Tail Chaser's Song

I've taken to chasing my tail. It's become a tall order. The getting after it with no reward. Become obsessed with the game. It's made it hard to come back here everyday that I know I should be here. And I should be. Because I know there are those who are gaming the same and I owe it to at least one of them, at least myself, and my plus one to continue to document something about the something. It's become not even a document of the trip, a blueprint of the why, as much as a motive for the maybe. I thing I gotta do.

I've. Been having the most fantastic dreams. I've been recording them via voice, but I have not been recording them with any amount of fidelity and I know the people that find them will not give them the treatment they need. I'm in no fit state or shape to make a record of my life. But I do love the activity. I was in a hot and heavy argument about religiontoday. It went on longer thqan I normally let these things progress largely because I thought I could make friends out of it, but friends made on the battle field of rhetoric are mostly enemies.

I told him religion was largely a communicative virus. A highly virulent and communicative strain of thought virus. difficult to cure and beneficial by turns sort of infection. It was a tough conversation to get through. A tough forty five minutes. But you soldier through. I'm just sorry I've been up to the bad magic that keeps me away from you. I had a great new years.

Iam stepping in stilting steps toward the things i said i would never do again years past. things like bad puncuation and bad spelling. things that make me harder to read and easier on me to communicate. Trying to stand tall in the self inflicted onslaught and become something more beautiful in the meantime. Something more enjoyable. Something more useful. Because I know meeting halfway isn't so much a positive policy as much as it is a mandate of existence. which makes me sad, but I can live with that.

But I think that the thing I understand most clearly is that I am still looking for my foil and havent found it and it makes the universe so much less, the master human equation so much less, without that counter, cross complement, and I feel like I am a minus with no theoretical plus sign that makes as much sense on paper as in action. But I'm doing my damnedest.