market
1K Download
Citron
1K Download
There are some things in there worth pursuing and fleshing out into individual things.
182 attachments — Download all attachments
147 over 72
1K Download
12106 woodmore rd bowie 20721
1K Download
4345 andover terrace
1K Download
828 north ave
1K Download
Steve martin banjo
1K Download
Forbes to shady to bartlet just past darlington make a right and follow to panther hollow which turns into blvd to bates and left on 2nd and right on hot metal and left on water to 3830
1K Download
Im gonna shove this roll of parchment paper so far up your ass youll be baking cookies until christmas
1K Download
Whats he doing
1K Download
Dogging sunrise
1K Download
I bit my lip and it tasted like summer
1K Download
Everyone out to make what may be a first impression or maybe make up for weekend bullshit
1K Download
You think thats how it works? That we all grow up and we're suddenly friends now that i have the physical tools to take you apart the way i wanted to when i was smaller
1K Download
Plant a fist and see if a man grows
1K Download
It aint a limmerick and i aint irish
1K Download
Do the towel boys get rings too
1K Download
Empire of the god head
1K Download
She is a cheerleader
1K Download
Album titles
1K Download
Dumby rounds still hurt
1K Download
Youre not the last person ill love but you are the last person ill change my life for and thats why ill never be able to forget
1K Download
Dear god just dont let me die sober
1K Download
So much teenage poetry on tap
1K Download
Waiting to say something significant in pace and caught in the sliding revolving door of waiting for something significant to say
1K Download
Gayer than a sunbeam alighting on the arch of a rainbow pouring into a daffodil
1K Download
The clarity of 25 years of age
1K Download
Buying the things made cheap enough for you to buy because they slashed your income so low that you cant buy anything else
1K Download
The thing that feels untouchable walking home with your pants stained with dust from linoleum and not the dirt of real work and all youve done is serve for the least amount of money allowable by law for a company that wont allow you more than one work shirt beaten down and it wouldnt be so bad so shameful and shaming if you didnt have to know your spirit and candor was just as bruised as your knees
1K Download
Condom pocket on the sleeve
1K Download
Your pockets are retardedly small wtf
1K Download
Fuck you, thats some seriously personal shit but thanks for making it awkward enough to bear sympathy
1K Download
Ive finally grown into my nose
1K Download
Your fake nails are coming off
1K Download
I know my coat smells like it hasnt been washed since there were last leaves on the trees. I havent had money for detergent this week so ts.
1K Download
Trying to have sex with her and hearing her friend is dead fallen from a bridge in a suicide and the gory details and how they brought her food but did not call the police
1K Download
Career links on ardmoore off of penn ave
1K Download
Prime and paint
1K Download
Learn how to install glass block
1K Download
Fishermans friend. Buying ridiculous shit with food stamps instead of block and tackle
1K Download
Manson
1K Download
A man is fed alcohol and then sent on the road to rescue someone
1K Download
The only thing he can create with any conviction is an opinion which is not without its value but he is no artisan creator or imaginative talent
1K Download
The countervail
1K Download
Crush groove origin of def jam
1K Download
All the mess and fuss of exploding you by centimeters at the point of a box cutter
1K Download
Peacocks and their hand bags that could service pricks tighter than their own sagging resonalities and broke gate hinged hips on knee knobs turned pin headed with starvation
1K Download
A picture i should know little and littler men picking up smaller and smaller stones into infinity
1K Download
Its just you me the stars above and the hands of god in hell
1K Download
The entire planet goes online its a hollow antenna like entering a water bubble in space one billion dead links and one active
1K Download
The width of failures universe
1K Download
Whoever described to me the weight
1K Download
Zip cups
1K Download
Its like kicking a retarded kid in the face
1K Download
Once in a life time events
1K Download
Dodge beer
1K Download
You are as american as humus
1K Download
Youre a fifteen comment post
1K Download
Youre ruining the joke and its 15 years old
1K Download
Posted up on the block like a mailbox munoz
1K Download
Bug awareness resistance education
1K Download
Always be commenting
1K Download
He can build the shit out of a bookshelf
1K Download
Trailer park boys
1K Download
Feral cognition
1K Download
The sex was a watch makers dream.
