w33d and all things g00d 12/31/05

Subject : w33d and all things g00d
Posted Date: : Dec 31, 2005 1:28 AM

the romance of the plant continues like a salty porn novel. i dont need it. by no means do i actually need anything to feel good about myself. Im already exploding with more confidence than a penis in a vacuum cleaner hose. the connection to the plant goes deeper to a more sensitive area of my brain than simple confidence. the plant touches my emotions like a muse. a muse of warm confusion.

even if im not able to become a writer and my back up plan of being a high paid professional counter culture male "escort" fails i will still have the plant to romance me in the hard times. i may have to move out of the country to get it cheaper, but for my green lady it would be worth it.

in the best case scenario she'll be my one in a moon mistress and will hopefully complete a sweet threesome with me and my girl friend completing the other two points of the love triangle.

they say all good things come to an end, but we'll just have to wait and see. what no one ever talks about is what happens when the good things end... and having thought about it, i really dont care as long as there is something - someone to see/do on the other side - when "all the good things come to an end" i at least hope there will be someone around who has the means to roll a fucking ridiculous joint and that someone has space in their cipher for me.

lifetime voyeur 12/23/05

Subject : lifetime voyeur

Posted Date: : Dec 23, 2005 12:06 AM

everyone has their "perverted" side. right? well maybe not. Maybe that's just what i tell myself when i neglect to close my blinds... ever. Its nice though waking up and finding your room full of sunlight, and nothing inspires more poetic thoughts than say a room full of the glow of city lights, a mattress in heaps, bare skin, and nothing else.

to each his/her own. maybe. I can't really explain why this turns me on, but it does. I suppose when I become a kept man my hot blonde in her middle 60s will want to show off everything she does with her sweet, dream boat catch, of a sexaholic kept man, so i suppose its not really a bad thing that I like "showing off" already. Or maybe it is because after all it is a little perverted.

Maybe its just the knowing that something is considered a little perverted that provides the turn on. Maybe thats how everyone feels about everything sexual. If so then I think im just going to go ahead and keep my blinds open. all the time. and hope my future employer feels the same way.

no flash photography please.

the training continues.

sonny chiba will kick you in the face 12/10/05

Subject : sonny chiba will kick you in the face

Posted Date: : Dec 10, 2005 4:52 PM

so the power company informs me that they will discontinue service to my apartment in 72 hours. aint that a larf! in times of getting screwed up the ass like a 10$ dollar hooker by the massive dong of the power company i really wish sonny chiba a.k.a. the street fighter, were my drinking buddy.



why, you ask?

well if sonny chiba were my drinking buddy and i were discussing this whole situation with Duquense Light Co. with him over a couple of brews he would say: "don't worry, pal. I'll take care of everything." And then he would go out the next morning, because sonny chiba never gets hangovers, and kick everyone at Duquense Light in the FACE! and then he and I and chuck norris would all go out to a bar the next night and celebrate our moral victory over big corporations that spit on us little poor people like so many pebbles beneath their boots of tyranny.

beat off and get some sleep 12/05/05

Subject : beat off and get some sleep

Posted Date: : Dec 5, 2005 2:36 PM

today is one of those days when all i really want to do is beat off and get some sleep... yeah.... thats about it.

i am not anna nicole smith 12/02/05

Subject : I am not anna nicole smith

Posted Date: : Dec 2, 2005 6:37 PM

She is white. I am black. Our similarities pretty much end there. She attempted to make a living with her acting and endless breast enhancements (to the point where she could literally use her tits for extra shelving or a convenient t.v. dinner tray holder or even a nice crevase for catching stray crumbs when eating crunch n munch popcorn while jetting through the l.a. freeways), and only ended up alieniating every living person on the face of the earth except maybe david hasselhoff and a few perverted little kids who had no concept of what a beautiful woman really is anyway. then again david hasselhoff isnt really a person so that leaves like .000000001 percent of the population who could look at her and have thoughts other than murder/divine punishment/"retribution-for-womens-rights-though-i-am-a-die-hard-chauvanist" come to mind.

when she realized she couldnt act and no one was interested in seeing her, naked or clothed, she went gold digging with some dude 63 years her senior who died a year or so after they got hitched. I on the other hand am not banking on anything else except my ability to land that hottie who may or may not happen to be 63 years my senior and even if she did die in the year after i got us hitched and my name in the will it would still be the best damn year she ever had, god damn it! yes, i plan on becoming filthy rich through essentially servicing an older woman, but at least its not a dude, and at least i have her pleasure in mind. when you break it down its like any other job: you put in your time until theyre gone and bam! its time to retire to mutha fuckin rio forever and shag all day and drink all night with a view of one of the most beautiful landscapes on earth.

i mean, consider the alternative: i could work in a nursing home and shag the patients and get nothing out of it but a tiny pay check and union security. now you tell me you wouldnt pick the able bodied old lady with a fat wallet and a horny sand box over that poor bed ridden shmoe who will probably get you fired after your night of illicit passion. hmmmm... tabloid super star > washed up nurses assistant any day if you ask me. anna nicole isnt even a tabloid superstar. She's a pathetic example of excess gone awry and, sadly, very well documented through small distribution media that happens to be tabloidal in nature. she is a failure at life, where as i will be a resounding success because i will set out to do what i have always intended to do instead of pretending to be good at something im not by running around with two extra bald heads grafted to my chest.

$$$$ its all about the benjamins. plus i dont need any enhancing. that shits just shallow in that kind of extreme!

penis float 12/02/05

Subject : penis float

Posted Date: : Dec 2, 2005 6:30 PM

I just noticed today, while sitting in the tub, taking a hot bath after working out, that my penis floats. Isn't that convenient and exciting! So now, when I do eventually find that 60 year old blonde woman (yeah my standards for age limits keep rising, but like mcdonalds special sauce, those hunnies only get richer with age) who plays tennis on the weekends but has vision problems from working at a computer all day for the first 30 years of her adulthood to build her fortune, she will still be able to find my penis with ease when she wants to do it in the tub.

There will be no awkward fishing around and the bobbing part of the bobbing for my apple will be maximized. Physiology 1... impracticality-of-having-sex-in-a-bath-tub 0