Dear online gamer,
If I said I would be right back or if I told you a time around which I might be joining the online community, do not call me twenty times when I'm late getting there. Do not text me twenty messages full of curse words. Do not send me emails asking me where I am. The rules of meeting courtesies and respect don't apply to online video game recreation. Nothing in life is screwed up by anything that does or does not happen there. Literally nothing. If someone leaves a chat room without saying goodbye, do you go to their house and ring their doorbell fifty times? Find something else to do while you wait, or don't wait at all. It's a big world out there, kiddo.
It is a game. It is a fictional world. The real world takes precedent at all times. What do you not understand about that? This fictional world is populated with literally hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, of people. Find one to play with. Sometimes plans change. Badgering and harassing people is the wrong way to get in touch with anyone. No one, the fifteenth time their phone rings, thinks "oh terrific, I can't wait to talk to this person who has no concept of friendly boundaries and is losing their mind; they are going to be level headed and rational when I press 'answer'." How flat out of touch are you?
Get over yourself. Better yet, get into yourself. Don't be so dependent on other people to complete your gaming happiness. Or don't. Keep ringing people thirty times and leaving voice mails that say "hey, call me back" and strings of indignant texts. I'm sure it'll work out great for you some day, right?
Rationally yours,
another online gamer
Clean with alcohol only. Do not attempt to replace blown fuses. Do not remove access panels. Return to certified mechanic for regular maintenance. Made in the USA.
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
10/11/16
8/20/16
The Best Thing
about Xbox Live is that every now and then someone blurts out (during a first person shooter round table sniper match when everyone has run out of ammunition and they are hunting each other in dark corners with melee weapons) "you'll never kill me alive!"
"Yep, that's kind of the point" I think to myself wiping snot from my nose after doubling over on my couch with tearful laughter for several minutes. I know what they meant to say. What they did say was the toast of the evening.
"Yep, that's kind of the point" I think to myself wiping snot from my nose after doubling over on my couch with tearful laughter for several minutes. I know what they meant to say. What they did say was the toast of the evening.
Dear (_____)
Dear live online gaming communities,
Odd things happen. It's not an under or over statement. It is a great place to gather intelligence on what the outside world is up to and collect tracks of dialog for future use in stories and written creative work. It is a great place to get exposed to other worlds and ways of life and sets of problem solving skills you could not have imagined given twenty years and places to have conversations you believed were moot and had angles you did not see before. It is a great place to see reflections of yourself and fractions of people not as old as you and fractions of people inside yourself much older. It is also a great place to hear people trot out their best and worst jokes because nothing is recorded once the community dies out for the evening (except on the master servers hosting all of the connections, but that's a detail for another time). The best part is the exposure the accidental killer phrase, that boils up out of the person you would least suspect, slays everyone in the virtual room and they are all howling laughter at what you said, but not at you, and you wonder where everyone has gone for several minutes as they each come back on their mics catching their breath to explain the lightning bolt.
Odd things happen. It's not an under or over statement. It is a great place to gather intelligence on what the outside world is up to and collect tracks of dialog for future use in stories and written creative work. It is a great place to get exposed to other worlds and ways of life and sets of problem solving skills you could not have imagined given twenty years and places to have conversations you believed were moot and had angles you did not see before. It is a great place to see reflections of yourself and fractions of people not as old as you and fractions of people inside yourself much older. It is also a great place to hear people trot out their best and worst jokes because nothing is recorded once the community dies out for the evening (except on the master servers hosting all of the connections, but that's a detail for another time). The best part is the exposure the accidental killer phrase, that boils up out of the person you would least suspect, slays everyone in the virtual room and they are all howling laughter at what you said, but not at you, and you wonder where everyone has gone for several minutes as they each come back on their mics catching their breath to explain the lightning bolt.
5/15/16
That Instant
you are watching porn with a friend and you both nerd out like eight-year-olds opening a new pack of Magic cards when you simultaneously notice the set has a copy of Super Mario All-Stars on its bookshelf.
7/6/15
That Instant
you realize you scored exactly as many points as the current date down to the hours and minutes and there's no one around to see it.
11/25/13
Atari
Going back in time to enjoy the things I love. It has been strange hanging out with people I've only just met and their siblings. The day before was silly violent and antagonized by the middle child in her family. Her being the middle child and antagonizing everyone around her. She was the back end of an eight banger. It was difficult to identify and made more hilarious by our friend asking if he could bang her older sister. I'm pretty sure it was not up to me or her sister's fiance. Pretty sure whether or not she wanted to get mucky was and still is completely up to her. You can come along for the ride if you want to.