1K Download
Just my fists and what's left of my wits
1K Download
Words to be permanently stricken from the r and b dictionary
1K Download
Lyrics for appearances sake
1K Download
Don't ask for rock stars if you what you really want is nerds with extensive internship experience and a clean history and possibly several years as a summer camp counselor
1K Download
The part doesn't haunt
1K Download
The simultaneous deletion and write of memory
1K Download
Hell in high places
1K Download
Jimmy scaleea. Prison coke dealer and turns out a nice guy if you ever got to know him
1K Download
The pieces you left inside of me would be proud of the little hurts and winces and inward breaths tap dancing in my footsteps
1K Download
The bones in my feet are harder than they've ever been. A set of callouses to match working hands and tired fingers
1K Download
There are no fantastically sexy terms for not doing drugs
1K Download
Rubbing sleep from eyes that have not
1K Download
Going back to campus in my work clothes
1K Download
They've taken their shoes off. They've torn their coats.
1K Download
Zodiac tesselation
1K Download
That sounds extremely egocriminal of you
1K Download
Like trying to guess how long you've been walking based on the time when you walk by my widow
1K Download
Come hang out in aisle 3
1K Download
No one will get in the way of what i feel for you. And i will be a mother fucker if you think that doesn't include you.
1K Download
Hamburger helper the bacon mix tapes
1K Download
A dream of time travel into a future where i lived on the second floor of a home and scrawled in charcoal on the wooden porch planks.
1K Download
When i ask for my blade you will present i sufficiently and you will, brandishing it at the sword smith.
1K Download
A402
1K Download
Bake it so
1K Download
In the immortal words of hans gruber: hit it again.
1K Download
Dish Towel laundry horse tweezers dish rack? Chalk!
1K Download
7008 fax suffix
1K Download
If you cure cancer you can cause aids
1K Download
Of
1K Download
And for that matter is this bitch calling me a dumb townie like if i foot have the cash for a cab ride from where i was to where im going i just don't deserve to travel at all dumb cunt. You know nothing of where i've been or where i'm going and deserve in yous criticism nothing less than branding
1K Download
Is it a felony to strangle someone in self defense. Is it possible to strangle someone in self defense i suppose that's getting into the stun kill territory isn't it. I think it is. The threat would have to be so grave or of a nature so intense that the only solution was the death of the attacker but how can a situation like that arise with the kind of marching inevitability that would force an action like that
1K Download
Shut up cunt no one cares if my back pack bumps into your body. Grow a presence and it wont matter if people notice you or not you fucking stupid woman
1K Download
A bad thing? Perhaps, but i believe good sir i may be too drunk to care at this juncture but we'll see how we assess things at the next juncture
1K Download
I believe in the pursuit of function and form i've erred on the side of homeless folks
1K Download
Its not about documenting human experience as much as it matters that its the first or close to a first time common experience or even perhaps common thought is being committed to paper and that is part of what makes the cannon more than relevant but very much important
1K Download
A lickist
1K Download
34th st get off walk west or south to 31st. Walk west to 9th st. There is no 32nd street if you're in the right place.
1K Download
And a normalness confirmed and evinced in its very utterance
1K Download
Chicken bone lye
1K Download
Halide projector
1K Download
To elizer its always great to see you
1K Download
Budget banger
1K Download
There was a fascination with end points. With segmentation.
1K Download
Does that make me a sociopath or a computer?
1K Download
Every permutation has a theory but the problem becomes akin to the several string theories
1K Download
Violent for creations sake
1K Download
Studying each interaction and assimilating and modifying behaviors until each interaction is perfectly human and utterly normal
1K Download
An adhoc network of words. Segmented thought that is in every way more complete and encompassing than any grammatical capsule
1K Download
Even the soot nastied sand of a dulled beach has something enough to beg an occassion for visitation
1K Download
I guess its just funny that people talk about yin and yang but we're really just yin and yin
1K Download
I am not a healer im a destroyer in the ranks of entropy and her hench
1K Download
Every person is worth having sex with for reasons yet discovered
1K Download
Sense dulling road glare. Smoking cigarettes
1K Download
Martians in the 50s. Only land in smart places of states. Unaffected. Homeless coworker at grocery store lives in a wrecking yard where i'm rebuilding a panel station wagon. I borrow his hats sometimes. He sleeps over. Wake up in the night to smoke. See the blonde neighbor. Is she a robot. Windy night. See a martian in a mirror at a dark window. Pretend to be dumb and sleep unaffected. Mother is with a friend studying television like a text book. They never did that before
1K Download
You see the beginning and don't care how it ends. You send the end and foot care how it began. You see the middle and think man that was wierd
1K Download
A man who can see the near future except for what is within his reach to affect or within a certain mile radius of him. He has no friends.
1K Download
Sympathy for the treble
1K Download
Microwavable crazy glue. Gives off fumes that will kill you
1K Download
Drometheus
1K Download
The dog star
1K Download
Great moments. Time left on the microwave. Wtf. Oh yeah it was me. Because this is my place. And that is my microwave. And this is where i live.
