the secret to righting the ship

is to forget about righting the ship. its going down. theres nothing you can do about it. you know that feeling you get of being the only one bailing out the water? thats not you feeling like you're the only one bailing out the bilge. that is you and you are in fact the only way bailing out the water. so put down the bucket. take a breath. and make friends with the guy in charge of the life rafts.

or better yet... especially if the guy in charge of the life rafts is a total dick... and you dont have children or women to barter or a gun or even so much as a harpoon cannon with which to spear yourself to a passing dolphin that will swim you to safety, just let it go. if its a decent cruise there'll be plenty of trash or dead children to cling to. theyre almost as good as floatation devices once they stop thrashing. find yourself a nice fat kid (they struggle less) and stay close to him till things die down. instant save. and you didnt throw out your back tossing water either.

nice. i know. if only someone gave you that idea sooner. i myself only thought of it just now. even better than that? find rope or an extension chord. tie two fat kids together. that way when the sharks come to pick over whats left of what was supposed to be your serene vacation theyll fill up on fat kid and leave you alone and also leave you plenty of fat kid to spare till the coast gaurd comes. when they ask you questions just tell them they tied themselves together and thats how it was when you found them. people do crazy things to survive. dont make yourself a foolish exception.

or do. i guess it really depends on who you're friends with.