"I've sucked enough dicks in my life." ~ Tammy
We had this ongoing bet about how long it would take before she ran to history no one else knew, and I chimed in,but it was half hearted. I just wanted to belong in the conversation. Not a pissing contest of abuse as much as a revisiting of the things that inform and continue to inform our existence. It's kind of like driving a car. Think about it this way: put in 40 degrees of left input to your road facing wheels and they will turn fifteen degrees. Learning compensation. Learning how much you actually do burn when you proclaim you've torched it to soil.
It really is that simple though and that laughable and that much more enjoyable than trying to slug away one for one. That much more enjoyable than trying to get one unit of output for each understood unit of input. Existence does not work that way. There are boosters constantly. Whether you like it or not, everything that you do is boosted and amplified upon reception. It's the combat feedback loop. I hit you. How hard did I hit you? Seven? Six? How hard will you hit me back? At least a six. What will I feel a six is? Put a number on it. At least a five, but you don't know so tag me at least at a six, but that six comes in at an eight because I already ate a six and you know that because you've been hurt before and know what a six feels like and know I probably played it soft and a jump cut is in order.
Into the flame, into the fire. I have a lot of love pent up and no way to spend it. Why you no want to cuddle no more?
Fucking cowards.
Sometimes we have to back off because we know they will take it the wrong way and run with it. Does it hurt to be alone? Sure. Does it hurt enough to make changes? No. One thing I've learned about myself is that distance is still necessary. What I view as an appropriate relationship is still not, by and large, viewed the same way and it's not heartbreaking the way it used to be. It used to break me apart in fantastic ways and now it's more of a "okay, we're here right now. Option A, B, and J." Cash out now, because two more steps will lead to two more steps will lead to two more steps will lead to two more steps and we're at J anyway.
I'm getting back to the things I love and it's been difficult. It's been a battles by turn. I have been trying not to think about it, but the successful artists I know had a pretty solid backing before they had outside backing making their whiles worth something. I want to cut their faces off and wear them and drink the blood that trickles into my mouth while I talk behind their skin and I want to be able to talk to them about it, but "that's not okay." And still they call themselves artists and photographers in the meantime never having actually known what the mean times really are. I'm no teacher, but I am willing to crash course them.
Stop cock teasing me. Stop front loading me. I cannot handle that kind of nonsense. Take your vacations and enjoy your languages, but do not fucking... ....I'm going to war. There are rules. Aligning with my own. Measures not drastic.
Deterioration. Leaving memories at least as fast as they come. I drive toward new ones as constantly as I can because there really is nowhere else to be and I am okay with that. It's a riot. I feel silly sometimes bending over to pick up the shards of myself and sometimes the entire exercise feels machinated. What I really want to do is tattoo you and have you tattoo me whatever you want. Battling down the brain chiggies. The glitch farm.
I could look back in time, but it won't change the view. The hardest I ever cheated was kissing another woman and being truthful about it. What makes you okay? Violently successful people who don't understand how they were set up to succeed aggravate me. Everything they know are things I should have known when they did, but had to learn later because, like those post coin op machines with the news on their face, I had no coins to insert and no nudge on top of that to pay attention to them and am now taking notice and am now earning quarters to slot in and am now getting up to speed with and am not mad about it. A little sorry, but not mad.
Through the TV eye. A wrecka. I said "hey!" Being bummy with no standards is okay. I'm not going to hurt you if you promise not to hurt me. Dhali Lama and llama beans and trying to be profound in every little thing. It's silly. The outside world bleeds in and the inside world bleeds out and really i just want you to say you're sorry. Even that will be and is meaningless because I won't remember it until I'm steamed and wishing I was not so forgettable.
Power. Something cosmic. It takes a lot out of me to be here and I know it takes a lot out of you to be here with me. Diet on anxiety. I wish I could fill my stomach whenever I wanted to, but I've been grained to the scale of rice to need as little as possible and digest want as a hack hazard that is a crumple zone. I want to be a foodie. I really do. Up chucked bringing to do more with less.
Every time I get something new to me I expect it to break down immediately or somehow fail me because no one gives something valuable to them up for grabs. Except people like me who do not deal in currency. Your word is your word. Your bond is your bond. Everything starts and ends at that initial hand shake. No farther and no less. Things new to me are things old and decrepit to others. Not a revitalization as much as a re-purposing. There is love in that.