1K Download
Birds trying to shake the meat of the bread free
1K Download
So much pet food
1K Download
Screaming toward a hard fault and dead channels. A red dot reset in the silence of failure and shreds of shattered voices
1K Download
A modern day masculine eunuchcowboy homo
1K Download
A fixed number of orgasms achievable through opposing sexual relationships at which point you switch
1K Download
High country a boy in his dream land
1K Download
It came from the high country
1K Download
Brick top a growing conspiracy of sounds and voices
1K Download
A guilt of sound
1K Download
A mouth to mouth infection of sound
1K Download
Soap doesnt come in flavors, neither does chef boyardee but i do.
1K Download
Spring overture of food friends and drink
1K Download
Shrubbery of words and poetry
1K Download
Money doesnt buy happiness. Just look at the tax system and the problems people articulate with it. Im just as happy or miserable as him why should i pay more
1K Download
Squinting at mulholland drive
1K Download
A look to his eye the kind of look you only need to see from a dog once to know it just aint right in the head and aint never gonna be right
1K Download
Four piece knock out chicken leg wing thigh and biscuit.
1K Download
Start a group gay so i cant hang out with attractive guys? Is it not like hanging out with hot chicks except more awesome? How often do you bang the hot chicks you like to be around
1K Download
Just because in gay does not mean hue secretly been in love with you
1K Download
The grossness of exception destroys personality at both ends of the spectrum
1K Download
Ugly people are nasty first and nice second but they can and are assholes just as often as nice looking people
1K Download
Clemency of ones and zeros
1K Download
While i am thrilled that you aint sacred of no man woman child or beast could you please shut the fuck up. I mean that as politely as possible. You and your man
1K Download
Sedentary complexion
1K Download
Shatter your cheek bone and snap the bridge of your nose free clear of your face like a finger nail snapped pried loose with dull pocket knife
1K Download
Cabbababababbcabacbabacbabi
1K Download
Butter sweet symphony
1K Download
You're singing to yourself while you masterbate
1K Download
Solving problems one iteration at a time
1K Download
Pop a pill yeah.
1K Download
Tickle your mouses belly while it uprocks to wake your compy
1K Download
How awesome is it to type highly into a phone using auto complete
1K Download
Im glad i didnt have nigger in my t9
1K Download
How often i hear nigger blaring on radios in cars outside my window
1K Download
Students of math and science quantum study work students of literature and human considerations a confluence a continuity of thought as requirement rule not exception differences in study methods and success rates dictated by subject matter the nature of the matter being studied the continuity of human experience comprehensible only in continuous immersion unlike the stagger stepped quantum accruiesssence of number based segmented and interchangeable highly interchangeable knowledge compartmentalized versus nonlinear landscape fractal persuits
1K Download
Fried chicken. It happened.
1K Download
That buttery tart pressure on the head of your stomach sliding down your throat like you just sucked on a used band aid
1K Download
They tell me things i dont know. The voices
1K Download
Birth of a race
1K Download
End of a world birth of a race. The fragmented pieces of earth spell a message that states in universal words that everyone should know the world was tested and the universe should now know the survivors as the worthy and strongest beings who succeeded the planet and inherited the galaxy through acts of tremendous selflessness and sacrifice worthy of any species. They realize the earth can't be saved but they can survive if they all separate themselves each one of them being the target of a multi directional world breaking attack
1K Download
Pointless piece of status symbol shit
1K Download
Rest easy knowing full well your music will never be appropriated by christian lyricists
1K Download
Things people would buy with my face on them
1K Download
And im thinking about lighting cigarettes one end touched to another like cigarettes and dreams of one night stands i had in college
1K Download
I called you 5 times and you never call me back. Left a video message of you putting french fries in a cup of peanut butter and then another of your spread legs and wet pussy. You blonde pink edgy bitch. Your friend brunette eats right. Hates the gross food we like. Chastises me in front of you. What are you doing. Staring at someone i have no business looking at. The cat can talk. Tells me to im to vervo. He smells like sewage. Tells me that vervo have him his idea that got him elected. Why do you keep flipping me off? Do we still have a thing going? Itll ad a seven game series. Ive seen you eat them like that every week. A toy gun in the library shooting water at perverts. Jim is dead. I killed him but no one knows. I was jealous. His body was destroyed after i pushed him into the machines gears. I ignore her calls until italk to the cat. Now i go out of my way to see her.they go to a club and invite me but dont tell me its collared shirts only they dont let me out of the car until they stop to pick up girls though i try to jump off while the car moves.its the second time. I walk home past the college campus i used to call home and see faces that dont remember me. Its frustrating but freeing. I give up on them.
