dear (______):

Dear Nike,

Your shoes are sexy. Your commercials are all sass. But the bottom line still is: I need to put food in my stomach more than I need to help you move units.

And besides, have you ever worn your shoes for more than the length of a sporting event? Please fire everyone in your ergonomics department or whoever handles the fitting half of "fit and finish". They've been dropping the ball for twenty years.

Yours,

A person with feet not shaped like geometric wedges or airfoils.