Time elapsed, time remaining.
There was this one time I set my cat's whiskers to flame, not understanding that he was made of fur. The whiskers caught and burned down to his coat and we were both surprised at how fast it was able to go. Needless to say, or perhaps, for everyone's sake, we never got that ticky tacky mad again, but if I need to I know some good out of the way spots to bury you if you want to roll those dice. I'm a bad liar and a good forgetter. Push upstairs ;")
I will play asteroids with you for days.
///Daedelus - "My Beau" at night, I think of you and do not call because our wars are different and mounting a head after a battle means something wildly different to me than it does to you, no slight
"I've sucked enough dicks in my life." ~ Tammy
We had this ongoing bet about how long it would take before she ran to history no one else knew, and I chimed in,but it was half hearted. I just wanted to belong in the conversation. Not a pissing contest of abuse as much as a revisiting of the things that inform and continue to inform our existence. It's kind of like driving a car. Think about it this way: put in 40 degrees of left input to your road facing wheels and they will turn fifteen degrees. Learning compensation. Learning how much you actually do burn when you proclaim you've torched it to soil.
It really is that simple though and that laughable and that much more enjoyable than trying to slug away one for one. That much more enjoyable than trying to get one unit of output for each understood unit of input. Existence does not work that way. There are boosters constantly. Whether you like it or not, everything that you do is boosted and amplified upon reception. It's the combat feedback loop. I hit you. How hard did I hit you? Seven? Six? How hard will you hit me back? At least a six. What will I feel a six is? Put a number on it. At least a five, but you don't know so tag me at least at a six, but that six comes in at an eight because I already ate a six and you know that because you've been hurt before and know what a six feels like and know I probably played it soft and a jump cut is in order.
Into the flame, into the fire. I have a lot of love pent up and no way to spend it. Why you no want to cuddle no more?
Fucking cowards.
Sometimes we have to back off because we know they will take it the wrong way and run with it. Does it hurt to be alone? Sure. Does it hurt enough to make changes? No. One thing I've learned about myself is that distance is still necessary. What I view as an appropriate relationship is still not, by and large, viewed the same way and it's not heartbreaking the way it used to be. It used to break me apart in fantastic ways and now it's more of a "okay, we're here right now. Option A, B, and J." Cash out now, because two more steps will lead to two more steps will lead to two more steps will lead to two more steps and we're at J anyway.
I'm getting back to the things I love and it's been difficult. It's been a battles by turn. I have been trying not to think about it, but the successful artists I know had a pretty solid backing before they had outside backing making their whiles worth something. I want to cut their faces off and wear them and drink the blood that trickles into my mouth while I talk behind their skin and I want to be able to talk to them about it, but "that's not okay." And still they call themselves artists and photographers in the meantime never having actually known what the mean times really are. I'm no teacher, but I am willing to crash course them.
Stop cock teasing me. Stop front loading me. I cannot handle that kind of nonsense. Take your vacations and enjoy your languages, but do not fucking... ....I'm going to war. There are rules. Aligning with my own. Measures not drastic.
Deterioration. Leaving memories at least as fast as they come. I drive toward new ones as constantly as I can because there really is nowhere else to be and I am okay with that. It's a riot. I feel silly sometimes bending over to pick up the shards of myself and sometimes the entire exercise feels machinated. What I really want to do is tattoo you and have you tattoo me whatever you want. Battling down the brain chiggies. The glitch farm.
I could look back in time, but it won't change the view. The hardest I ever cheated was kissing another woman and being truthful about it. What makes you okay? Violently successful people who don't understand how they were set up to succeed aggravate me. Everything they know are things I should have known when they did, but had to learn later because, like those post coin op machines with the news on their face, I had no coins to insert and no nudge on top of that to pay attention to them and am now taking notice and am now earning quarters to slot in and am now getting up to speed with and am not mad about it. A little sorry, but not mad.
Through the TV eye. A wrecka. I said "hey!" Being bummy with no standards is okay. I'm not going to hurt you if you promise not to hurt me. Dhali Lama and llama beans and trying to be profound in every little thing. It's silly. The outside world bleeds in and the inside world bleeds out and really i just want you to say you're sorry. Even that will be and is meaningless because I won't remember it until I'm steamed and wishing I was not so forgettable.