1K Download
355 to park avenue make a right on park go to stone street and follow the signs.
1K Download
Diminutous
1K Download
North and austin farmers market
1K Download
Citron
1K Download
There are some things in there worth pursuing and fleshing out into individual things.
6/23/11
dear (______):
Dear future self,
Stop moving my stuff around. You daft bastard.
thanks,
the management.
Stop moving my stuff around. You daft bastard.
thanks,
the management.
5/17/11
Think of the Capacitance, Reconnection, and No More Funny (for now)
I am way too neurotic to be funny. At least for now. Rage is too close to my funny bone, or maybe I just need to drink more and relax. It would be terrific if I was compartmentalized and organized enough to be funny on a whim, but unlike athletes and super brains my insides are all mashed up. It would be a lot like a professional football player who couldn't divide on the field violence and competitiveness from his private life. And then again, that's not really a good example because that happens all the time.
More like a race car driver who, sitting at a lunch table, grabs his plate of food, dumps all the food on the floor, and proceeds to use the plate like a steering wheel as he pilots his five hundred horse power table to victory lane while making car noises and leaning aggressively into the g forces of every nonexistent turn to keep his eye line level with the candy striped rumble strips. So in trying to be funny I stray hard into anger and then can't really get back out of it until I talk about it directly. So let's give it a rest for a little while till I can find the kid again and day dream in the grass and look at the stars without feeling loss.
I do want them dead and to watch them picked over by sand flies, but I've got decades to wait for that release and until then attempting escape by any means is setting myself up for thousands of crest falls. I spent a lot of time, hours, whilst pissing the nights away at a job that is barely wondering what I could do, how long it will take, before I can fully move on from them and the fallout of their actions and I think the answer is never, but once they're gone it'll at least be an exercise in dividing the distance to balance in half until it is, for practical purposes and functions, zero. I can live with that. I just have to not explode into embers of rageous delirium before then.
There's been some safe connection. With people again. Which has been pleasant. A first contact on hailing frequencies. It wasn't easy. I'm still, more or less, in the same orbit and unable to land yet, but am prepared to do so at the earliest convenience. Things just haven't been particularly funny of late. Or maybe they have. When I think about my job I think of how I have to talk myself up to it, talk myself into it, and talk myself safely out of it when my shift is over. It struck me as what some people porn probably have to do before the big scene involving a series of serial and parallel acts degrading enough to make them unconscionable to most human beings if they themselves had to be on the set to see the uncropped and unflattering angles or participate in any capacity. "Come on, you can do this. Just two more hours and it's over."
The connection itself has been fantastic. To be spoken to as a person. A fantastic experience. Addressed as not a liability or wildcard or moron or ass or subordinate or fractured or toxified, but just as another person. It's a good feeling. To be treated without strings. Granted it takes a lot of effort to rejoin that sort of treatment, to flow back the channel and engage on the common field line. It's hard. People take that for granted. Of course there are ten paths and channels extending and entering throughput throughout the exchange, but to choose to engage is worth the effort. So if I ever break out into sweats while I'm talking to you, you now know why. Practice makes more practice.
The poetry has been slacking, but like I said before, I'm only two hands, one pair of eyes, and one mouth to handle my production cue and my hands have been busy at Bits for Flames recently trying to make sense of old rough drafts and fix continuities and cut into the cores of what was trying to be said and expressed and constructed. If I had to call my writing style anything I would call it some kind of impressionism and, while tickling my brain's predilection for flights of romantic picturesque fancy and curly serifed constructions, it doesn't readily lend itself to conflation and linearity. Editing. Frustrating. I spent two hours trying to press reason out of thematic cross signaling before shoving it out there anyway because sometimes I have to shove off of something for a while before I can come back and look at it and see what's not connecting. Maybe that's why I shove off of myself sometimes, but always come back to try and fix me later. I'm 9 today.
I think I'm going to plot out my birthdays through the year to my projected death at 70 in a freak race car driving accident.
I went to a job fair where a woman was telling me that I could be published without having read a single word I'd written or even glancing at my "child born in the heart of blighted Africa" thin resume. She made the comment after I told her I loved writing when she told me that the seminary she represented recently added a one unit course on publishing. I'm pretty sure she was mainly looking to add to her auto mailer sign up sheet. I didn't sign up. She kept telling me how great my personality was. I kept wanting to tell her I was mostly just happy to be in a place where people were happy to see me just because I was there, but I didn't. It was a fun conversation nonetheless. Beats out talking to myself in my kitchen about what the smell coming out of the kitchen sink u trap might have been.
