Dear (_____)

Dear upscale shoemakers,

Please stop trying to sell me with big words.  Of course I demand the finest in quality and performance in my shoe selection.  Of course style is important.  A little color is nice.  A lot of color has its time too (sometimes all of the time).  Tons of flowery language or well strung together man boy truck tire square jaw tones do not hide the clear as day fact that your shoe will fall apart inside of a month of regular athletic use.  The lines of type in your ads do not disguise that a few puddles here, a couple stubbed toes, a dropped coffee, an outdoor court game, and a few bike rides in and your sneakers will look like I found them under a freight car by the river.  With a disgustingly high price tag, your game is obvious.  Sneakers for people that don't use sneakers to do things that require sneakers.  Thanks, but I'll be picking up my usual pair with function leading form.  And a home run cut's dash of color.