Power. Something cosmic. It takes a lot out of me to be here and I know it takes a lot out of you to be here with me. Diet on anxiety. I wish I could fill my stomach whenever I wanted to, but I've been grained to the scale of rice to need as little as possible and digest want as a hack hazard that is a crumple zone. I want to be a foodie. I really do. Up chucked bringing to do more with less.
Every time I get something new to me I expect it to break down immediately or somehow fail me because no one gives something valuable to them up for grabs. Except people like me who do not deal in currency. Your word is your word. Your bond is your bond. Everything starts and ends at that initial hand shake. No farther and no less. Things new to me are things old and decrepit to others. Not a revitalization as much as a re-purposing. There is love in that.
Time elapsed, time remaining.
There was this one time I set my cat's whiskers to flame, not understanding that he was made of fur. The whiskers caught and burned down to his coat and we were both surprised at how fast it was able to go. Needless to say, or perhaps, for everyone's sake, we never got that ticky tacky mad again, but if I need to I know some good out of the way spots to bury you if you want to roll those dice. I'm a bad liar and a good forgetter. Push upstairs ;")
I will play asteroids with you for days.
///Daedelus - "My Beau" at night, I think of you and do not call because our wars are different and mounting a head after a battle means something wildly different to me than it does to you, no slight
10/17/12
Birthday Sex (minus sex [also birthdays])
So I'm thirty five and a half again. For the second time. Since I've been keeping track of iterations. I'm on my twenty sixth iteration. I will not admit a lot of things, but I will admit it's kind of nice to be thirty five, and it's also nice to spell out numbers. There's something that gives them more weight and pizzazz when you spell them out. Maybe it's the greater visual volume and maybe I'm just a sucker for language and textual conflagrations. Mostly I think I like to feel my fingers fly across the keyboard and tap out music the only way I know how, but not the only way I can learn, but the only way I know how just yet. It's fun.
I've come to some realizations in being thirty five for the twenty sixth time. None of them make particular sense with regard to each other. It's kind of difficult to get the points to match up beyond courses of life times, let alone multiple life times. Really, it's going to take a significant amount of time, I assume, to parse backward and piece together iterational check ins, but I do not believe in doing so that I will be at all disappointed with what the effort turns up.
So here I am. This is a place holder for future reference to me. Yes, it is all about me this time, but not really. It's about the overarching work, but mostly I want to fire off a buoy to mark the spot in the sea of experience.
Sub-mostly, the mostly that bangs across the finish line just after the most mostly, I want to document a child singing a song about birthday sex. Because it was hilarious, and we were hot boxing the car, and the kid was loving it. And jumped up, after unfastening himself, on the back seat and started to sing birthday sex just like that time in Chicago, minus the drugs and the easily disarmed anti kid windshield splatterification device. I almost died laughing. And that's why, ladies and gentlemen, we park before boxing. We're not savages. We're forward thinkers. Or something like that.
Either way. Birthday sex might be one of the greatest songs ever and I hope it makes it to a Kids Songs album at some point. It's good to be 35. The only male enhancement drug I need on my twenty sixth iteration is every extends extra extreme. Look it up. It is the greatest arcade game ever made. Because when you're this old and this young all you need is a D pad, a lettered button, good music, and explosions and you'll be half masted all day.
I've come to some realizations in being thirty five for the twenty sixth time. None of them make particular sense with regard to each other. It's kind of difficult to get the points to match up beyond courses of life times, let alone multiple life times. Really, it's going to take a significant amount of time, I assume, to parse backward and piece together iterational check ins, but I do not believe in doing so that I will be at all disappointed with what the effort turns up.
So here I am. This is a place holder for future reference to me. Yes, it is all about me this time, but not really. It's about the overarching work, but mostly I want to fire off a buoy to mark the spot in the sea of experience.
Sub-mostly, the mostly that bangs across the finish line just after the most mostly, I want to document a child singing a song about birthday sex. Because it was hilarious, and we were hot boxing the car, and the kid was loving it. And jumped up, after unfastening himself, on the back seat and started to sing birthday sex just like that time in Chicago, minus the drugs and the easily disarmed anti kid windshield splatterification device. I almost died laughing. And that's why, ladies and gentlemen, we park before boxing. We're not savages. We're forward thinkers. Or something like that.