I'm tired and hungry. Resisting the solid state. Meals have slipped again. I had them nice and spread out over 16 hours at reasonable intervals a month ago. They're now back to a huddled mass of desperate consumption over four hours. Whatever I thought I did to fix that has unfixed itself. The unfucked has refucked and I have to power up and use my guts and grit to push it apart again and once more become awesome, because let's face it, only you can make you awesome.
I've accomplished no further work on the paper robot, but it is still on my table alongside my drawing pad that has NOT gathered dust... ...yet and my notebook. I have pages and pages and pages of notes to go through. It's frustrating. My hobby is my work, but my work doesn't let me eat so I have to do fake work to get food tokens so I don't die and then when I come home to do my real work I am too exhausted to engage it fully. It's this odd lockup. Hobbies are supposed to leave you rejuvenated and expanded and more whole as a person and my hobby is awesomely fulfilling and makes me so post coitus contented that I don't want to do anything else, but it is also massively exhausting and time and energy consuming that I can't do it and then run off to fake work to get my damn food and rent tokens, which is why I need to outright buy property. At least that way the amount of money I would be required to earn to stay alive would be drastically reduced. Probably my number one reason to get back into school some day, but buying property will probably be cheaper in the long run. Which is why it is reason number one after the two hundred reasons why it will probably and in all honesty, with the kind of person wired the way that I am, should not happen. Stupid genes.
So here I am. Pinging you and pinging me. Still alive and happily so. The value of life is not the journey. I hope everyone who says things like that gets stabbed in the eye socket. I don't understand how anyone can go through life without creating something and then pursuing further creation. More than anything else that is who I am. Generator. Taking in raw material and constructing. There was something else on the tip of the ax pick of my brain. But I can't remember it. I'm going to go through some old notes and share them if they're interesting. I'm going to get my hands back into my dream housing and tear more words and motions and highs and visions from the fabric and sew them together for me and for you. I miss that. I've missed you in this urgent proofing against premature self destruction. We should hang out sometime.
///Elastica - "Connection" This concludes our broadcast day.
More like a race car driver who, sitting at a lunch table, grabs his plate of food, dumps all the food on the floor, and proceeds to use the plate like a steering wheel as he pilots his five hundred horse power table to victory lane while making car noises and leaning aggressively into the g forces of every nonexistent turn to keep his eye line level with the candy striped rumble strips. So in trying to be funny I stray hard into anger and then can't really get back out of it until I talk about it directly. So let's give it a rest for a little while till I can find the kid again and day dream in the grass and look at the stars without feeling loss.
I do want them dead and to watch them picked over by sand flies, but I've got decades to wait for that release and until then attempting escape by any means is setting myself up for thousands of crest falls. I spent a lot of time, hours, whilst pissing the nights away at a job that is barely wondering what I could do, how long it will take, before I can fully move on from them and the fallout of their actions and I think the answer is never, but once they're gone it'll at least be an exercise in dividing the distance to balance in half until it is, for practical purposes and functions, zero. I can live with that. I just have to not explode into embers of rageous delirium before then.
There's been some safe connection. With people again. Which has been pleasant. A first contact on hailing frequencies. It wasn't easy. I'm still, more or less, in the same orbit and unable to land yet, but am prepared to do so at the earliest convenience. Things just haven't been particularly funny of late. Or maybe they have. When I think about my job I think of how I have to talk myself up to it, talk myself into it, and talk myself safely out of it when my shift is over. It struck me as what some people porn probably have to do before the big scene involving a series of serial and parallel acts degrading enough to make them unconscionable to most human beings if they themselves had to be on the set to see the uncropped and unflattering angles or participate in any capacity. "Come on, you can do this. Just two more hours and it's over."
The connection itself has been fantastic. To be spoken to as a person. A fantastic experience. Addressed as not a liability or wildcard or moron or ass or subordinate or fractured or toxified, but just as another person. It's a good feeling. To be treated without strings. Granted it takes a lot of effort to rejoin that sort of treatment, to flow back the channel and engage on the common field line. It's hard. People take that for granted. Of course there are ten paths and channels extending and entering throughput throughout the exchange, but to choose to engage is worth the effort. So if I ever break out into sweats while I'm talking to you, you now know why. Practice makes more practice.
