its that time of the year again 01/23/07

Subject : its that time of the year again
Posted Date: : Jan 23, 2007 7:41 PM

writing contests. the two big ones at Carnegie Mellon University. oh boy. another chance to get stiffed by my favorite group of insiders at the X review (insiders meaning the circle of friends i dont have at the journal's core that run the submission selection process including the professors) and ignored by the wonderful Y judges. i think my writing just doesnt quite fit here.

i mean two years running ive gotten polar comments on everything. either its over written or its under developed. its too dense or its too cliche'. its too "in my own world" or its too simple. that last one is my favorite though. i take that last one as knowing im doing something right. im aware of what other poets have done. im aware of what other story tellers have done. i might not be aware of what everyone else is currently doing, but if i was i would be less aware of what i want to do. one thing ive learned about myself as a writer is that i like what i do. what i do has changed and continues to change over the days and months. i know im not writing well when im writing the same things i wrote at the same time last year.

still though... these are the dread hours. will this year end with more dissappointments? probably. in fact... almost assuredly. im pretty sure who the favorites already are. im pretty sure of where the student bodies work has a proclivity to wander (usually toward work that makes pittsburgh or city or just college life "come alive" or sad tidbits about family and rent hearts or the difficulty of "growing up") but im still going to write my way, my stories, my poems and if i dont win i may give them all the murderface for a few days... then a look of hurt puzzlement... but ultimately i'll be just as happy as if i did win. cuz i wuz last year. im not graduating anyway so i dont even have to worry about resume' padding.

i think im actually looking forward to this. win, lose, or draw. i still hate them though.