Either way. Birthday sex might be one of the greatest songs ever and I hope it makes it to a Kids Songs album at some point. It's good to be 35. The only male enhancement drug I need on my twenty sixth iteration is every extends extra extreme. Look it up. It is the greatest arcade game ever made. Because when you're this old and this young all you need is a D pad, a lettered button, good music, and explosions and you'll be half masted all day.
5/5/11
9/12/09
game time
best gaming moments ever, as i have experienced them and unranked within their appearance in the post of recognition:
super smash brother melee: the second hand appears
ace combat 3: entering the electrosphere
ace combat 3: the first automated craft appears after foolishly wasting all short and long range missles on inconsequential baddies
ace combat 4: rex tremendae plays as i finally come upon the missle base
gran turismo: realizing all i have to do is hit the final left hand chicane perfectly on Trial Mountain to lock up the international unlimited race and japan is breathing down my neck in his skyline .01 seconds off of my bumper to my immediate left.
super mario world: realizing i have to catch the bombs being thrown at me and use them on bowser.
silhouette mirage: reaching the final boss and feeling sadness for all the people ive killed, however hilariously.
gta vice city: killing a prostitute on purpose. i dunno. it was something id never done in a video game before. it was intense.
metal gear solid: meeting revolver ocelot for the first time
mario tennis: unlocking shyguy
test drive 5: hitting every shortcut perfectly and taking the win by a margin of 20 seconds.
need for speed underground: raping every race in a wrung out cobalt ss. tearing a benzo a new one in said cobalt.
gran turismo 2: taking my 300zx R body to the track for the first time and putting the pedal to the metal to hear that exhaust note. best in the game.
air attack 2: killing someone else in heads up combat using sound tactics for the first time. it was my first kill over the inter web.
gran turismo: winning my first 24 hour race at night. a ludicrous number of laps... and watching the sun come up in real life and on the game screen. beautiful. i almost teared up.
unreal tournament: entering the battle just as someone used that guided nuclear missle and getting clear just in time to have my entire team killed at once. lame, but awesome.
farcry: watching a friend play for the first time and being completely blown away by the levelof detail. the game was practically spotless.
gta san andreas: realizing the army helicopter has infinite missiles
armored core 2: successfully destroying the enemy from ridiculous range from behind enormous city skyscrapers with mortar missles. yessssssssssssssssssssssss.
star fox 64: destroying wolf.
sim city 4: n/a
///gotan project - "track 2": i am lazy and sipping guiness. and contemplating purchasing a fine pack of cigarettes. what are you doing?
super smash brother melee: the second hand appears
ace combat 3: entering the electrosphere
ace combat 3: the first automated craft appears after foolishly wasting all short and long range missles on inconsequential baddies
ace combat 4: rex tremendae plays as i finally come upon the missle base
gran turismo: realizing all i have to do is hit the final left hand chicane perfectly on Trial Mountain to lock up the international unlimited race and japan is breathing down my neck in his skyline .01 seconds off of my bumper to my immediate left.
super mario world: realizing i have to catch the bombs being thrown at me and use them on bowser.
silhouette mirage: reaching the final boss and feeling sadness for all the people ive killed, however hilariously.
gta vice city: killing a prostitute on purpose. i dunno. it was something id never done in a video game before. it was intense.
metal gear solid: meeting revolver ocelot for the first time
mario tennis: unlocking shyguy
test drive 5: hitting every shortcut perfectly and taking the win by a margin of 20 seconds.
need for speed underground: raping every race in a wrung out cobalt ss. tearing a benzo a new one in said cobalt.
gran turismo 2: taking my 300zx R body to the track for the first time and putting the pedal to the metal to hear that exhaust note. best in the game.
air attack 2: killing someone else in heads up combat using sound tactics for the first time. it was my first kill over the inter web.
gran turismo: winning my first 24 hour race at night. a ludicrous number of laps... and watching the sun come up in real life and on the game screen. beautiful. i almost teared up.
unreal tournament: entering the battle just as someone used that guided nuclear missle and getting clear just in time to have my entire team killed at once. lame, but awesome.
farcry: watching a friend play for the first time and being completely blown away by the levelof detail. the game was practically spotless.
gta san andreas: realizing the army helicopter has infinite missiles
armored core 2: successfully destroying the enemy from ridiculous range from behind enormous city skyscrapers with mortar missles. yessssssssssssssssssssssss.
star fox 64: destroying wolf.
sim city 4: n/a
///gotan project - "track 2": i am lazy and sipping guiness. and contemplating purchasing a fine pack of cigarettes. what are you doing?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)