The poetry has been slacking, but like I said before, I'm only two hands, one pair of eyes, and one mouth to handle my production cue and my hands have been busy at Bits for Flames recently trying to make sense of old rough drafts and fix continuities and cut into the cores of what was trying to be said and expressed and constructed. If I had to call my writing style anything I would call it some kind of impressionism and, while tickling my brain's predilection for flights of romantic picturesque fancy and curly serifed constructions, it doesn't readily lend itself to conflation and linearity. Editing. Frustrating. I spent two hours trying to press reason out of thematic cross signaling before shoving it out there anyway because sometimes I have to shove off of something for a while before I can come back and look at it and see what's not connecting. Maybe that's why I shove off of myself sometimes, but always come back to try and fix me later. I'm 9 today.
I think I'm going to plot out my birthdays through the year to my projected death at 70 in a freak race car driving accident.
I went to a job fair where a woman was telling me that I could be published without having read a single word I'd written or even glancing at my "child born in the heart of blighted Africa" thin resume. She made the comment after I told her I loved writing when she told me that the seminary she represented recently added a one unit course on publishing. I'm pretty sure she was mainly looking to add to her auto mailer sign up sheet. I didn't sign up. She kept telling me how great my personality was. I kept wanting to tell her I was mostly just happy to be in a place where people were happy to see me just because I was there, but I didn't. It was a fun conversation nonetheless. Beats out talking to myself in my kitchen about what the smell coming out of the kitchen sink u trap might have been.
I'm tired and hungry. Resisting the solid state. Meals have slipped again. I had them nice and spread out over 16 hours at reasonable intervals a month ago. They're now back to a huddled mass of desperate consumption over four hours. Whatever I thought I did to fix that has unfixed itself. The unfucked has refucked and I have to power up and use my guts and grit to push it apart again and once more become awesome, because let's face it, only you can make you awesome.
I've accomplished no further work on the paper robot, but it is still on my table alongside my drawing pad that has NOT gathered dust... ...yet and my notebook. I have pages and pages and pages of notes to go through. It's frustrating. My hobby is my work, but my work doesn't let me eat so I have to do fake work to get food tokens so I don't die and then when I come home to do my real work I am too exhausted to engage it fully. It's this odd lockup. Hobbies are supposed to leave you rejuvenated and expanded and more whole as a person and my hobby is awesomely fulfilling and makes me so post coitus contented that I don't want to do anything else, but it is also massively exhausting and time and energy consuming that I can't do it and then run off to fake work to get my damn food and rent tokens, which is why I need to outright buy property. At least that way the amount of money I would be required to earn to stay alive would be drastically reduced. Probably my number one reason to get back into school some day, but buying property will probably be cheaper in the long run. Which is why it is reason number one after the two hundred reasons why it will probably and in all honesty, with the kind of person wired the way that I am, should not happen. Stupid genes.
So here I am. Pinging you and pinging me. Still alive and happily so. The value of life is not the journey. I hope everyone who says things like that gets stabbed in the eye socket. I don't understand how anyone can go through life without creating something and then pursuing further creation. More than anything else that is who I am. Generator. Taking in raw material and constructing. There was something else on the tip of the ax pick of my brain. But I can't remember it. I'm going to go through some old notes and share them if they're interesting. I'm going to get my hands back into my dream housing and tear more words and motions and highs and visions from the fabric and sew them together for me and for you. I miss that. I've missed you in this urgent proofing against premature self destruction. We should hang out sometime.
///Elastica - "Connection" This concludes our broadcast day.
2/23/11
The Fringeness of Earnesty and High Cycles
I'm sort of coming to realize, well first of all I think I've been talking too much again, but I'm sort of coming to realize that I am a fringe personality. I was pretty delusional back in 2004. I thought I was cooler than the other side of the pillow beneath the boss cat's hipster transformers cartoon printed footie pajamas. Then I started to see the full Lawrence of Arabia letterbox landscape of who I was. Then even seeing that I started to believe again. Then I thought maybe the strangeness was the strangeness of perhaps a Kramer and desirable for the sake of its own quirks and prats. Now I'm beginning to understand that what it is really is the quality of fringe. I was beginning to think about what I could do to tear that away and assume a lower charge. No clue. My charge is way too high. By the time I get near to people I'm ravenous for company and traveling at speeds that break bones and all of me wants to talk at once. Not that quiet is a bad thing. I'm a fantastically introverted extrovert. I couldn't live with me. I shouldn't expect other people to. Right?
