dear (______):

Dear "poor" person,

Please stop talking about how "poor" you are. Please stop citing bogus examples of your destitution. If you own a fucking charge card that starts with "Am" and ends with "ex," you are not poor. If your job pays so much that it would be silly to talk about an hourly rate, you are not fucking poor. If your cold cuts are sliced at the deli counter and your cheese doesn't come individually wrapped with disclaimers on the packaging about its nutritional value, your are probably not fucking poor. Manage your money better. Stop being an asshole. And for the love of grilled cheesus stop talking about it like being poor is some sort of club whose membership somehow qualifies and dignifies your spoon fed existence and gives you "perspective".

I sware to god. If you make one more fucking quip that ends with "...that's how poor I am..." I'm going to come to your house and belt bricks through your fucking windows at 4 AM until I can't feel my fingers anymore.