dear (______):

Dear birthday havers,

Stop wasting them. They run out at some point. It's alright if your normal days are strange. But if your normal days are just like your birthdays, except with cake and champagne or what have you, you have not only failed yourself, but you've failed everyone who has been defaulted into boring birthdays. So if you have the means and the will, do something extraordinary. For the rest of us.

Sincerely,

27 shots on April 22nd. See you on the other side.