Well anyway, I'm going to try and keep these shorter. There's no lightness to being. There's no likeness to seeing. I'm camping at the edges of some things I shouldn't be near. Not that they keep calling me, but it's more like a landmark that lets me navigate the rest of the solid world. Or not even that. I have a hard time keeping track of progression. The importance of cause and effect is. I suspect the problem might be that I am difficult to relate to, but with slight effort able to be comprehended and possessing sightlines worth following when I am close to my best, and I am violent, obscure, unpredictable, melancholy, intensely introspective, restless, and largely inchoate and impossible to relate to when I am not near my best. Problematic. But at least I'm starting to understand how or at least why it seems I'm regularly fallen into Kuiper radial movements. I'll stop calling them every weekend. They'll get out the telescopes and rovers and years of planning and clean rooms and staffs of scientists and damage controllers when they're ready to see me blow by along the edges of the perceivable solar system.
I've also realized that my head is most active when I'm turning my motor at work. So now I take notes on my phone. Good. A fine start. Because by the time I'm ready to leave work and I get to my door at home I can't remember half of the things I started in my head while I was there. I'm losing lines. Each object in is another out. So now I can chase the high cycles like dust motes. I don't know why it didn't occur to me sooner. I guess I thought they'd think I was texting people. Just texting myself. Tracking my information. Taching my spin. My head always seems to run the hottest when I can forget my body or perhaps simply push in the clutch linking it to. Corporeal fault lay line.
Some advances were made at Bits. Not many. I like the layout, but I need to learn how to manipulate the blogger gadgets so I can create my own with proper attribution. Still waiting for the end of the world, but I'm happy to be doing so in a city I love. Let's dance till the sun comes up. I'll bring the scissors. Sometimes they tell me things I don't know.
///Juno Reactor - "Las Vegas Future Past" She runs great. Good idle. Clean title. Half the miles were done a quarter at a time too. Been to Vegas a couple times in it. You ever see one of these wide open on the interstate? It's got a sound like you wouldn't believe.
Well anyway, I'm going to try and keep these shorter. There's no lightness to being. There's no likeness to seeing. I'm camping at the edges of some things I shouldn't be near. Not that they keep calling me, but it's more like a landmark that lets me navigate the rest of the solid world. Or not even that. I have a hard time keeping track of progression. The importance of cause and effect is. I suspect the problem might be that I am difficult to relate to, but with slight effort able to be comprehended and possessing sightlines worth following when I am close to my best, and I am violent, obscure, unpredictable, melancholy, intensely introspective, restless, and largely inchoate and impossible to relate to when I am not near my best. Problematic. But at least I'm starting to understand how or at least why it seems I'm regularly fallen into Kuiper radial movements. I'll stop calling them every weekend. They'll get out the telescopes and rovers and years of planning and clean rooms and staffs of scientists and damage controllers when they're ready to see me blow by along the edges of the perceivable solar system.
I've also realized that my head is most active when I'm turning my motor at work. So now I take notes on my phone. Good. A fine start. Because by the time I'm ready to leave work and I get to my door at home I can't remember half of the things I started in my head while I was there. I'm losing lines. Each object in is another out. So now I can chase the high cycles like dust motes. I don't know why it didn't occur to me sooner. I guess I thought they'd think I was texting people. Just texting myself. Tracking my information. Taching my spin. My head always seems to run the hottest when I can forget my body or perhaps simply push in the clutch linking it to. Corporeal fault lay line.
Some advances were made at Bits. Not many. I like the layout, but I need to learn how to manipulate the blogger gadgets so I can create my own with proper attribution. Still waiting for the end of the world, but I'm happy to be doing so in a city I love. Let's dance till the sun comes up. I'll bring the scissors. Sometimes they tell me things I don't know.
///Juno Reactor - "Las Vegas Future Past" She runs great. Good idle. Clean title. Half the miles were done a quarter at a time too. Been to Vegas a couple times in it. You ever see one of these wide open on the interstate? It's got a sound like you wouldn't believe.
8/25/10
One of Those "Say Anything" Days
I don't know what the hell to tell you. Scratch that, I do. First off, I'm sorry I was gone for so long. It's not like me to stay away, and truth be told, I wasn't staying away as much as I've been held apart by circumstances beyond my control. Actually I kind of felt like the bearded guy with wings from Flash Gordon just then. At least my voice boomed in my head as I proclaimed the truth. It's not actually that dramatic, but I wish it were.
I guess, I really don't know what to expect from life anymore. Between the images pumped in through music and the massive filtering of said music to just the things that I don't mind slam dancing in my brain tissue and the images sucked in from television and the entire glut of information that comes unfiltered and unfilterable, my image of New York was unrealistic. "How realistic did I want it to be" is probably a more important question to ask. It's not a wasteland. It's not a shooting gallery. It's no more a hotbed of imagination and talent than any other city with a downtown and an uptown (that little detail is what makes or breaks a city for reasons locked into the evolutionary genome of bullshit socio whatevers).
I'm not making sense am I? I guess I'm just pissed off. Right now I'm that 105 year old man who sits in a high backed chair with his back to his bay windows, dressed in his three piece suit he wore to his last day of work before he retired, who cannot for the life of him remember the conversation between his ears that told him he should make the drastic change from the life he knew to the life he didn't know he would come to loathe.
We are after all in the first few hours of the first few months of the first few years of this, our new year under the banner of industry for the sake of perpetuating a life whose value lies in the work it has yet to complete. So I should be aiming for ... what? I don't fucking know.
Nope. Not true again. I do fucking know. My goal hasn't really changed. Only the operating conditions have changed. All I have to do is put food in my face, keep a simple computer, and not be homeless. If I can land a gig to make that happen I'll be good as a bar of gold. Or something. Something is getting lost in the wires again and I am blowing fuses faster than I'm replacing them and I think that's why I like talking to you. It doesn't really show me what needs to be replaced, but it does...
Okay cannot finish that thought. I think what I'm wanting to say is that I suppose if no one loves you, I'll be willing to. No pictures or links for a little while. My arrangements aren't allowing me to do the things I love doing for you. But we'll catch up later when I can think again and I stop feeling weird shit touching me. Total Promisaurus. And not like Inception promise either [I'm still gunna do it... i sware]. And my grammar will be better too. And punctuation. And that's it. Only because I told you I would fix it and I meant it. Because a man without his word is a laughing hollow eyed handshake that will eat you up from inside your dreams, like any other big city you knew.
///The Cranberries - "Dreams" who hasn't sung these lyrics to themselves? Raise your hands. To your throats and gently throttle yourselves for being too cool for school and then go youtube as soon as you feel you've punished yourself enough. Best song ever. Sure I can't listen to it 8 times in a row anymore, but that just comes with growing up. Right?
I guess, I really don't know what to expect from life anymore. Between the images pumped in through music and the massive filtering of said music to just the things that I don't mind slam dancing in my brain tissue and the images sucked in from television and the entire glut of information that comes unfiltered and unfilterable, my image of New York was unrealistic. "How realistic did I want it to be" is probably a more important question to ask. It's not a wasteland. It's not a shooting gallery. It's no more a hotbed of imagination and talent than any other city with a downtown and an uptown (that little detail is what makes or breaks a city for reasons locked into the evolutionary genome of bullshit socio whatevers).
I'm not making sense am I? I guess I'm just pissed off. Right now I'm that 105 year old man who sits in a high backed chair with his back to his bay windows, dressed in his three piece suit he wore to his last day of work before he retired, who cannot for the life of him remember the conversation between his ears that told him he should make the drastic change from the life he knew to the life he didn't know he would come to loathe.
We are after all in the first few hours of the first few months of the first few years of this, our new year under the banner of industry for the sake of perpetuating a life whose value lies in the work it has yet to complete. So I should be aiming for ... what? I don't fucking know.
Nope. Not true again. I do fucking know. My goal hasn't really changed. Only the operating conditions have changed. All I have to do is put food in my face, keep a simple computer, and not be homeless. If I can land a gig to make that happen I'll be good as a bar of gold. Or something. Something is getting lost in the wires again and I am blowing fuses faster than I'm replacing them and I think that's why I like talking to you. It doesn't really show me what needs to be replaced, but it does...
Okay cannot finish that thought. I think what I'm wanting to say is that I suppose if no one loves you, I'll be willing to. No pictures or links for a little while. My arrangements aren't allowing me to do the things I love doing for you. But we'll catch up later when I can think again and I stop feeling weird shit touching me. Total Promisaurus. And not like Inception promise either [I'm still gunna do it... i sware]. And my grammar will be better too. And punctuation. And that's it. Only because I told you I would fix it and I meant it. Because a man without his word is a laughing hollow eyed handshake that will eat you up from inside your dreams, like any other big city you knew.
///The Cranberries - "Dreams" who hasn't sung these lyrics to themselves? Raise your hands. To your throats and gently throttle yourselves for being too cool for school and then go youtube as soon as you feel you've punished yourself enough. Best song ever. Sure I can't listen to it 8 times in a row anymore, but that just comes with growing up. Right?
3/30/10
note to self
make a note later about how shitty guy/girl spy action adventure movies are. also about why jews seem so god damn depressed all the time.
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